Request Line: Too Many Cooks

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY.

A young man settles into the chair behind the microphone.  He looks through the glass at the PRODUCER, who punches a button marked TALKBACK, frowns, then releases the button and pulls open the studio door and pokes his head inside. 

PRODUCER: You’re going to have to remove your helmet.

BRANDIN COOKS: Uh-uh.

PRODUCER: It’s going to be a lot tougher for us to communicate if you don’t put the headphones on.

COOKS: ‘At’s ine.  I ‘eel ‘afer ‘is ‘ay.

The PRODUCER sighs in exasperation, and moves entirely into the booth, taking a standing position next to BRANDIN COOKS.  He counts off audibly and then leans forward and punches a button on the console.

PRODUCER: Good afternoon, and welcome to Request Line.  I’m here with newly minted local Brandin Cooks.  Welcome, Brandin.

COOKS: ‘Anks for ‘aving me.

PRODUCER: Now the last time we saw you was during the Super Bowl.  Any memories from the day that you’d like to share with our viewers?

COOKS: Oo ee ‘onest, I ‘ont ’emember all ‘at ‘uch a’out uh ‘ame.

PRODUCER: Oh…right.

PRODUCER: So it’s been quite a tour through the NFL for you so far – you’ve had the privilege of playing with Drew Brees on the Saints, Tom Brady when you were with the Patriots, and now with rising star Jared Goff here in Los Angeles.

COOKS: ‘At’s ‘rue.

PRODUCER: So I understand you’ve picked out a theme for today’s Request Line in tribute to that?

COOKS: ‘At’s ‘right.  ‘Oday’s ‘opic is ‘ooking.

PRODUCER: ‘Looking’? As in, sightseeing, tourism…

COOKS: ‘O.  ‘Ooking.

PRODUCER: ‘Booking’? Like, literature…

COOKS: [growing frustrated] ‘O.  ‘Ooking.

PRODUCER: ‘Rooking’? You mean like the game of chess? I’m not sure there’s many songs about…

COOKS: ‘Ooking! Ooking ooking ooking!

PRODUCER: [puts hands out and shrugs]

COOKS: [mimes the “feed me” motion]

PRODUCER: Oh, COOKing.  Like restaurants, cuisine, eating, that sort of stuff.  No problem, got it.  Why don’t I get us started with a good old classic tune from Arlo Guthrie.

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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nomonkeyfun

It’s a Psycho-Billy double shot!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQynViAF6Ds

SonOfSpam

Best Smashing Pumpkins song? Yes, and also poorly spelled.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s7-30i1f5e0

LemonJello
Don T

Dynamite song about one of my fave foods: twice-fried, smashed green plantains. Johnny Ventura – Patacón pisao
https://youtube.com/watch?v=t3QFesy7XG8

SonOfSpam
LemonJello
SonOfSpam

Zeppelin has many food songs. This one is badass.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVP3g1-Wq_0

SonOfSpam

ZEPPELIN DOUBLE SHOT REDUX

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOLTwt-bqoU

SonOfSpam

Actual recipe in the song!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3RgXpIl8XM

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pete Schweddy has a rebuttal….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPpcfH_HHH8

ArmedandHammered

Libation of choice when I cook:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3H6amDbAwlY

Gratliff

The Cake Is An 11-Year Old Meme. Holy shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6ljFaKRTrI

ArmedandHammered

If you can’t stand it, get out of the kitchen:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA_r1xEA_2M

SonOfSpam

Fun fact: I worked at Disneyland in the 80s at a restaurant called The French Market (supposed to evoke a New Orleans feel), and we served “Jambalaya” which was horrid and foul and nothing like actual jambalaya.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pa2Tl5BeK-U

LemonJello
ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Triple shot:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dx7SVAQ0dZU

It is not a southern meal without biscuits.

ArmedandHammered

Especially if from Bojangles:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xb4bQVUNjNo

Quad shot – I forgot how many songs they had about food

LemonJello

DAMMIT! How did I forget this one?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Right? FWIW there’s still a lot of pie on the board.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yw4yz_jjOU

yeah right

This is about food right?
RIGHT?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrbFQEcpJ3A

Don T

Impeccable cooking taste:
-goat stew with wine
-fish with lemon juice
-pork with oregano and pepper
-rice with pork fat

El Gran Combo – El menú (que le pongan salsa)
https://youtube.com/watch?v=6klh6Dszi_g

Don T

¡Doble shot! Group AND stumping for salsa music thru Real Food—with a “light salad” dig at other music.

El Gran Combo – Arroz con habichuelas (Rice & Beans)
https://youtube.com/watch?v=tuyTXL9rW1Y

yeah right
LemonJello
BrettFavresColonoscopy

You know what? I don’t hate this Billy Joel song

https://youtube.com/watch?v=JUz48xw_OiM&feature=youtu.be

theeWeeBabySeamus

Christie Brinkley is judging you.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

She can do just about anything she wants to me

LemonJello

Need something to wash all this food down?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNtTEibFvlQ

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Speaking of cake…

/ducks

https://youtube.com/watch?v=vWaRiD5ym74

SonOfSpam

Dude.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Someone expressed an affinity for artist/song double shots, right?

https://youtube.com/watch?v=G7hzGtmPb6M&feature=youtu.be

BrettFavresColonoscopy
LemonJello
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Value pick.

yeah right
yeah right
LemonJello
LemonJello
yeah right

May be my favorite B-52s song.
Fun fact: this was produced by…David Byrne

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlI7FzN8Pcw

LemonJello
LemonJello
LemonJello

Citrus is a good part of a balanced diet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0Auvlsv860

SonOfSpam

ZEPPELIN CITRUS DOUBLE SHOT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zyhu2ysqKGk

LemonJello

Something before the main course?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2Iv3IRF3oA

LemonJello

“Unless it’s potato, macaroni, egg, tuna or jello salad…then it’s two serving spoons up!”
-also A. Reid.

Senor Weaselo

No, I believe it’s after the steak actually.

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