Hey folks!
Happy Monday evening!
This has potential to be a really strange week.
I’m working Monday and Tuesday, off on Wednesday for the 4th then working Thursday and Friday. Who the fuck schedules a holiday in the middle of the week?
Work will be slow, I think, since the folks who had the fucking foresight either took the 2 days before or the two days after the holiday off.
I however, did not.
Shit!
Here’s some fun 4th of July relevance from a family standpoint. Back during my married years, way the fuck back in time, my wedding anniversary was the 4th of July. My ex and I thought it would be nice to have the anniversary be a day off every year plus, you know, fireworks and shit. It was also really easy to remember the anniversary. Now that I’m a happily single person the day still holds relevance because my youngest granddaughter, littlest right, was born on the 4th of July. She’ll be two this year. So yeah.
Anyway.
NFL News: …
Not a damn thing actually. This is the dead space time of year as we wait for training camps to open.
Can’t wait the 3 plus weeks for training camp action?
Here are the reporting dates and locations for every NFL team.
Just a little over 3 weeks!
Other sports:
MLB: Red Sox at Nationals 4:00 PM Pacific ESPN
Cardinals at Arizona 7:00 PM Pacific MLB Network
Tennis: Wimbledon 1st round action at 4:00 AM Pacific ESPN. Christ that’s awful goddamn early for 1st round action but it’s there if you want it.
Have plans for the 4th?
Enjoyed your Canada Day celebration?
Tell us all about it.
It’s drankin’ time!
Let’s get weird!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTrqmNieVKI
Evening lizard people. Just saw Deadpool 2. Balls, I will agree that it was good, but I would say the first one was better. Maybe it’s just because of the zamboni scene, but DAMMIT I WANT MY FUCKING ZAMBONI.
I concur:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHMER1h4BNU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo2h57KpTSY
From the great cinema; Mamazon,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgIhf4rEPB0
Red week is the best
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZQo_Hn3wNk
America, baby!
(also, I never noticed that the grill and headlights are just painted on . . . how does he get home at night?)
Who wants to do laundry for me?
My sink is empty, so sure.
My roommate at the time, Logan, had watched the wire before me and I remember when logan saw me watching the wire one day and kennard first appeared he was like “you gotta keep your eye on Kennard.” And then he never did anything and I forgot what logan told me until….bam. Then I remembered his words like as that episode finished.
Dude, spoiler alert
The Wire is just like one thing I feel so passionately about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmsT-gzj8tY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmsT-gzj8tY&index=15&list=RDMMbmuk2Es8pF4
With all the taxpayer funding that goes into protecting that little fuckweasel Scott Pruitt, I sort of DEMAND that attempts be regularly made on his life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCsyJ6n7AZo
To quoteish Moose-
I’d like to go hire a bunch of Russians to get accounts and fucking smash that like button!
Viagra is a hell of a drug.
Hells jeah!! I’ve been waiting for a new Tool album for years!!!
PRO-TIP: Falling down a flight of cement stairs will, in fact, be painful, andwill leave bruises.
“Fell down a flight of stairs….”
“I could’ve told you that!” -7-year old Senor on his way to get ready for karate class
If you are going to invade someone’s personal space; don’t do it half way.
The Full Larry Craig
I’ve had that song stuck in my head for the last twenty years.
Nice to see el beisbol is doing flag desecration all week this year!
–GOP
nah, their doing it 2 make rich white ppl even richer so YAY!!!
MAKE BASEBALL GREAT AGAIN!!!
I too, fucked up and did not take the back half of the week off. Shit.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obmLqJvIFBU
Good song. Interesting choice with the Trestman facial hair, though.
Did you hear about when they got spanked?
Well he’s banging Zach Braffs’ ex model girlfriend so he’s probably in DGAF mode. Or else he’s like Sidney Crosby trying to grow a playoff beard.
Would you like the tale where samurai marcus became a Shogun? 8 feet from his father, 5 feet from his brothers, and an ass slap from four of his friends?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68jtMV7soVM
The American Dream is alive and well:
(arriving home after a long, stressful day of work)
Mom: “Redshirt, I cut all the grapes.”
Me: “Where did you cut them?”
Mom: “The base.”
Me: “How are you going to get them down?”
Mom: “I’m going to pull them down.”
Me: “You can’t do that. They’re 15 feet in the air, 20+ feet long and wrapped around Wisteria.”
Mom: “Okay. I just let them sit and die.”
Me: “But you’ll have dry wood in the hot summer. Its a fire hazard.”
Mom: “How should we get it down?”
And that’s how I spent two hours in 90° weather on top a 10 year of pergola cutting dead grapevine without cutting live wisteria or breaking 10 year old sunbeaten lattice 15 feet in the air with only my fat ass keeping me from falling to my death.
You know, skinny people have some things going for them, but the ass really comes in handy more times than it doesn’t.
Hell-oha. It seems I’m a junkie that can’t shake a monkey. As a result, I’m now an Employee Consultant. In Social Work terms, I make employers think why not while making employees think fuck YES! Teaching is a love, but fucking helping others makes me tingle in a way that leads to multiple orgasms for those on the other end.
It’s all fun and games until you can’t get hard without a hand written thank you card
– everyone over 50 in Canadia
“I used to take a tampon, soak it in grain alcohol, and stick it up my rectum. That got me high, Richard, but not half as high as the drug you just gave me. You know what that drug’s called?”
“No.”
“A second chance.”
Sincerity Mode: Nicely done. That’s an excellent mindset.
Smart Ass Mode: So, if I read this right, you help them and then you have sex with them? Nice!
have sex before you help them
That way, they can’t back out of it, and you don’t have to help them, you’re just “obligated.”
they have to want to be helped
I think we just wrote the beginning of a DFO Insider conversation between Rikki and DTZM about a new aspiring actress.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kT8cX2-_7pQ
STILL funny.
because it’s true. Bob Belcher may be the closest teevee approximation there is of me (remember how into pills he is).
You missed the conv; WCS’ family got offended/ pissed when he posted.
Trae Young was 4-20 tonight, which seems promising since the Hawks traded away Doncic for him.
On the other hand, 4-20 means weed.
Oh yeah – I need to go 420.
IF THIS KID WOULD EVER GO TO FUCKING SLEEP
Drugs
Yeah we really got a two birds, one stone(r) situation here.
Thank you, no. I’m straight.
A bedtime story?
We own that book.
Son, bricks are how you make it happen
On the other other hand, 20-4 means Mark Sanchez is suddenly rather interested.
When John Tavares talks, he looks like the segment on Conan where they have someone else’s mouth talking out of a celebrity’s head.
And when Trump talks these days, he sounds like he’s saying a line from that segment on Conan where they have someone else’s mouth talking out of a celebrity’s head.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm5ESizoXZE
I never knew he killed two people.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zxA73KkLcs
When the hell did the Dirt SeaHeaux get good?
They’re frauds. It won’t last.
They’re 26-11 in 1-run games; having a lot of things go right this season.
Steph Curry
Klay Thompson
Draymond Green
Kevin Durant
DeMarcus Cousins
I mean come on.
And Coach Steve Keeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Yeah, but we gotz LEBRON N LONZO!
And Coach LaVar Baaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllll!
“I know, right?” – David Duke
Ah fourth of July…were Americans celebrate their freedom by trigger military vets who struggle with PTSD…
America doesn’t care about the troops.
Now, can we get back to football and Dick jokes?
That’s not true! We boo the black guys who kneel – what more do the fucking ingrate troops want???
Very psyched for the flood of attire featuring Confederate flags and half assed references to the knights Templar that will be on display this week
They don’t even do them on the 4th here because they don’t want to split the crowd with nearby cities. Instead they do a massive 3-night fireworks festival either before or after the 4th complete with carnivals if there were any doubts they actually give a shit.
BOOGIE TO THE FUCKING WARRIORS ON A ONE-YEAR DEAL
LO FUCKING L
No more Javale McGee?
Boogie should do!
Am I the only one that just went to ESPN to see if this was actually true? WTF??
I also had to check.
“I went up to Jackie O, and I wanted to break the ice. So I said, ‘Do you remember where you were when you heard JFK was shot?'” – Gilbert Gottfried
Do you love America as much as this guy? Do you?
But do the same thing as an enhanced interrogation technique and you’re a “war criminal” and “part of the Trump cabinet”…
Hi I’m Buddy Cole and the only way I would have children is if one crawled out of my hamper with Champion socks attached to them.
What I am trying to figure out is how Marc Trestman’s hamper got into your house.
“Coach Trestman’s hamper? Well, shit.”
-Najeh Davenport
Hi, my name is gratliff, and I’m an idiot who got married once. I shit the bed in the first few years of marriage as a 23 year old with anger issues, quick wit, sharp tongue, and zero boundaries. A few years later, I started to get my shit together, and right around the same time, her dad died followed immediately by her grandmother. So, it so came to a pretty abrupt end after that. Then, I fell into the trap of fixing everything she said I needed to fix and checking in periodically to see if we were good again (we were not). Then our only kid got diagnosed with a bunch of psych disorders and we moved downstate together for better access to help for him, and have lived together ever since, in blissful, loveless, hollow coexistence.
You ok dude?
Just keeping with the theme
i’m with you.
Grat good for standing by your kid. You have to take care of you my internet friend. You deserve more.
It’s better than it sounds, mainly because it’s more amusing if misery is implied. It helped going from the divorced dad apartment with a hard budget to a fancy suburb with a cake job and freedom to spend stupidly. It works shockingly well, especially for the boy.
eh, fuck it. There’s money FOAR GAMBLOR!!
She hot?
Alas, she’s turned 30
So…in flashes?
What happened to the quick wit?
YIKES
She took it in the divorce
NOT ALL OF IT MY FRIEND
Screw PowerPoint, this is how you give a presentation:
Sure, but can you follow the lesser footy matches in real-time?
“Next slide.”
[4 teamsters come out and take 15 minutes to change the wall]
“Oh looks like we’re out of time. Who’s up for a 6 martini lunch?”
Ahh the sweet release of divorce. Not currently but 1st Mrs Cola can fuck right off. She lost her foot in a motorcycle accident 2 months after the separation, karma is a bitch.
So you’re saying she was separated from her foot?
Yes. Has 2 kids now, 1 foot. The ass she is still with also has 2 other children. Left his wife while she was pregnant. Nice role model.
Yep. Best decision I ever made was becoming single again.
But then she married Paul McCartney, so…
the first failed lady shogun wanted marriage on 7/11. yeah that worked. “I have to find myself. You should too.” that ended with me in therapy and her finding herself inhaling a guy’s dick. Me and the other wife talked to each other frequently. I think it’s an unspoken freebie for us.
Well that’s what happens when you have a shogun wedding.
she just wanted the stuff by that point. which i think she has mostly. babies were out of conversation. i just proceeded to fall back to manwhore/giggalo status, which worked AMAZINGLY! you been early 30 while the lady is close to 40? GRAB your balls…or don’t. she will. heh…hee…yeah. good.
So I had these coupons that made it possible for me to get $20 worth of food from Carls Jr for only about $10. The only thing is that when I started eating I realized I only really wanted $10 worth of food.
Could you have gotten it for $5?
I could have gotten the chicken tenders meal for $5 but then I’d have been missing out on the Western Cheeseburger buy one get one free.
$20 of Carls Jr? What is that, one of everything on the menu (also known as an “Andy Reid”)?
As compared to the “too much of one thing,” aka the “Andy Reid’s son.”
This is gonna tank your deadlift pr
I see the MLB July 4th unis are being worn on July 2nd. It’s probably for the formal declaration, even though the wording wasn’t finalized until the 4th. Right?
No I think this year the 4th is the handover of the U.S. government to Putin, so they wanted to get to at least wear them one last time.
I recall reading in some book long ago that there is no concrete evidence that anything special actually happenend on the 4th. No signing or writing or voting or debating, yet Adams and Jefferson both insisted later in life that the 4th was the key date. Probably for Masonic reasons, methinks.
Maybe for their death reasons, so they could be symbolic and all.
ALSO skeptical that any of those dudes died on July 4th, it’s just someone’s idea to create some mythos. I’m a deather, it’s like a birther, but for deaths.
I’m something similar; we call ourselves Heathers.
Oh hai Heather!