INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The PRODUCER sits at his regular station outside the recording booth, looking relatively relaxed. DJ3000 is humming quietly in the corner. The PRODUCER punches the talkback button to open up a line into the studio.
PRODUCER: Looks like we’re just about ready to roll. You’re all set?
JULIAN EDELMAN: Are you kidding? I’m pumped! One thing – my throat’s a little dry. You got something I can sip while I’m in here?
PRODUCER: Sure thing – some coffee? Water?
EDELMAN: Got anything sweeter?
PRODUCER: I’m sure there’s something in the fridge. Connor, would you…oh, right.
The PRODUCER gets out of his seat himself, heads into the kitchen, and returns holding a package encased in plastic. He pulls something loose and passes it into the studio, where JULIAN EDELMAN takes it gratefully.
EDELMAN: Perfect, thanks. You know I love the juice.
PRODUCER: Speaking of…
EDELMAN: Yeah, I figured you were gonna ask about that.
PRODUCER: It is fair game to talk about it on the air?
EDELMAN: Oh man, I’d be happy to.
PRODUCER: Wow, great. Okay, here we go…[counts it down]…Welcome to another edition of Request Line at KDFO. With me this week is our very special guest, Julian Edelman. Welcome!
EDELMAN: Thanks for having me. If it’s all right, I’d like to start the show by setting the record straight about something.
PRODUCER: Please proceed.
EDELMAN: So there’s this jogging trail, going through the West Fens. You know it?
PRODUCER: In Boston? No, not really, I…
EDELMAN: Anyway, somebody has been shitting on the trail.
PRODUCER: That’s disgusting.
EDELMAN: It sure is. But what’s worse is that they’ve been picking it up and using it to write graffiti.
EDELMAN: But it’s even worse, because they’ve been using it to write my initials.
EDELMAN: And so what I wanted to make clear to everyone in Boston is that I don’t know who’s doing it. It’s not me. And the only reason I wear those nitrile gloves is because I want to be used to running with gloves on, the same way I do on the field.
PRODUCER: Yeah…okay. But…why nitrile? Why not just your regular catching gloves?
EDELMAN: [glaring at him] Man, what’s with the third degree? I told you I had nothing to do with the pooping, isn’t that good enough for you?
PRODUCER: Uh, sure. But I don’t understand why…
EDELMAN: Man, I can’t believe you even brought this up. What’s next, you gonna ask me about all those contempt charges I got hit with in family court last month?
PRODUCER: Wait, you were…
EDELMAN: See, look at this. I can’t believe you’re sitting there accusing me of that shit.
PRODUCER: I didn’t accuse you of anything. You were the one…
EDELMAN: Goddamn witch hunts, man. That’s my whole life right now. The Fenway Running Club, Judge Mortensen, those eggheads at the NFL’s laboratory facilities…they’re all liars. They’re all just telling lies about me, man, just to get some exposure. Well you made it onto the radio, folks. I hope you’re happy.
PRODUCER: Maybe we should, uh, get to the music. You got a topic?
EDELMAN: I sure do, man. False accusations. In fact, I got the perfect song to get things started with.
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