♫ Set to the music of “The Number of the Beast” from Iron Maiden ♫

GHOST OF JUNIOR SEAU:

Woe to you, oh Span-oiiii,
for the deal you made sends the beast with wrath,

Because he knows the time is nigh…
Let him who hath electric dance moves reckon the sound of the beast

For it is a human sound,
Its beat is… STOMP… STOMP…. and CLAP.

DEAN SPANOS:

I left alone, my mind’s always blank,
No time to think, just get more money from these rubes.

Why aren’t they here?!
I CAN’T BELIEVE, that ticket prices would be so low and not a fan-ta-sy?

Just what I hear, from all my men,
“It’s all San Di-ego’s fault and not reee-al-ity.”

Yet in my dreams, he’s always there!
The evil face of untold rage that brings financial despair!

BOLTMAN:

[UPS THE IRONS] 

OOOOHHHH YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

SPANOS:

The skyline was bright, thought it would solve my mon-ey’s plight,
‘Cause I just had to see, it must be worth renting from Kroenkeeeeeee!

In the smog, no home fans to break or rob,
Was all this for real, or just my own made hell?

STOMP, STOMP CLAP, the sound of the beast,
Why, are so many players, begging for death’s release?

The sun’s light blazed and 3rd down stops aren’t praised,
As away fans start to scream, I must pull off this scheeeee-me!

In the fight, LA’s riches glow-ing bright
I look to the skies, and cannot believe what flies!

STOMP, STOMP CLAP, the sound of the beast
The monnnn-ey fight, is canceled for to-night.

BOLTMAN:

[HEAD BANGS ALONG TO MULTIPLE AIR GUITAR SOLOS]

SPANOS:

This can’t go on, I must inform the League.
Can this still be real? How am I this fatigued?

But I feel drawn back towards the thundering hordes,
Dollar signs mesmerise, I must ignore their cries!

STOMP, STOMP CLAP the sound of the beast,
STOMP, STOMP CLAP the one from S-D.

BOLTMAN:

THEY’LL BE COM-ING BACK!
NO SPANOS WILL RETURN!
BOLTMAN WILL REND YOUR SOUL AND MAKE YOUR BODY BURN!
BOLTMAN HAS THE CHARGE!
BOLTMAN CAN HEAR YOUR DOOM!
BUT IT’S THEIR LOVE OF RICHES THAT WILL LED TO A PENNILESS TOMB!