- Lesser Footy – Now MOAR Than EVAR – May 30, 2020
- Lesser Footy May Day – How Many tWBS’s Shall There Be? – May 23, 2020
- Most Glorious Return and Regerts FOAR 2028-29 – May 2, 2020
When your team is kinda (ok, close to very) shitty, it’s always nice to get a home win right before the bye. You don’t have to fume for two weeks, and can squint and sort of see a plan coming together.
Plus, you know. I don’t want a horse’s head in my bed for lacking faith in Don Fangio and his Spicy Meatball assistants. You need MOAR depressing horse material? The final Bojack season (which I am loving in anticipation for the yuuuuuuggggge downer at the end – that’s me saying it’s inevitable, not me spoiling it) is up on Netflix. DO IT!! And remember, down the street, not across the tracks. Nobody likes an attention whore.
Yes, back to football. Mister Elite learned that it is very hard to be a statue-like quartered back when both your tackles might as well be dummies (or even just really unattractive fuck dolls). Well, at least hard to do so effectively, and without getting all fucked up. For all we know, Week 8 might have been the last snap Flacco ever takes. I can attest to when one’s neck is fucked up, it pretty much STAYS that way. You just have to manage it. Importantly, my work and daily activities don’t involve large men and physical trauma. And I still barely gets by.
Week 9 brought us Brandon Allen, who had never taken a regular season snap. He is now 1-0 as a professional, because #ThePauls are just that bad. And because his feet aren’t made of lead set in quicksand. Mixed metaphors, huzzah!
But wait, didn’t y’all draft a QB? We did indeed, and Drew Lock has been on IR all season. He is now eligible to return from same, but has not. He seems to be having some “read between the lines” troubles picking up the offense, not to mention the fact that he played exclusively out of the shotgun at the JV level (in a variety of bullshit, non-pro-style offenses). John Elway has a type (big, dumb guys who ooze physical traits as opposed to football skill), and that should get him fired. I can only think of one really successful NFL quartered back who was stupid. And Drew Lock ain’t likely to be the next Dan Marino.
Allen’s win got Denver to 3-6, which – despite losing three times in agonizing fashion (leading at the 2-minute warning in each) – is probably about a fair reflection of the roster. Elway doesn’t like the phrase “rebuilding” – but draft pick accumulation is in full force. Getting a 3 for He-mannuel Sanders was good for all parties involved (go Fightin’ Tomsulas!). Derek Wolfe and Chris Harris, Jr. stayed around. This might not be great business, but the defense as a whole looks pretty good. Especially in light of losing Bradley Chubb in Week 2. Fangio has brought in lots of raw, hungry defensive players who are fighting to show they deserve a shot in 2020 and beyond. That’s exactly what he should be doing.
The running back duo of Phillip Lindsay and Royce Freeman is at least above average. Courtland Sutton is an absolute revelation at WR. and could be a Pro Bowl type for years to come. Noah Fant even broke his duck in Week 9, after a first-half series of dropsies and other unfortunate WOMP WOMP moments. TE is indeed a very hard position for an NFL rookie to play, and perhaps I judged him too harshly.
On the other hand, the jury is 100% NOT OUT on Garret Bolles. The reach 1st round pick is officially a bust, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he washes out of the league and is non-tendered this offseason. Just hot fucking garbage. 2020 is a good tackle class, and the Donks need two of ’em. Shit, I wouldn’t be unhappy with every single pick in Rounds 1-3 going to OL and DL (unless there is great value at ILB and/or CB).
Yes, that means we still will have no idea whether we still need a QB. And Hippo likes Jordan Love (Team Secular Big Love State) and Jake Fromm (Georgia). But I have no expectation of getting either, even if Elway moves on from Lock (which would mean the #2 pick in 2019 was a total waste, as he was ALWAYS a long-term project type). Justin Herbert is REALLY TALL after all, and Elway has certainly heard of him. SIGH.
Realistically, Donks fans simply have to wait it out, until the ownership transition kerfuffle settles. It would take a near-miracle for any real progress to happen before such. So…watch out for us in 2022! Until then, we have some likeable players to watch, albeit with reduced expectations. Not the end of the world.