Your “Hey, Where’s the NFL?” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Wait?! Why am I writing a Thursday Open Thread? That must mean…

Oh no…

Dear God…

The offseason is partially at hand! What horrors await? Why:

  • Three months of “…and the Browns are on the clock.”
  • Six months of waiting for training camps to start.
  • Eight months until the Browns are eliminated from playoff contention.
  • Nine months until the Browns settle on a starting QB.

Savour these playoff games people, for soon the darkness will be upon us all. (Pity unavailable for Leafs fans.)

NFL News:

  • Don’t look now Broncos fans, but here comes a(nother) Shanahan to save the day!
    • Oh, sorry – that’s Kyle Shanahan. Carry on.
  • Hey Niners fans, Jeff Garcia wants to be your head coach!
    • He admits he has no formal training or skills, but he does have a little something called heart grit a dad who taught him the dedication necessary to become a coach.
      • Note: Jeff Garcia has never coached at any level.
        • Note note: he at least admits this.
  • Richard Sherman has announced he’s boycotting the media, probably because they reported the dumb things he recently said.
    • If I may be so bold as to present the average fan’s reaction to this:
  • Sitting out Week 17 didn’t prevent Tyrod Taylor from having to undergo the knife. He had surgery today for a “core muscle” issue.
    • What’s surprising is the Bills’ official reaction, putting out a statement that Taylor “elected to have surgery this morning”.
      • This will make it interesting if his recovery time puts him into the range of the Bills having to cover the injury guarantees in his contract. If he fails his physical on or before March 11, the whole $27.5 million becomes guaranteed.
  • ESPN dumped a bunch of data indicating broadcasters saw television viewership drop an average of 8 percent for the 2016 regular season, or about 1.4 million viewers.
    • The biggest hits were on Sunday Night (down 10%) and Monday Night (down 12%).
      • Thursday Night games were excluded from the analysis.
    • The election date appears to be the bellwether
      • prior to November 8, ratings were down 14%
      • post November 8, ratings were down only 1%
    • CBS‘ analysis of the data attributes some of the recovery to the popularity of the Cowboys, as numbers for their specific games were up versus the rest of the league.
      • Proving, somewhat, that the whole “America’s Team” bullshit actually holds some credence.
This, however, is just unnecessary.
Continuing with this shit, however, is just unnecessary.

 

Finally, in “Oh, isn’t this just fucking rich” news, reports out of San Diego

indicate that the NFL’s stadium and finance committees will meet on January 11 to discuss the various stadium situations in Oakland, LA and San Diego.

  • PFT reports that in reference to the San Diego situation, San Diego State is willing to kick in $100 million for the new venue, the city is offering $200 million, and the county is offering $75 million, leaving a funding gap of $175 million.
    • And who does Florio think will cover this shortfall? Why good ol’ Stan Kroenke, in order to keep LA clear for him and him alone. A “robbing St. Louis to pay Spanos” sort of arrangement.
  • The LA Times has a good breakdown of the various questions facing the Chargers leading up to their January 15th deadline.

As for the Raiders, not much is directly new on their front.

  • The Ronnie Lott proposal is still on the council agenda, but no word on Mark Davis’ feelings on the issue.
  • Robert Kraft is solidly behind the move to Vegas, saying Davis “has become a good partner of the league.”
    • However, former Las Vegas partner Sheldon Adelson is now trying to block the Raiders attempt to move to Vegas.
  • The Warriors have announced a groundbreaking for their new arena in San Francisco’s Mission Bay neighbourhood for January 17.
    • The 18,000-seat Chase Center will anchor a district of 11 acres of restaurants, cafes, offices, public plazas and other amenities the neighborhood currently lacks, along with a new five-and-a half-acre public waterfront park.
    • It costs Alameda County a tenant, but does free up more land for a complete rebuild of the stadium, if they choose to stay in the same location.
      • Allowing construction of separate football and baseball facilities.

Just in time for the Wild Card round, “The Ringer” has come out with a Guide to Adopting an NFL Playoff Team. It goes through all the available teams and makes cases for following each one. For me, it provokes two things:

  1. Hate, blinding & irrational, on a level Fozz would appreciate, for all involved in producing such tripe – especially Bill Simmons, because his Patriots fundamentalism makes the thin veneer of neutrality on this site laughable.
  2. Pity, that they assume people cannot simply enjoy the games for what they are.
    • keep in mind that pity itself is a form of hate, because you detest the person for what they have become.

Be true to yourselves: root for your team, or against another. Ultimately, then pray for the meteor to hit at halftime of the Goodellian-engineered Patriots-Cowboys Super Bowl.


In more appropriate football fiction, NFL Network has come up with “A Football Life” short on Rod Tidwell.

It’s specifically to remind you it’s been 20 years since Jerry McGuire came out. There’s no new Tom Cruise or Cuba Gooding footage, but there’s enough of a story to make the 10 minutes you spend not seem like a total waste.


Canada 150:

Your Canada 150 moment for January 5 commemorates this date in 1910, when le Club de Hockey Canadien (CHC) de Montréal played their first game in the National Hockey Association. Their founding predates the NHL by seven years, and is just another example of why the Habs and not the Leafs should have played in the Centennial Classic.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Oilers at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Sabres at Blackhawks – 8:30PM | NBCSN
    • Red Wings at Kings – 10:30PM | Sportsnet
  • World Junior Hockey Championship: Gold Medal Game
    • Canada vs USA – 8:00PM | TSN / NHLN
  • NBA:
    • Jazz at Raptors – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • Thunder at Rockets – 8:00PM | TNT
    • Lakers at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    • Purdue at Ohio State – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • UConn at Memphis – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Cal at UCLA – 10:00PM | ESPN
    • Gonzaga at San Francisco – 10:00PM | ESPN2
    • Utah at Arizona – 10:00PM | FS1

Plus, there’s always the new Free Ballin’ Football podcast to tide you over until Saturday afternoon.

C’mon, join your pal Dylan McKay in a drink. ONE WON’T KILL YOU!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit that chance! It’s like if I had Christy Canyon naked in front of me and she spreads her legs and I can’t find my penis.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

So…you somehow turn into PK’s favorite gunslinger?

King Hippo

I’m not watching but I am still pulling FOAR Canadia.

Sharkbait

Don’t fail me now penalty kill

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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litre_cola

This game has been a wee bit of a roller coaster.

Sharkbait

The US should pretend they are always down 2 apparently.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

We do that every September anyway.

ballsofsteelandfury

This is a pretty crazy game.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Holy tits.

Unsurprised

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Just play Charlie McAvoy the rest of the period, please.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oh I forgot it’s Charlie McAvoy and five pylons for the US defense.

Sharkbait

Well fuck.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My brother was doing most of Robert Schimmel’s HBO comedy special from 20 years ago when he was home for Xmas on cig breaks. Picked the first joke I saw he said more than once and left the clip there

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93tjUbd00go&feature=youtu.be&t=156

ballsofsteelandfury

Robert was the host of the AVN Awards show I attended.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

World Juniors is what NAMBLA calls its convention.

And they have a lot in common: a subsection of Canadian men care way too much about what teens do.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Apparently in Heaven they’re doing a Star Wars re-enactment with George Michael blowing a Wookie and giving David Bowie a handjob simultaneously.

Sharkbait

Isnt that a Tatooine Trifecta?

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I was driving on Route 22 and there was an ad for an attempted rapist on the loose. 5’3″ 120 lbs.

Well he won’t be invited to my Basketball and Rape Party, I tell you that!

Unsurprised

Attempted rape. They don’t give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That’s why Dahmer never got one imo

King Hippo

well, just yew wait a few years and them libtards sure nuff will make sure they do! (smgdh)

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Holy Shit Canada found goalies who can actually stop the puck.

This isn’t Jordan Binnington and Mason McDonald anymore.

Sharkbait

That powerplay is fucking scary.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I love these US forwards. Defense is meh, but IDGAF.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I see everyone from my childhood I stalk because I hope they fell off the wagon like me is getting married using this thing called The Knot. And they stay up forever.

They should make a follow up one called the untie when the loveless co-ed you met in college went out and blew a Bulgarian because she checks her phone every 5 minutes and if you don’t reply within that time frame she gets offended and looks for ethnic men because she has a deep seated hate for her father.

It’s called The Untie.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Oh, you knew Lindsay too?

Sharkbait

PPG USA! tied at 2

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litre_cola

NO.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I am getting my scoring updates on that game from my dad, who is on 16 times the normal amount of steroids they give people while having an anger problem. I hear everything a floor away through 2 closed doors

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m so mad at the Chargers. All they had to do was beat Cleveland, and then Cleveland’s final game that propelled them to 0-16 would have included the following:
1. A potential pick-6 turned into a touchback thanks to a fumble at the goal line.
2. Having the ball inside the opponents 10 yard line with the game tied and under one minute left, then fumbling.
3. Having first and goal at Pittsburgh’s 2 yard line in overtime and a chance to win outright, then calling three passing plays, losing 14 yards (no penalties), and having to settle for a field goal.
4. Allowing Pittsburgh to drive 75 yards in just 9 plays (including a 4th and 2 conversion) to score the deciding touchdown.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

That apparently makes 3 of us.

King Hippo

A stark reminder that, for all its many warts, the NFL is still at least not the rest of godforsaken creation. I miss even colour rush Jaguras, damn it!!

Also, of course I already have within my blackened heart my degrees of hatreds and various shades of “eh, they’re alright, I guess” for the 31 non-Donks franchises. It’s not like I just awoke from a coma or something.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I got my 5 TB external hard drive today. Well the delivery driver just threw it on the driveway yesterday. I am starting the process of getting all my movies and TV HD again.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I completely forgot her name but googles smart search sent me there right away

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Unsurprised

Yvonne Strahovski. Did it also send you to her sex scene?

Unsurprised

Just explore that subreddit for a bit. There are three or four different clips from that Manhattan Night movie that you probably want to watch.

Sharkbait
Unsurprised

I love Billy Connolly’s reaction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BkwnGq2yaA

Unsurprised

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Sharkbait

What’s worse: No football on a Thursday? Or, Browns football on a Thursday?

Also, get your head out of your ass USA Hockey?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

You have met hockey players from the US right? They are horrible people. Like Kane is our best example and he beat up a cabbie because he was drunk after winning the cup with an OT goal

...

And let’s not forget the sexual assault!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

/The screaming abruptly stops

http://cover32.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/USATSI_9605003_164063748_lowres-e1477061150248.jpg

SO YOU’RE TELLING BOLTMAN THAT THERE’S A CHANCE?!

//Headbangs and puts up devil horns

BOLTMAN NEEDS TO MAKE A PILGRIMAGE TO THE LAUGHABLE CITY OF ANGELS TO “DISCUSS” THESE FINANCING ISSUES WITH THIS PUNY MORTAL STAND KROENKE!

///Pulls out jumper cables from somewhere within suit and runs off into the night

theeWeeBabySeamus

She’s pertty.

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

“should of

theeWeeBabySeamus

A pet peeve of mine as well.
Trust me….pointing it out wins no friends.

Unsurprised

People are terrible and stupid and I hate them all.

I have come to the conclusion that my entire life will only be worth it if I devote myself to spite.

litre_cola

My work place would enrage you, but I get a pension so I just drink away the anger.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Irregardless of your intentions it is still a dick move to bring it up. I could care less but at least have some decency. If I am being too harsh on accident I apologize. For all intensive purposes I am just trying to be a good friend

Unsurprised

I WILL SHIT ON YOUR CORPSE

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I didn’t leave for my nap quite yet because I had an idea for dinner tonight. Would it be too much to make a plate of nachos, throw 2 burritos on top and another layer of cheese. Then throw on most of a jar of jalapenos, half a head of lettuce and every ounce of hot sauce and sour cream in the house on top

litre_cola

That is flavour country.

Unsurprised

A pretty big country it would seem

Unsurprised

DO IT!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh man, you would have to bring up Rod Tidwell.
True Story bro….Dude stole my prey one night in a bar in Tempe while he was at Arizona State. I was about to take her down (pun intended) and that fucker rolled up and cock blocked me like a bitch.

Show me the money? I’ll show you the business end of my fist if I ever see you again Rod Tidwell.

Wait, what? He’s fictional? Well then who the fuck was that guy?

litre_cola

Blax.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Blax is probably less fully pigmented.
Just a guess.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t feel bad….. MANY a fictional character has cock and rooster blocked me.

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

This is gonna be me for the next hour. I am actually gonna go for the laying on the face ass up move too

http://kellyrunsforfood.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/156077943306123468_AbvPuLTY_f.jpg

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit….that’s how I’ve felt for 3 days now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“….under whom Shanahan developed his chops as precocious play-caller and quarterback whisperer….”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Oh, now I remember who Mila Kunis reminded me of. A better actress.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

he ded

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Last Christmas George Michael gave us his heart.
The very next year he gave it away.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

I hope someone killed him.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I don’t buy the election excuse. They just put a bunch of terrible games in primetime and let the idiots at NBC and ESPN somehow make them more unwatchable. When they flexed in good… well better games the ratings came back.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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JustStopDude

Nothing about Berman retiring?

litre_cola

Isn’t a forced retirement?

JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Wake me up before you go goooooo…..oh shit.
(Russian Accent, of course)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Helen Flanagan, eh?
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theeWeeBabySeamus

If I had boobs, I’d be a better drummer.
No shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow…THAT went in the wrong place.

Unsurprised

That’s what she sa—

/beaned in the back of the skull with a shovel

theeWeeBabySeamus

Jeebus.
That is all.

litre_cola

Anybody home? No, well then I will help myself to the whisky and weed and no one will notice.

litre_cola

Too cold here, I prefer sweatpants.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Pussy……

Well, there is severe shrinkage to be avoided.

Shogun Marcus

I Love You Sir. OSZ can die in a fire.
/half joking
//the other half wishes godfather three reruns in perpetuity

Shogun Marcus

Whatever and whoever.