Request Line: In Good Hands



The PRODUCER is seated at the console, setting things up for the day’s show.  DJ 3000 relaxes nearby. 

DJ 3000: So who’s the guest for today?

PRODUCER: [looks up] Oh, actually it’s quite the get.

DJ 3000: We’re closing out the season in style?

PRODUCER: Very much so.

RECEPTIONIST: [via intercom] Your guest for today is here.

PRODUCER: Wonderful, wonderful.  Send him in.

— [door flies open] —

The PRODUCER looks up from the console as he continues to hit buttons and slide controls into position. 

PRODUCER: Mr. Kraft, welcome, thank you so much for joining us.  I just have a couple adjustments left to make before…

BOB KRAFT: [dreamily watching the PRODUCER work as though hypnotized] My God.  That’s amazing.

PRODUCER: Oh, it’s not as complex as it looks, there’s just a few…

KRAFT: No, no, your hands!  The way your they fly around that console.  Such dexterity!  [gets a faraway look in his eyes] Why, with hands like that you, you could…

PRODUCER: [finishes setting things up and stands]  All set!  If you could just head into the booth…

KRAFT: First, a handshake.

PRODUCER: [uncomfortably] Uh…okay.

The PRODUCER offers his hand for a handshake, and BOB KRAFT grasps it with both of his own hands and holds it firmly.

KRAFT: My goodness.  They feel even more beautiful than they look!


KRAFT: [still holding] Such smooth skin.  And what a grip!

PRODUCER: [starting to squirm slightly] Yes, yes, very nice to meet you.

KRAFT: [still holding] You must do some kind of forearm exercises.

PRODUCER: [looks at DJ 3000 for help, who says nothing but a small red light on his console labeled “laughter” begins flashing silently] Just some occasional tennis.  Listen, why don’t we…

KRAFT: You know, we really could use someone with such…strong hands…working for me.

PRODUCER: No, really, I…

KRAFT: In my organization, I mean.  You see, I make a great many investments, and I often find that my advisers are far to eager to exit our positions prematurely.  They have “weak hands”, as it were.  Now, before we get to the radio show, I do have a bit of a special request.

PRODUCER: Well, we’ll see what we can…

KRAFT: If you could just tickle the ring a little bit?

PRODUCER: [glances down at the Super Bowl LIII ring that KRAFT is sporting, glances back up]

KRAFT: No, not that ring.  [winks]

PRODUCER: [is horrified]

KRAFT: [finally releases the PRODUCER’s hand] Ha ha ha ha!  Just a joke, man.  Relax!

PRODUCER: [audibly sighs with relief]

KRAFT: I wasn’t kidding about having a special request, though.  Do you have some gaffer tape?

PRODUCER: Um…sure.

The PRODUCER opens a drawer in his desk and pulls out a roll.  He hands it to KRAFT, who theatrically stretches out a section with a snap, then turns and places it over the video camera on DJ 3000’s front control panel.

DJ 3000: HEY!

KRAFT: Sorry about that, old sport.  But I’ve learned my lesson, and I would prefer not to have any cameras capturing what’s about to happen in here.  [turns to the PRODUCER] Now.  Are you familiar with the expression “knob turner”…?

Today’s topic is “in good hands”.  We’re looking for songs about hands and the things that hands do, like grabbing things, holding on to things, etc.  I’ll get us started with a DOUBLE SHOT from The Smiths.  This is the last Request Line of the season, so there are no limits today. Have at it!

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Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
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Ah I should have thought of this one






Wish this one didn’t remind me of an ex as much as it does: