Cocktails of the NFC

Doktor Zymm

Doktor Zymm

An expert at time travel*, Doktor Zymm also has the ability to move objects with her mind** and can breath underwater***.

*Forward only, at a preset rate
**Via her hands, usually
***When the water is contained in a glass

Doktor Zymm

Unless otherwise specified, the mixing instructions for all these drinks are the same. Put in glass, maybe with some ice if you’re fancy, drink.

NFC EAST

The Giants

1/4 oz Creme de Violette

3/4 oz Blue Curacao

1 Grape Capri Sun (Eli’s favorite)

2 oz gin

The Eagles

1 Mickey’s Grenade

2 oz Absinthe

Pour over snow cone, throw at Santa

The Redskins

6 oz Wine from the Burgundy region of France

1 oz Goldschlager

The blood of Dan Snyder

The Cowboys

1 part Mercury

1 part Blue fluid from a sanitary napkin commercial

The NFC North

The Packers

2 oz Midori

1 oz Cheez Whiz

Float the Cheez Whiz in the Midori, share the drink with 360,000 other “owners”

The Bears

1 package Berry Blue jello

One bottle of Mike Ditka “The Player” Merlot

Vodka

Make Jello shots with the above ingredients. Serve in orange halves.

The Vikings

1 bottle Purple cough syrup

1 handful purple Jolly Ranchers

1 bottle Coca-cola

Mix together, serve with Lutefisk

The Lions

1 oz Bacardi Silver

1 oz Blue Curacao

Drink in a run down house you bought for $2000

The NFC South

The Saints

1 bottle Chocolate Stout

1 oz Kinky Gold Liqueur

Rim glass with Cajun Spice. Drink until you wake up with a stranger in your bed and say “Who Dat?”

The Falcons

Cranberry Juice

Alize

Hair of a murdered dog

The Buccaneers

MRSA

Red Rum

Cherry Kool-Aid

The Pathers

1 oz Blue Curacao (Too many teams in this league have blue as a team color)

Patron Silver

Fig Newton

Peter King’s scorn (optional, for QBs)

The NFC West

The Seahawks

Skittlebrau. Nuff said.

The Rams

Blueberry Jam

2 oz Bacardi Gold

3 wasted 1st round draft picks from Washington

The 49rs

1 oz Smirnoff Gold Vodka (Also lots of teams with gold as a color, though for the 49rs it makes sense)

1 oz Goldschlager

1 oz Gosling’s Gold Seal rum

1 oz Campari

Chug, throw empty glass at the head of a Raiders fan.

The Cardinals

1 oz Tequila

6 oz Tomato juice

Drink with a confused resident of St. Louis

Doktor Zymm
Doktor Zymm
An expert at time travel*, Doktor Zymm also has the ability to move objects with her mind** and can breath underwater***. *Forward only, at a preset rate **Via her hands, usually ***When the water is contained in a glass
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Don TfmwarnerballsofsteelandfuryHoratio CornblowerBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
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Don T

The Cowboys one killed me.

WhyEaglesWhy

Mmm, a liquor sno-cone.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we do a poll of which of these we’d each drink?

ballsofsteelandfury

I think the better way would be to ask which we would NOT drink.

scotchnaut

“I got drunk just reading this amazing post!”

-A Horatio Cornblower testimonial

Horatio Cornblower

Oh that’s not why I’m drunk.

King Hippo

oh, this be good. Hope when the AFC rolls around, my team’s involves horse tranquilizers and a blender, Bojack-style.

Horatio Cornblower

Can’t wait for the Steelers.

11 Iron City beers. Repeat per quarter until black-out or police intervention.

ballsofsteelandfury

My favorite is the Cowboys one. God bless their hearts, some poor Cowboys fans will actually make one and drink it.

Horatio Cornblower

You’re kidding yourself if you think ol’ Double J isn’t already drinking mercury.

Cuntler

Just don’t drink it in December. For some reason people choke on it that month.

Old School Zero

We may need to make Thirsty Thursday a regular thing; I like all these beverage-themed posts in one day.

ballsofsteelandfury

Done and done.