“The Only Thing I Know Is That I Know Nothing” Lesser Footy Thread

Two days ago, I had beers with some bid-ness acquaintances of mine.  On tap were several beers from the delightfully named “Evil Twin” Brewing Company, which none of knew going in.  Apt, because I am the father of twins, one broker is the mom of twins (2 years old, she needed a fookin’ drink), and the other dude is an identical twin.

Also aptly, I chose “The Only Thing I Know Is That I Know Nothing” IPA.  Come at me bro, I like IPAs.

Getting to the footy I know fuckall about, Spurs visit Huddersfield Town to lead things off (7:25, NBCSN).  Per ESPNFC, this will be the first meeting between the two sides.  If that’s true, that’s pretty incredible (given all the Cups and whatnot).  Huddersfield are 8th in the Table, so this is no walk in the park.

In the 10:00 window, NBCSN is continuing their string of Crystal Palace snuff films (Man United this week).  Cruelly, no free alternative is offered.  If you have NBC Sports Gold (spits on ground) or will brave the malware stream world, Bournemouth v. Leicester or Watford v. West Brom are much, much better options.

The 12:30 match is great this week, of course when my JV side plays (sigh).  League leaders Man City invade Stamford Bridge (FULHAM) to take on the defending champs.  On NBCSN, not big NBC for some reason, but it’s hot shit regardless.  City is missing some firepower, so don’t be surprised to see Chelsea mount a real challenge.

You gets a Sunday Funday tripleheader, all on NBCSN.  Arsenal/Brighton & Hove (7:00), Everton hosting Burnley (9:15), then the Barcodes hosting the Redshite (11:30).  All fixtures of at least medium interest, though the last deserves a good suicide bombing.  Everton need a convincing win in the worst way, and Burnley are not a good side to face when lacking form and confidence.  Who the fuck knows what you will get from Arsenal, week to week?

Enjoy it, for another dumb fucking international break looms.

Vanderbilt at Florida (Noon, ESPN)

Florida is poop, but Vandy is Vandy.  They find gloriously creative ways to lose, especially to the Gators.

Georgia at Tennessee (3:30, CBS)

This was the “dueling Hail Mary” game from last season, that damned near gave the elderly CBS crew a coronary event.  And despite how shaky the Vols have been, UGA is due a letdown week.

Florida State at Wake Forest (3:30, ABC)

Just how bad are the Noles/stupid is Jimbo Fisher?  Consider this an acid test of sorts.

Mississippi State at Auburn (6:00, ESPN)

The second tier of the SEC West battles amongst themselves.  Cowbells really shat themselves last week, after a statement win the week prior.  Aubie was crap against Clemson.  Both could really use this’un.

South Carolina at Texas A&M (7:30, SECN)

You know, there are lots of middle-tier SEC fixtures that I find interesting for hard to define reasons.  Or maybe the rest of the slate is just garbage.  South Cakalaky has no offense, TAMU no defense.

Oklahoma State at Texas Tech (8:00, Fox)

Guns Up!! got past Houston last week, now they have to get past a pissed off (or just exposed?) Pokes squadron this week.  But Primetime showcase in Lubbock?  Very interesting.  This is the best matchup of the week, by a long shot.

Cal at Oregon (10:30, FS1)

Calling all tweakers!  Here’s your festival of scoring.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

So if I go to Knoxville and wear the wrong color shirt for my section, do they kick me out or just re-seat me?

litre_cola

Jyst drop pey peys name and all charges are dropped like a Tee Martin pass.

theeWeeBabySeamus

But then they’ll just teabag me, no?
Decisions, decisions….let’s not rule anything out.

Redshirt

Buttsnap! We got a Buttsnap in Knoxville!

Redshirt

“Does the ball touch the line?”

Replay shows ball one yard into the endzone.

Brocky

So….. technically no?

Unsurprised

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Redshirt

Trump being a fan of Jean Claude Van Damme should’ve been revealed before the election. We could’ve avoided all of this!

Unsurprised

This is from an article from at least a year ago. Maybe two. It may be one of the random puff pieces from back when he was just a reality TV piece of shit.

Gratliff

This is the moment he became presidential

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dawgs Dawgs Dawgs
WOOF WOOF WOOF

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy hell, can’t believe he caught that.

Viva La Tabula Raza

What’s with the top-hat wearing old man on the Wake Forest helmets? Looks like an evil version of the Monopoly millionaire guy. Is WF trying to suck up to Trump or something?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Baptists have….interesting views on things.

scotchnaut

Is Wonder Woman worth a looky-loo? Like 10 bucks worth? Or is it all ‘special fects’ and nonsense?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Enjoyed it on the big screen. Got real sick of the song though.

litre_cola

Very little is worth 10 bucks.

litre_cola

My mother is visiting so instead of being a stoned wino on my couch I am shopping with the whole damn family. Howevah i did stop at the restaurant in the complex and down 2 glasses of vino in half an hour.

Pray for mojo.

Unsurprised

In that it’s a constant waste of time with very little action interspersed, and most of that consists of futile efforts to bash the shit out of each other?

That’s accurate as Hell.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Better you than me. I’m high as fuck now, and about to add drunk to the list.

Who’s got the coke?

/asking foar a friend

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

The smartest joke-maker you’ve maybe never heard of-

/this is an early version of this routine-couldn’t find the finished product. But you get the idea

http://teamcoco.com/video/gary-gulman-07-13-16

Redshirt

Football 101: If the head coach has to remind you that you’re a good team, you’re not a good team.

Redshirt

I think it was Wake Forest. Their colors were black.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I haven’t seen a Dungey run like that since….

Shit, I got nothin’.

theeWeeBabySeamus

There it is!!!!!!

All aboard to hell, peepuhl!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Somebody greased JaySam up today.

JustStopDude

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theeWeeBabySeamus

She frightens me.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well at least I was correct that we didn’t blow it before I got back. But we’re damn sure trying, huh?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Wow. I didn’t realize things were very hard for Chewy after Return of the Jedi.

ballsofsteelandfury

Actually, it looks like they weren’t hard…

Redshirt

Okay, I finally got my ass outside to mow the lawn. It was probably my grass allergy acting up but I could’ve sworn I heard the leaves on the trees laughing, “We’re next!”

scotchnaut

You couldn’t rape me enough to get me to wear a camo Cuse cap.

scotchnaut

[Cuse gains 2 yards on the ground]

“That running game is top-notch!”

-Ben McAdoo

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yeah, I kinda did fuck up a little on this one.

Redshirt

Can’t we go one week without a holy war being declared on us or by us?!

Spanky Datass

No footy on big NBC because of the President’s Cup (golf) coverage.

Oddly, this year the Cup is distorted, orange-ish and very, very small … like tiny.

Wakezilla

In what are you doing with your life news: I’m tutoring a 17 year old Senior who is part of this group of people who are about to start a business where they sell these plants that are designed to absorb (I think) CO2 emissions. Pollution anyway.

I can’t imagine anyone would be interested in buying that…..

Unsurprised

If those plants were also a breed of cannabis, they will be billionaires

Unsurprised

I missed beer. Drinking and avoiding a terrible Florida game on the tube waiting for people to show up.

Brick Meathook

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Unsurprised

Somebody’s gettin’ raped

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

What happened? Did Dungy’s kid get himself down?

Horatio Cornblower

Who in their right mind would ever grab a beer called ‘Yeast LA’?

Brick Meathook

The other choice was “Hobo Snot”

scotchnaut

The Infected Cyst Brewery has a few more surprises for their hardcore fans…

Shogun Marcus

Wisco musta been hungover from the disco last night. Looks like they finally showed up.

Shogun Marcus

Nah. The trick about hangovers as I recall was to not stop in the first place.

Horatio Cornblower

“Train Ride Open, Big Ben In” That’s the name of Florida’s Hail Mary play, and also Big Ben’s defense in his last rape accusation. “If the ride is open, Big Ben’s goin’ in your honor!!! Pew! Pew!”

/attorney weeps

Unsurprised

HARF HARF

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL, thanks for that ‘Cuse.
He’ll still miss tho.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Told ya.
Now booze store.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s cloudy, damp and cold here in CT, but I just got some ham and sausage gumbo and the remote and all is right with the world.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Woooo, halftime booze run and we probably can’t blow this lead in the few minutes of the 3rd before my return. Happy Day.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No God, that wasn’t a challenge.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I haven’t seen a Dungey get cut down like that since…

Never mind.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh snap.
LMFAO

JustStopDude

Let’s Go Terps!

Please Don’t DERP!

Unsurprised

I see everything still sucks ass.

Unsurprised

Exactly

laserguru

damn foreigners taking our damn jerbs.

So are we having Chinese or Mexican food for dinner guys?

laserguru

I’m thinking General Tso’s chicken, sausage fried rice and egg rolls.
There’s this place in Hawthorne that uses Chinese sausage in their fried rice and it is just plain ridiculous how fucking tasty it is.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Backfoot, Ryan. That was ugly. Holding bailed ya out tho.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, that catch made up for it. I like ya agian.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Question to ponder….

Why is it OK (re: the rules, that is) for an offensive player to lead with the helmet when contact is coming, but not a defensive player?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Precisely.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Thank Christ they didn’t bubble screen us. We’d have shat ourselves.