2020 Quotables – Week 5 (Submissions)

blaxabbath
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Hi all! I’m waiting for my Southwest flight to finish boarding and forgot I owed you all Quotables today.  I think my finger may have hit a formatting button? Yeah, I do the gifs Monday and the text Tuesday’s before posting. That’s how I create my art! Alright — so below are you submissions. Hope this posts.


Gotta love Phillip Rivers always out there creating good teaching moments for his teammates.

“Miss me yet?” – Joe Flacco, Super Bowl Champion

A beautiful loving wife with an adorable daughter and two bright sons supporting their capable and respectable husband/father in an important leadership position? No — can’t say I’ve seen that in DC recently.

I imagine this is what Cooper Kupp sees on most Wednesdays.

Sure it may seem bad now but just look at the stat line Bridgewater is putting up just four years after his leg injury!

“PLAY TRUMP TRAIN, N****RS!!!!” – Florida NFL Fans

Have you heard about the election? VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

Being 0-5, I’m not sure the Jets know enough about football to realize there aren’t fans in the stadium.
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blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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[…] 2020 Quotables – Week 5 (Submissions) – October 13, 2020 […]

WhyEaglesWhy

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In his defense, he’s hearing the same sound he would hear if the stadium were full.

WhyEaglesWhy

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“JET. FUEL. CAN’T. MELT. THIS. TEAM’S. STRENGTH.”

WhyEaglesWhy

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“Joe, Dak Prescott has been an effective scrambler so far in his career, but I really don’t think he’ll be able to keep that up with two left feet.”

WhyEaglesWhy

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“Let’s go to our rules analyst Mike Pereira. Mike, what are you seeing?” “Well, Jim, they ruled this an incomplete pass on the field, but I do see evidence of an open hand here, and I think they’re going to reverse this.”

WhyEaglesWhy

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What hurt Alex Smith more? His leg, or his family’s attempt at the wave?

WhyEaglesWhy

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“Look, scoring every nine months is fine for me and my wife, but it’s going to get you cut.”

Recovery Whiskey

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I LOVE THIS COMPANY!! DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS DEVELOPERS

Last edited 9 days ago by Recovery Whiskey
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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:FEMUR DRUMS INTENSIFY:

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“You think that camera is wet now, just wait until I unleash the dragon”

-R. Grossman

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“Huh, and the QB didn’t even get killed?”
–Cincy OLine

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The mask does nothing for the smell coming from under center

Last edited 10 days ago by BrettFavresColonoscopy
BrettFavresColonoscopy

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That ham is cooked

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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I wonder if the spelling is better without fans in the crowd.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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So you’re saying the gravy floats too?

SonOfSpam

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Damn, watching a Cowboy’s appendage get ruined like that, you’d think Ang Lee directed the game.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“If you get raped by a pack of, uh, Dolphins, it will be your fault.” – a marginally evolved Mel Gibson

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I see that reaction time correlates almost perfectly with age in that family.

SonOfSpam

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Yep, fish concerts are still annoying.

SonOfSpam

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“AND RUSSELL WAITED UNTIL HIS WEDDING NIGHT TO GRAB CIARA’S HEAD AND GO WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! ONTO HIS COCK AND IT WAS ROMANTIC SO LET’S GO!!!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I haven’t seen a Bengal come out of nowhere like that since Carole Baskin’s husband thought he was meeting with his smuggler buddies in that “abandoned” warehouse.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“…and then nine months later, the baby comes out, and you go back into the non-absinence phase for another week.”

SonOfSpam

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Nice of the Washington doctors to create fashionable ponchos out of Alex’s leg tendons.

Redshirt

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Injury Update:
D. Prescott – Hokey Pokey – Doubtful to Return

Don T

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If you go deep on me again, I’ll call your mom for Psalm of the Day. Every darned day!

Don T

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LinkedIn suspended Jim Harbaugh’s account!

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Another potential recruit for my NFL Injury PTSD Support Group!

—Joe Theisman

ArmedandHammered

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“Dax”: I’m getting better.
Ref: No you’re not, you’ll be crying in a moment.
Cart Driver: Well, I can’t take him like that. It’s against regulations.
“Dax”: I don’t want to go on the cart.
Ref’: Oh, don’t be such a baby.

LemonJello

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Exhibit: A in Skip’s screed for Lamar’s benching

Last edited 11 days ago by LemonJello
Game Time Decision

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Maybe he’ll f***ing shut up about Kyle and Dwayne now. Thanks coach

Unsurprised

Which do you think was the more insufferable place to live? Bay Area or D.C. metro?

Game Time Decision

YES

LemonJello

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Dak: “It hurts when I do this.”
Team Doctor: “Then don’t do that.”

Game Time Decision

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couldn’t hit water when in a boat.
-Scouting report

Downfield Matriculator

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Welcome to the Theismann House!
— N. McCallum from the window of his Nissan Sentra

Game Time Decision

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By the power of Grayskull…
I
HAVE
THE
POWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEERRRR


Game Time Decision

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Are you one of my kids?

Unsurprised

Like he’d fuck a black woman

nomonkeyfun

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“Corona is a hoax!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go maskless!!!!!!!!!!!!”

LemonJello

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“Not only are we going to Arizona, Russ, we’re going to San Francisco, and Buffalo and LA…and then we’re going to Tampa Bay, to take back the Lombardi Trophy! YEEEeeaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!!”

Dunstan

“I don’t care what scientists and engineers say, JET FUEL! CAN’T! MELT! STEEL!”

Unsurprised

Deep cut.

LemonJello

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“Contraception of any sort is an affront to God, ya self-abusing cock wallet!”

LemonJello

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“That number 99 on the Football Team’s defense gets mommy’s motor running!”
“I thought daddy was number 11?”
“Who wants cotton candy, kids?”

LemonJello

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The “Turn Your Head and Goff” TD celebration executed to perfection…

LemonJello

OH!

“The FedEx Field turf almost claims another QB knee!”

Sharkbait

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It’s just a cramp
–T. Romo

LemonJello

“Pussy.”
-A. Smith

LemonJello

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Yeah, we’re still called the LOLphins…anyway, here’s “Wonderwall.”

LemonJello

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I haven’t seen a jet this woefully off course since Malaysia Airlines Flight 370

BrettFavresColonoscopy

:slow clap: