Were you not entertained yesterday? I certainly was. We had safeties, plenty of derpage, surprises, comebacks, new stars (if only for one week) and the usual disappointments. All in all, a great bag of tricks. I’ll throw a few cogitations at you. Think of it as an addendum to the much-beloved “Hippo Thoughts”.
Fallout:
-sure glad I didn’t invest in Baker Mayfield. I know he’ll be just fine but his line is going to make things rough for him here and there.
-next week’s Bills/Jizziants game is going to redefine the word ‘uglyball’.
-slam the brakes on this Hollywood Brown guy. He only had 15 snaps all game and the Ravens aren’t going to reverse direction and fling the ball all day all of a sudden. He got a bit lucky. Look for major regression next week.
-Alex Mattison. He’s got major talent and the Vikes would be wise to develop a package of plays for him rather than just use him as a fill-in for Cook.
-I’ve said this to anyone who’d listen and several who didn’t: Calvin Ridley is such enormous value in fantasy. Julio will always get the best cb and safety help to boot. That leaves Calvin on a lesser talent and he flourishes. “But he only had a couple of big games last year, that’s why his TD total is inflated”, you say. I say he scored 10 as a rookie finding his way in the offense and will be even better this year. Matt Ryan trusts him and the Falcons will be throwing all year long. Don’t be afraid to play this guy.
-I predicted that Jordan Howard would be left behind at some point but week 1 was a surprise.
-congrats to those that played Desean! You’ll be paid back next week with 2 catch, 23 yard outing. Such is the nature of that beast.
-Mustache Minshew’s fall back to reality is going to be even more painful than a broken collarbone.
-don’t pull the plug on Damien Williams just yet but it sure doesn’t look promising.
TO THE GAMES!
Texans/Saints:
Houston’s O-line gave up a league-high 62 sackeroos last year. The Tonsil (intentional) trade might make a wee bit of difference but that line play is affecting qb Watson’s development. Them Saints are psyched about a UFDA they found by the name of Deonte Harris, a wee lad that goes 5’6″, 170 and played DII football at Assumption College. He holds the all divisions record for most career return TD’s at 14. You know what they say about players that ball out at Assumption…
Den/Oak:
You know what fans of the Broncos new qb are called? Flaccolytes. (I thunked that up all on my own! I probably read it somewhere and forgot about it ) Most folks slept on rb Lindsay during draft season because of the yapping about Freeman but I don’t buy it at all. I guess we’ll see if the hubbub around te Darren Waller was justified.
Pluck those strings folks!
My Bloody Valentine plays on loop
Hardcore Cure fans are underrepresented in professional sports
Disturbing
Isn’t that the older brother from Prison Break?
Guess who has two thumbs and was told today his position is being ended at the end of the month???
?THIS GUY!!?
start a fire or a series of fires
/sorry dude
That sucks man.
Hope you’re getting a sweet, sweet severance package. Or at the very least they don’t actually expect you to do any work the next couple weeks and let you use company resources for job hunting
No severance was working as a contractor got an email at 7pm saying that they now want a timesheet given to them at the end of every day. So i am actively looking for something… Fuck I may have to deliver Pizzas just to pay the bills and say fuck off with that noise.
Motherfuckers.
Time to go full Peter Gibbons.
Sincerely sorry, bud.
That’s unfortunate.
At least you have your thumbs.
That sucks. You’ll be a’ight. You smrt.
My resume has been friend-zoned so many times “This is a very strong resume unfortunately we don’t have anything that fits your skillset, but you will make the right employer happy one day”
Sorry to hear. Make sure you’re properly hung over when you show up tomorrow.
California did a good. https://archive.is/CHzlT
fucking motherfucker. NEVAR draft a player from Paedo State
Hippo Reacts Reasonably
As one does.
ELITE drop.
Gahhhhhh
watch Donks’ RT be out for the season. It’s absolute bullshit the League lets them play on this shit pitch (or the one in Landover, MD)
Chicago too. I notice a pattern, the places where I live are all places with football surfaces that eat people’s lower extremeties…
Stay away from Yinzburgh. Ketchup Park has enough problems already.
The Raiders should be more XFL and take injured players off the field in a classic ‘59 Cadillac hearse, with the Raiders logo on the doors and hood.
Isn’t Elon Musk into Rockabilly? Make it a Tesla and he could be the next owner.
What time does the game start?
Noon Saturday.
NC State is -7 in Morganhole. There’s NO WAY y’all are THAT bad.
Hippo beat me to it.
I can’t believe the line on that one.
That’s one to lay some dough on the ‘Eers.
(tWBS is now officially in Concussion protocol)
Everyone’s been knowing that for a while.
Ah, man. The first season of Mad Men is so good and so much better than the rest. I guess that kind of figures with most TV series. Like the saying about the first book (or whatever). That one took twenty years to write. The next … doesn’t.
way to concuss yourself for a 15-yard penno, dickass
Concussed his teammate, so it’s actually a friendly-fire scorogamy.
JEEBUS, damned near took his head off (on replay)
I really enjoy the slo-mo replays of a guy getting maimed. Good sport, this.
Did we get more concerned or just older? Or both?
I have the compassion of your average garden hose, so it’s probably just noticing how much getting old sucks (painwise) on a personal, non-gladiator level
Agreed. I’ve hurt myself sleeping. Can’t imagine what these lads will be dealing with if they make it to our age.
my very first neck owie was from sleep
/fist bump
I had one of those last week.
find a gooood neck/ortho doctor, one who PRESCRIBES
I don’t/can’t do pills.
Isn’t that more of a Cardinals play?
They should leave the football markings on the field when it’s being used for baseball
The Vegas stadium should have ceremonial foul lines and a mound cover.
I always loved football games in the fall played on baseball diamonds and this is the last season of that ever. Those super-perfect fields which are mostly fake are over-rated. I want to see more clouds of dust.
Theory: We’re in the darkest timeline 80s rehash, which is why there are suddenly tons of Zima reboots
Trump is a thing. Cocaine is now oxy. Checks out.
White Claw Black Cherry ain’t bad.
Your arms a bit hairier than I expected.
for those wondering, I did drop a quarter on the Donks to win at the half (+440). Because FUCK THE RAIDERS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZNzxFieP0E
Think I’mma just stay up all night, go into work around 6. Get a GREAT parking spot.
Put a piece of cellotape over the optical eye on everyone’s mouse. Watch chaos ensue
THIS Doktor gets it!!
Delightfully evil. I approve
An ex-employee tried this on me once.
ONCE.
That was like watching an elephant fuck a pigeon.
fookin’ pigeon was asking fer it
With enough spit and determination, the elephant fucks the ant.
I see Chuck Pagano’s calling the plays.
MOAR LIEK Chuck Pagano’s cancer smh
this is like watching an elephant try to fuck a bowling ball
I’m betting that’s one of the smaller fetish communities
But extant, of course.
That might be a bridge too far for Balls’s pornhub search experiment.
Dude, you are going to scratch the finish on that car by standing on the hood in your shoes.
Jerry Falwell Jr. Tells Story Of Jesus Getting Revenge On Apostle Who Ratted Out His Corruption Schemes
Sounds legit, Aramaic was a way more ‘street poetic’ language than people give it credit for
Matthew 4:21-23 21Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them, 22and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him. 23Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues, proclaiming the good news of the kingdom, and healing every disease and sickness among the people.
This may be like John Smith and I need a decoder ring or something to get the True Text.
James and John are the canaries.
Vic Fangio has done more in one half to justify Jon Gruden’s salary than Jon Gruden has in two years.
Man, Joe Flacco is absolute dogshit.
“THE NFL IS DOGSHIT” is the Cosmic Being Brain level?
broke, woke, BESPOKE chuh chuh
What do you expect from someone whose name rhymes with ‘pant’?
He’s not welcome in our clubhouse.
Was the previous game an actually watchable, close game as the final score suggests, or was it normal prime time pap?
It went full on bananacakes at the end.
Full bananacakes game. It was far more wild than you can imagine.
Aw man, stupid fun game being all early and stuff. Cake is one of the most palatable ways to eat bananas!
It was certainly a lot more entertaining and competitive than I think anyone here expected, myself included.
I want to go to there.
Same. I just reconstructed it from a saved Instagram I had forgotten about. Apparently it’s Maui.
#MeToo
#TooPoor
just over to the left is where yeah right fell
There Be Dragon Rolls
FYI, the full-size image is 4319×1078, 300 DPI.
HAIL BLEERGH FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW!
Well, at least I can cut Flacco now!
Is Denver going to be a sort of ‘Last Chance Saloon’ for former Superb Owl QBs looking to repeat before retiring?
yeah. We don’t think outside the box too good.
Makes sense they converted to a glue factory.
JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST
Elite Flacco is not leading a comeback.
Mrs. Sharkbait: Who the hell is G-Eazy
Me: He looks like a dollar store Lin Manuel Miranda
Mrs Sharkbait: He looks like a poon.
I should redo this gif, but I just remembered I have it and it seems useful to mock Fitzmagic.
Thanks to our evil NFL overlords for holding a weeknight game that’s still happening when I get home!
FIRST DOWN WOO!!!!
Baby steps!
before u noe it, we be attempting a field goal!
It was worth the effort. Homer Gruden:
starts writing “game over”
I’m gonna regret picking the Donks in a survivor pool aren’t I?
uh…yeah
I would go watch 2nd half at the strip club, but I’m too annoyed to hold a fake conversation.
Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome…
That’s all the words I know but that’s all that matters.
But the breastages.
Better and more economical to just hang out here and have fake conversations with the rest of us.
I know the Raiders are a dumpster fire and all, but damn if I don’t love seeing them playing overtop of an infield. I’m gonna miss that after the move to Vegas.
Motherfucker I’m playing on dirt!
In the Right Tackle’s defense, the pitcher hasn’t been looking his way so it makes sense to extend his lead off from third base.
Rooted in Oakland!
/Seriously that’s the A’s thing
//Dick joke
Jon Gruden has those glasses hanging around his neck because he’s trying to trick everyone into thinking he actually knows how to read.
So much sloppy play. These teams shouldn’t be playing past my bedtime.
That’s Vontaze Burfict? That’s the guy I’ve been cheering and defending for the past seven years?
I deserve all those playoff losses.
I had to see this, so now you have to as well
Classy.
This shirt kicks so much ass. I love it.
NEDM
The Fall 2019 Mullen collection has dropped?
Gruden with the fucking reading glasses around his neck. Hilarious.
DJ TAJ briefly lost his faith in his lord and savior Breesus Christ, nothing a beer, shot and bowl couldn’t restore.
A successful opening day.
Apart from the whole falling on my face on a sidewalk thing.
Much success!
Vape gets in your eyes?
Now that you mention it.
I am a genius.
If you shop at touchofmodern.com, you’re probably drinking a White Claw.
oh yeah, tackle hurt on that trash heap field. FUCKING GREAT
BLEERGH is pleased with this game’s offerings.
“flacco was swallowed up.”
Play by play on Joe’s honeymoon night.
Ooh, I dunno. That sounds, uh, a little too kinky and risqué for a man like Flacco, after all…
He is the quintessential “missionary for exactly 3 minutes and 42 seconds with the lights off” dude. NO ONE DENIES THIS
3 minutes and 42 seconds? What is he, a marathon runner?
more like Roger Bannister
John Cage he isn’t.
John Cage’s 4’33” is the only song on Joe Flacco’s sex playlist.
Brett Favre is dying of envy
missionary without eye contact or GTFO!!
I wish I was temporarily not single, just so I could yell I got my Chubb on honey, let’s go!
You can message that to Riley Reed. Not sure if that will help though.
I’m sure she’ll be drowning in her panties from my suave MOVES