AFL Beat – 2018 Round 7

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As you’ve no doubt surmised from that beautifully done banner image, this is tWBS coming at you this week from down under.  But don’t get excited (not that you would anyway) because I’m about to really let BallsofSteelandFury  down.  You see, it was my job to sit in for him on AFL Beat this week.  But instead of starting early last night and doing a good job like I promised, I decided to drink some beers and watch a little TV first.  And this was after first  drinking some beers and watching hockey.

Then I fell asleep in the chair.  (Ooooopsie)

Soooooo…. Here we are on the morning of, about to do the best we can with the time we have left.  Which isn’t much.  And when Balls sees this he’ll probably delete it and/or disown me.  At the very least he’ll take his name off of it I suspect.  I know I would.  But still…  As they say in Australia…

Let’s have some grog and get pissed off our faces, mates!!!!!

(Let’s have some beer and get drunk off our asses, friends!!!!!)

Yes, I really am going to daydrink while writing this.  It’s ok because it’s already night time in Australia.

I don’t have a problem…YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!!!!  Right Miranda?

Miranda says it’s OK.


Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

Hastily and poorly written by (a possibly drunk) tWBS


Here kitty kitty…  Round 7 got off to a great start IMHO.  That’s because, somewhat surprisingly, Geelong beat the ever loving piss out of GWS on Friday to get the week rolling.  Not the prettiest match ever played, to be sure.  But the Cats managed to embarrass the Giants rather handily… 93-32 Final.  Ouch.


Then early on Saturday, Western managed to hang on against Gold Coast, allowing the Bulldogs to at least temporarily move a little further away from the bottom rungs on the ladder.  81-72 Final.


Unfortunately, later on Saturday, Essendon did exactly as expected against Hawthorn.  Which is to say “not much”.  Fuck off Hawthorn.  Hawks top the Bombers rather handily in a match which was not even as close as the score would indicate.  90-67 Final.


Wow.  Who could have predicted that the West Coast Eagles would dismantle Port Adelaide so easily?  Oh right, everyone.  The Power’s slide down the ladder continues after getting the “no lube” treatment from West Coast, 102-60 Final.


Hehehehehehe… and now for my favourite match of the week (aside from the Geelong win, of course)…  Suck it, Sydney.  This one is especially sweet because the Swans are still whining their little bitch asses off about being robbed because of a North Melbourne goal they believe should not have counted.  But the officials disagreed.  ‘Roos top the Swans 68-66 as a result.  Hehehehehe, I repeat…  Suck it, Sydney.  Go cry to your Mums.


Saturday’s slate ended just as expected, with Adelaide taking Carlton down without much difficulty.  The Crows edge closer to the top of the ladder, while the still winless Blues continue to sing the blues at the bottom.  (But cheer up Carlton fans, you’ve got a shot next week vs Essendon.  No probably not, actually).  Adelaide gets the easy one here, 125-70.


So, you think that beating Geelong put on GWS was bad?  Maybe ask Freemantle how they feel about that after Richmond pounded on them 110-33.  With the win, Richmond stays atop the ladder of course.


How about another Sunday beatdown?  Sure, why not.  I mean, it is St. Kilda after all.  Not surprisingly, Melbourne has an easy time with the Saints, and creep up the ladder just a little bit.  St. Kilda stays mired near the bottom.  106-67 Final in this one.


And of course, the final match of the round is just going to be another beatdown because….  Wait, whut?  Brisbane did what?  Holy shit, where did that come from?

Probably the best match of the week right here, folks (you know, other than the Swans losing…hehehehe).  Brisbane, a winless team which had already managed to lose to St. Kilda, Port Adelaide and  Gold Coast;  a team which managed to score only 17 three weeks ago against Richmond?  Well they gave Collingwood everything they wanted, and more.  This one was pretty tight throughout, but the ‘Pies pulled away late.  Or did they?  The Lions came storming back and actually tied the score at 114 with about 2 minutes to go, before eventually falling by a 121-114 Final.  Sadly, they are still winless.

But if there is such a thing as a moral victory, this is it.  It was an impressive performance.


So, after Round 7 your ladder now looks like this…


Footy Tipping Contest

Your post Round 7 standings:

I have no idea because I can’t find them.  LMFAO.  But maybe if I find them later I’ll edit this part out and put them in.  We’ll see how drunk I get.


But either way, Balls would never forgive me if I was remiss in reminding you…



AFL Round 8

(all times EDT)

Friday, 11 May

5:50am – Hawthorn v Sydney – MCG

11:45pm – Greater Western v West Coast – SPO

Saturday, 12 May

12:10am – Carlton v Essendon – MCG

2:35am – Gold Coast v Melbourne – Gabba

3:10am – Port Adelaide v Adelaide – Adelaide Oval

5:25am – Western v Brisbane – Ethiad

6:10am – Freemantle v St. Kilda – Optus

11:10pm- North Melbourne v Richmond – Ethiad

Sunday, 13 May

1:20am – Collingwood v Geelong – MCG


OK folks, looks like I’m out of time.  And sadly, I’m not even drunk.  What a letdown.

I was really hoping to be pissed enough to chunder before the arvo.

(drunk enough to puke before the afternoon, btw)

Oh well.  Let’s look at a coupla Sheilas before I go, though…

Shanina Shaik
Jennifer Hawkins

Later Taters

An unapologetic, even if often manic-depressive (it's a requirement given his choices of sports teams), fan of NC State University, the Baltimore Ravens and the Baltimore Orioles. When not parked in front of the computer and/or TV, can often be found on the golf course shouting obscenities to no one in particular.
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King Hippo

Scans quickly to see if Carlton has finally won yet.



I’m actually quite proud of you! Thanks for filling in!



In the distance, “Cat’s in the Cradle” plays…





– Roger Goodell


“That’s two for flinching, turd!”
-Richie Incognito


Goddamnit Essendon, why do I root for you?


You like pain? Come aboard the st. Kilda train there are no highs, only lows.


“Yes, I like pain.” – Andy Reid, in Paris