Your “Oh God – Am I Stepping On Toes?!” Wednesday Open Thread

There’s a game tonight? THERE’S A GAME TONIGHT!

You may thank God/disaster preparations for this blessing. Washington & Tampa got moved to Wednesday because there might be a tropical storm hitting the Bay on Thursday night, and that was projected to quintuple the number of people expected to contract MRSA via attending the game. It’s “safety first” for 2016’s NFL.

Normally, I’d get out of the way on a weekday game night. But this is preseason Week 4, and two relatively bland teams. It might be beneath our veritable Scotchnaut. I concocted this Thread just in case.


Pictured: the Vikings updated 2016 season projection.

NFL Notes: Bridgewater edition

  • official word is still a dislocated knee and fully torn ACL
  • the Vikings are hopeful he might return; common sense says he’s done for the year
  • ESPN has a half-sad, half-redemption story on how many first-round QBs Shaun Hill has had to fill in for during his career.
    • Historical fact: He was with the Vikings when Mike Tice was head coach.
  • Peter King, not surprisingly, has thoughts.
    • the interesting portion is how Zimmer turned to Bill Parcells for advice, and Parcells referenced Phil Simms’ injury and turning to Jeff Hostetler.

NFL Notes: non-Bridgewater edition

  • Colin Kaepernick is listed as the 49ers starter for Week 4 in San Diego, their “Salute to the Military” night. I see no problems with that.
    • As if the welcome from the crowd won’t be enough, Chip probably wants Marmalard to yell at him during the first quarter, so he’ll quit of his own volition.
  • the Cowboys are going to kick the tires on former Browns & Rams QB Austin Davis.
  • Barkevious Mingo is “excited” to be with the Patriots. Of course he is – he’s going to see more wins this season than he’s seen in his previous three combined.
  • Antonio Brown restructured his deal. His deal is now worth more money, as it advances 2017 money to this year. He’s expected to get even more money next year when he signs an extension. Money is good.

Finally, I think ESPN is out of ideas. They have separate stories on both the evolution of Tom Brady’s coiffure

and Aaron Rodgers’ annual preseason facial hair.


End of summer means back-to-school sales. Rather than perusing the usual Target & Big 5 flyers, let’s check in with those fine folks at The Whisky Exchange to see what they are promoting:

Talisker’s Distillers Edition is finished in amoroso casks, similar in style to sweet oloroso sherry. This 2003 vintage has sweetness and fruitiness backing up the distillery’s maritime character.
TASTING NOTES:
Nose: Gorgeous combination of sea spray and brine, oyster shells and pink peppercorns, along with chewy malt, orange peel and plenty of fruit to tame the pepper and smoke. Classic Talisker fire but softer and sweeter.
Palate: Seville orange marmalade, then freshly ground black pepper, along with woodsmoke, clove and coriander seed. The aromatic smokiness builds, kept in check with the sweet, juicy notes of orange, grapefruit and lemon. Good fruity undercurrent to the savoury, peppery kick.
Finish: Like the dying embers of a fire, with a sprinkling of aromatic citrus.
Comment: A delightful combination of classic Talisker smoke and pepper, lifted with heady citrus notes.

 

Okay, but what about something in a Lowland for my delicate palate?

 

This is the second batch of Auchentoshan’s Virgin Oak. Aged in new North American oak casks, this triple-distilled Lowland whisky is rich, spicy and complex.
PRODUCER’S NOTES:
To the eye: Deep sienna orange
To the nose: Cinnamon and nutmeg, toasted vanilla and candied orange.
To the tongue: Spiced apple, smooth chocolate caramel, maple candy and a velvety mouthfeel.
To the end: Warm with spiced orange and brown sugar.

 

 

Evaluation?


Tonight’s sports:

  • NFL: Washington @ Tampa Bay – 8:00 – NFLN
  • MLB: Pirates at Cubs – 8:00 – ESPN
  • US Open: Second Round – 6:00 – ESPN2

I dare you to find something interesting to talk about during tonight’s game.

YOU HAVE BEEN DARED!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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WCS

Unsurprised

Don’t do a bar crawl with lawyers and MBAs.

blackroseMD1

Is there anything worse in life, non-human division, than your dog dying unexpectedly?

I hate everything right now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, damn.

laserguru

Shit man that’s awful.
We’re here for you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That sucks terribly, it’s bad enough that the one animal that understands you, maybe the most, on an instinctual level has such a comparatively short life span, but the shock of the unexpected is a damn knife in the gut. Take it easy tonight.

blackroseMD1

Thanks for listening guys.

Think I’m gonna polish off these IPAs and then try to come to terms with it tomorrow.

laserguru

That’s sound advice. Hopefully you have friends or family nearby.

I’m so sorry.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You needn’t specify “non human division”.
The unconditional love from a good dog (or cat sometimes) is irreplaceable. My sincere condolences.

WCS

Oh, man. You have my sincere condolences. I wish I could do more; the DFO crew is here for you, buddy. Hang in there.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sorry to hear about your pooch. They are better friends than us, but we’ll do our best to support you in the meantime.

Fronkenshteen

Deeply sorry. Dogs are great people. Hope you’re doing ok.

laserguru

As of today I’ve officially paid off both of my broken ass knees.

No more doctor bills this week motherfuckers.

I feel so good I’m going to Vegas in December to celebrate.

Want some?
Let’s get some!

laserguru

Son of Spam was just asking about the Thunder from Down Under line up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Tuba from Cuba?

Oh, that’s from the other side of Taintland.

laserguru

C’mon man!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Hey, look….. you can’t be messing with these wires OK?”

“We know the radiation makes you irritable, but this is the power for our servers, man.”

http://66.media.tumblr.com/7001dc39a3efb6074a65eb90ec4b0e51/tumblr_o8b8gmiqzN1s7e5k5o1_1280.jpg

WCS

Sup.
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

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Sill Bimmons

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Night, all. May your lives be fulfilled and your dreams be erotic.

Brocky

i am wayyyyy to into the halloween spirit already:

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsqdluoBYf1r02dr2o1_500.gif

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So I just realized that my cat pulled off the trifecta today: one bird, one lizard, and one mouse.

Brick Meathook

I saw George Thorogood & The Delaware Destroyers at The Bayou in Georgetown in Washington DC (when that lower riverside neighborhood was still an industrial shit hole) when I was 16 with a fake ID that I had made. I was the fake ID artist in my high school class.

Brocky

That’s good hustle

slaps Rkki’s cat on the ass, hard

Brocky is subsequently boycotted by PETA

Brick Meathook

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

This song was used as a bumper on Colbert (last night? The one I have on pause now). If it is gonna be stuck in my head all night I am taking you fuckers with me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECiMhe4E0pI

Brick Meathook

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I have come to the conclusion that United does not stock enough Glenfarclas for me to get into trouble.

:sigh:

Ubering home now.

Sill Bimmons

COME ON JORDY

Sill Bimmons

damn

Brick Meathook

Did you know that you can save time by logging in using your WordPress account? This is helpful, since I have to log in every five minutes.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

EVERY FIVE MINUTES? USUALLY WHEN YOU HAVE DIARRHEA IT IS NO LONGER IN LOG FORM BUT MORE OF A LIQUID.

Brick Meathook

MINE COMES IN ROCKET FORM

Sill Bimmons

Bucs rally WOO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

So I’m watching the Cubs game, and holy shit what a catch by russell.

Bases loaded, 2 outs, Pittsburg hits a fly ball to the left, shortstop hauls ass, does a sliding knée catch to end the inning and save 3 runs

Sill Bimmons

fuuu

jjfozz

I find it unbelievable that even at my old age, I can sit down too quickly on a chair and squash my balls. It’s worse than biting your tongue by mistake.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit….I hate my mirror sometimes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are not that cut.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Stop checking out my flabby bod.
Fucking pervert.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You DO have nice titties……

Sill Bimmons

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Hmmmmm…..
/thinks a certain someone has been talking too much
//won’t name names

jjfozz

Mrs. Fozz: “The oldest still has diarrhea. ”
Me: “Well, don’t worry, cause he’s faking. He’s still full of shit.”

Door slams shut.

Fuck it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

We know if she came up with that pun, she’d still be laughing.

LemonJello

That’s too good not to save for future use when one of House LemonJello suffers from this.

Brocky

Jaime Foxx doing verizon commercials: Man, he really deserves better

Jennifer Garner doing Venture commercials: ehh….

jjfozz

Ah yes, Joan Rivers’ last role.

LemonJello

They’ve never been seen in the same place at the same time, have they?

Coincidence? I think not.

theeWeeBabySeamus

fozz…2 weeks (ish)…weekend of 16th looking more concrete.
Family could still fuck it up, but I’d say we’re up 90%. Save the date, I’ll advise further as things change.

jjfozz

I’m all atingle! By then I should be sober from the Raven’s home opener

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gotta ditch elderly mom on the eastern shore to visit elderly friend. Then it’s hookers and blow and oogling your hot wife all weekend.

Wait, forget that last part.

I’m browsing Camden tix as we speak in fact…most bcuz there will be no playoffs to see. Fuck you Josh Donaldson and Joey Bats. Fuckers.

jjfozz

My wish to watch Joey Bats get a bleach and Ebola enema

theeWeeBabySeamus

My secret wish is to see Darren O’Day decapitate him with chin music.
And it ain’t like he hasn’t tried. Always love seeing them face one another.

/loves conflict too much probably

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You guys GET aA ROOM!

No seriously, get a room so you don’t drive after a few belts. Maybe a a taxi, bee careful out there.

http://65.media.tumblr.com/c01b82991a33a92ee74471fac8c9d2d6/tumblr_oc6m00njap1qlz1v3o1_500.jpg

Sill Bimmons

I might have to coordinate a DC meeting the following Monday to come and meet you Baltimorons.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Do you really want to have that emotionally scarring experience?
Remember who you’re talking about here.

/remembers you fit into our particular brand of insanity
//fuck yeah!!!!!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which Monday? I’m allegedly back in DC for a little while.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If anyone wants a quick recap of Trump’s speech, just take that poem from the Statue of Liberty and say the exact opposite.

jjfozz

HOW IN THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS?

I DONE GOT ME A NEW JORB!

Doktor Zymm

Congrats!

jjfozz

Thanks, Herr Doktor. I just watched Addams Family and I will now read every one of your posts in the voice of that fake psychiatrist.

theeWeeBabySeamus

With the likeminded hater?
/so envious

Brocky

Fuck yeah! Does that mean coke and strippers are on fozzy tonight?

theeWeeBabySeamus

When are coke and stripper not on fozz?
Oh yeah, when the wife’s around….I forgot.

jjfozz

I got barrels of the stuff down in the basement, somewhere behind those vintage Uzis. I’m talking hookers, the cokes coming in via a band of mules that are being delivered via Amazon Prime.

Gratliff

I don’t even like using other people’s computers. Imagine following that shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They have an automatic sterilization program after every use, the one time it malfunctioned ….

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry for the fanfic.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ll drink to that!

Sill Bimmons

IS IT A BLOWJORB?

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Don T

Congratulations man. May it be less stressful and have a shitty firewall.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I really hate moving to a new page of comments when I think I’ve been funny (“think” being the key word there of course) on the previous page but know I can’t maintain my level of hilarity in all likelihood.
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Don T

It’s not a competition. But I’ve heard that’s Loser Talk.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m literally having scotch and gummi bears on this flight right now #americaisalreadygreat #thisishowtwitterworksright

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit…what airline?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

United

theeWeeBabySeamus

Damn…that means a layover in Chicago probably.
Meh….booze and pure sugar will make it pass quickly enough.

Brocky

Friend: Man I don’t know if it was a pyramid scheme or a timeshare, all I know is that it felt like a cult meeting. You ever had that

Me: I’ve been to a Ron Paul rally, does that count?

Doktor Zymm

*Glances at game*

Hey look, DC’s 4th string players seem to be better than Tampa Bay’s 4th string players. Woo?

Sill Bimmons

Theismann just called Martavis Bryant “Martavian.”

Sill Bimmons

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

“Is that his brother’s name?”

-Jed York, maybe?

Sill Bimmons

–Jeff Ireland?

Shogun Marcus

Can’t tell em all apart 3/5 of the time!
~J. Richardson