…The first-ever [DFO] Banner Tournament! Yes, it’s been a long time coming, and now that it’s almost March, it’s finally here.
We went through as many banner comments as we could find from the beginning of the site (thanks, Internet Wayback Archive!), including a brand-new archive of current banners (dating from about May or so). From those, we took 64 comments (the First Four is not a real thing) to have them duke it out to be the best banner comment of all time. OF ALL TIME!
Or at least the best one from the first three years of the site. So how’s it gonna work?
Well, the Smarch (s)madness is going to start, well, March 1st. Because March brackets should be done in March for fuck’s sake, I’m looking at you NCAA tournament ending on April 8th! That madness is no longer in March! It rivals October baseball ending in November for the thing that riles me up the most in sports!
Anyway, over the next four days, we’re going to unveil the bracket region by region—BLEERGH, SHAN’KHOR, BOLTMAN, and GAMBLOR—so you all can get reacquainted with the comments that made us laugh, or cry (with laughter), or go “holy shit that is fucked up” (and laugh). Everyone who had a banner comment in the archive? They get into the dance, just like how every conference is represented—however, the comments themselves will not have authors attributed to them, as they should stand on their own merits at this point. Our selection committee (one person can totally be a committee) has done their best. Those of you who had a banner but it wasn’t archived? Sorry about that, we did the best we can but not every banner got archived because the Internet Wayback Machine only screenshots every so often. If you screencapped it, please send it over and we’ll see if we can add it for next year’s tournament. Those of you who haven’t made the banner yet? Keep at it, I haven’t made it either.
How do comments advance? That’s a good question. The answer is YOU. You get to vote for the comments, and you have say on which comments taste glory or… not, I guess? Every day there’ll be polls on the sidebar, so look out for them. Each day’s polls will only be open for 24 hours (this may change for the later rounds because I need the time to tally and post results) to make way for the next day’s matchups.
So hang tight, and starting tomorrow, we see what’s up!
We’re all going to hell.
And if were a betting man, I would say Buddy is great pick as a dark horse.
This is awesome.
Ah, here comes the RBG yas slay queen bullshit
Just call me Liberty. I’m a team just happy to be there at the #16 seed, yet have other teams (quotes) that didn’t qualify but were significantly better. Timing is everything
Re: the banner comment brackets….
Bethune-Cookman over here.
Hey, at least we beat SC State.
(wait that’s nothing to brag about)
/goes and sits in the corner again
//waits for tournament to start
Touches the hamper?
Clothes in the hamper? Is the Queen coming over?
Y’all got my attention!
– N. DAVENPORT
Cue the music!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jK-NcRmVcw
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Nvxv2R01po&ab_channel=ChrisRiley
I wishest I was a magician.
Goddamn — ‘nam looked pretty crazy.
My father was pretty adamant that it was very overrated, in that he hated every minute he was there.
As someone who has multiple banner posts, I’m going to be biggest snub in the Banner Tournament ever.
Best of luck to the rest of you banner-philes.
If you got one archived, you got at least one in.
afternoon funny:
dont cry over spillt milk – cry over ur mom who drowned in it. how did u manage to spill that much milk, son *looks achingly to heaven* how
I don’t even qualify for the play-in game.
Maybe we can be invited to the NIT bracket
Son of Spam = Duke in this scenario which is excellent.
Sill Bimmons = Penn State Football in this scenario which is excellent.
Then who is Devry? Or that Rhode Island “uni” that advertises during Maury?
“You are NOT a university!”
It would be more like SonOfSpam=the ACC
In that everyone hates me.
No; you, Oregon, UCLA, and USC get all the best cheerleaders.
I got on Platoon. Never seen it before. It’s got a lot of stars.
We lose.
This bowl of pho makes it all worth it.
Lesson; apparently the NVA are the worst markspersons ever.
This bracket will be the most relevance Johnny Manziel has had in a competition since —
Wait, was a there a cocaine use contest this morning?
I haven’t seen much UConn basketball this year and I have to say, they are not good.
Family: “Redshirt! How did you use up all 10 GB of our cellular data on Monday?!”
Reading emails on Mondays.
I know I’m nowhere near funny enough to make the field, so I’ll accept my bid to the CBI now and save everyone the time.
My nearly illegible comment about getting drunk at a bunch of local breweries while trying to get to a hockey game has the potential to be a 12-5 first round upset before getting its clock cleaned in the second round because it’s just happy to be there.
Or it won’t make the cut and will just spend the weekend bitching about getting stuck in the NIT.
Cool!
Chelsea have to sub keepers! Teh drama!!!1111
When it is frustrating enough to get koalas to fight.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JmvBRCnw6yA
This kiddo? One of the smartest, funniest son o bitch’s out there.
/2nd funniest? Gary Gulman is on the same level. Give this a listen-loo!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DEw6YhVOSZg
Let’s hope the action is more lively than the two “marquee” Lesser Footy matches we seen today. BLECH
indeed, good Moose
Stupid sexy duck.
I am not here to judge other’s taste in duck ass.
I have one tiny underdog comment to fight an entire field of titans.
It’s like “Hoosiers.”
For dick jokes.
New life goal: get a comment here bannered
If we recognize our comment, are we allowed to campaign for them?
Yes, of course!
Can I accept a multi-million dollar shoe contract and keep the entire thing while my comment gets nothing but a shoddily made shoe and a sprained knee?
Are you still doing them anonymously so we don’t see that half are Spam from the getgo?
Yes, they’ll all be anonymous. If you can tell who it is it’s from your memories, and there’s nothing I can do about that.
Very much looking forward to this. This will be a trip down memory lane for veterans, good catch-up for newbies, inspiration for all, and a reminder that everyone here must bow down to Spam.
God damn do I love the region names
My Sean Miller quote will be the best banner to never make the Final Four.
Its too bad I wasted my “Is it just me or did the world start going to shit after Mr. Rogers passed away?” comment on another site before DFO was created and long before I stumbled into KSK. Seeing how that got hundreds of likes, that would have easily be a 1 or 2 seed favorite to win the whole thing.
I want to be excited, but I’m an Ohio sports fan, so I know how all March Madnesses turn out.
My comment will get an 8- or 9-seed. Even if I get past the 1st Round, I’ll end up against a powerhouse #1 seed about the Patriots or Goodell and I won’t make it into the Sweet 16.