Dontcha love ready-made excuses? I myself have used, “The water was really cold”, “Uh, sorry. I guess I drank too much”, “The dog ate my computer”, “It was like that when I got here”, “I didn’t know where the plunger was” and many, many others. Hey, let’s take a wander over to…
Fallout:
-After tossing the oblong thingy for 444 yards yesterday, certain squawkers are making the case that DAK! is an MVP candidate. These ramblings are almost exclusively located in the Dallas/Fort Worth area.
-Truth Biscuit has been diagnosed as having a hip pointer but that prolonged talk Nagy had with him on the sideline reeks of, “You’re sucking really hard right now so I’m going to pull you because we might do better with a career backup. Please try not to suck this hard next time you’re under center”. Hey, speaking of speculation and hips…
-According to sports news snippets all over the internet, Tua had successful surgery on his…you know. (has anyone ever had an unsuccessful surgery, ever? I mean aside from Meg Ryan) Those in the speculating game have tossed out their obligatory “HOW DOES THIS AFFECT THE DRAFT SIX MONTHS FROM NOW?”
-Is there a crack in the armour? The Pats run game is a shambles, the tight end spot is a wasteland and Brady’s passer rating under pressure is a miserable 48.5. Much like those footballs back then, Dreamboat must feel deflated when he contemplates those numbers.
-That Falcons D that was as easy to score on as your mom after three beers? They’ve been replaced by a solid unit (a preference of your mom’s, btw) that has surrendered a mere 12 points in the last two games. Huh.
TO THE GAME!
Chiefs/Chargers:
The Chargers are the ‘home’ team here in the same way that L.A. is their ‘home’ in that it is such in name only. They practiced up at the Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs to get ready for this game. You can pretty much count on Rivers float-ceptioning a few this evening because he is who he is. A wise OC would give rb Gordon the rock 25+ times against K.C.’s 31st-ranked run D. That would slow down the game and give ex-San Diego its only real chance at a W.
What are your tried and true excuses?
FAT GUY-CEPTION!
The littlest float
I dont know guys but I believe him
https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/18/opinions/prince-andrew-bbc-interview-disaster-maltby/index.html
Should’ve went with the Pete Townshend defense.
“Can’t Explain”?
No, “I am a woman”
Jesus, these poor guys are already sucking wind like it’s late 4th q
Move the Chargers to Mexico City
Ciudad de Mexico Kidnapped Gringos
They can be the whole country’s team. Estados Unidos de Mexico Beheaded Drug Mules.
That will be the Redacteds replacamente
A SPANISH!!
Oo, a video game text generation. Might get a lot of use out of this one.
http://deathgenerator.com
Ekeler dead?
/also, fuck off laserface. Pope was getting blown up if he caught that pass. showing him up like that is why(I’d imagine) no one in the locker room likes you.
thus the white smoke for new Pope
This just in, Miles Garrett to be sacrificed at halftime in authentic Aztec ceremony. His beating heart will be sliced up and eaten by the Steelers organization.
Like anyone from Pittsburgh would eat anything without fat or grease.
Maybe we can smother it in french fries, pitch it as a limited edition Permani?
Should’ve made Tyreek go out and cut a switch before working his backside
Mexico City is at 7700 feet? No wonder there’s so much [REDACTED UNTIL THE WALL IS BUILT] going on.
No not Hill! It’s always the good guys.
Can’t they find any of the magic spray soccer players use?
you want to give a NFL player Spanish fly? Bad idea
inorite??
Hill. Ded.
#DeportColquitt
Mahomes just dicking around, lulling the Shitty Clippers into a false sense of confidence before he eviscerates them?
Personally I can’t wait until the NFL expanded to China. Those will be some fun games.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinese_checkers
Sexy Rexy Approves of that last Mahomes pass
If look close, hidden behind the Kansas City bench is a helmet full of queso that Andy Reid has been drinking from, like horse that’s just crossed a dusty, dry trail
[generic mariachi music plays as the game goes to commercial]
“That oughta make ‘those people’ happy.”
-The NFL
Mexican P.A.: “Para honrar al Presidente Trump, se construirá un muro en la línea de 50 yardas para evitar que ambos equipos invadan el territorio del otro equipo.”
Bello
Refs not even repeating their announcements in Spanish smh low effort by them.
If Trump didn’t have his massive stroke I’m sure he’d congratulate the winner for the biggest American victory in Mexico since the alamo
Does Boltman strike fear into Mexicans or does he pale in comparison to bloodthirsty cartel murder gangs?
BOLTMAN! is the modern incarnation of an Aztec war god
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD
SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE
found a funny:
watching porn but then you notice a scar on her forearm. you start to wonder how she got it. maybe a burn. you imagine her entire life. the town she grew up in. you aren’t even horny anymore. just entangled in this notion of capitalist alter-egos vs true selves. you cum anyway.
#ChecksOut
Maybe she fell in the 87 lesbian double headed dildo gang bang? It could happen.
Just don’t ever google anything about porn or other adult stars that isn’t porn because nothing good comes from knowing about their lives.
finally got around to watching the new season of Bojack Horseman on Netflix.
It’s good. Would recommend!
Can’t wait for the last 8 episodes in January, though wish they’d get here for Christmas Depression Season
Chargers had to go mile high with pollution to play a home game in a decent venue.
I’m hoping for some snarky banners and signs about Trump and his fucking wall. Viva Mexico!
same here!
Unfortunately, he’ll not see them since this game isn’t being broadcast on FOX News.
Evenin. At the meet and greet for the wedding and as a bridesman I think I got too friendly with blender drinks and the buffet today. There is no way I am fitting into my dress.
You look good in peach.
Take a swing at the best man.
I’m not sure why natural selection & vaccines have conspired to only give me the diarrhea portion of the flu, but here we are.
almost wish Joe Buck was on this game so we could here some Big Peggy Hill energy comments
Let the Laser and Bags of Piss Bowl Begin!
this game also sponsored by Hideo Kojima?
Andy is fan of Anna Barbacoa tacos
The Mexican anthem goes on forever.
Viva La Raza!
They’re trying to make sure Trump isn’t watching.
surprised the NFL didnt somehow work out an Air Force Flyover
Or at least some cocaine-filled Cessna’s, since they’re flying north anyways.
The remaining Reid boy has that taken care of.
Trump didnt show up for the game?
He’s sending a SEAL team to rob the cashbox at the stadium’s ticket booth, to help pay for WALL.
Evening, fellow degenerates!
Will we see BOLTMAN’S Mexican non-union equivalent tonight?
Democrats: “We think Trump lied to Mueller.”
Republicans: “You guys just want an excuse to throw him out of office. He only said he didn’t recall.”
Democrats: “He didn’t recall his name?”
The question was “Is this your handwriting”
Buenas Noches
“I’ll take some nachos!”
-A. Reid
“I loved ‘Nacho Libre’!”
— T. Green
You know how I know all MVP awards, in every sport, are complete and utter bullshit? Because the award isn’t even fucking defined! “Most Valuable” is just left up for interpretation by the lard-ass media members who’ve appointed themselves as the arbiters of glory. Surprised none of them have weighted performance by salary cap-hit, to really highlight who’s “most valuable” to their team.
Also Mike Trout should be disqualified, like playing Meta Knight in Brawl.
I’m just super proud of this one.
Dak is an MVP candidate. Just like Hillary Clinton was a candidate for President.
But ALL teh cool kids are shitting on their rooftops!!
Me: “Boy, that episode of The Crown ended sad. I’m going to watch one more so I don’t end on a Downer Ending.”
Narrator: “Redshirt regretted watching that one more episode.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aberfan_disaster
No, honey, I was out cheating on you. I wasn’t at Carl’s Jr. enjoying their sweet delicious burgers without you. I swear!
Checks out.
“It was you.”
When I was a brain surgeon I always made sure successful operations got a lot of press and my picture in the paper. If I fucked up, I liked to credit it to “God’s will” and suggest forming a prayer circle. “He’s in a better place now, with Jesus” I liked to say, then I made sure they buried the evidence quickly. Cremation was even better.
“Great story-telling as always but there was just a little something missing. I give it 7.5/10. If only Mr. Meathook had worked in his go-to ‘Kiss My Ass’ line, it would have been perfect.”
-Rotten Tomatoes
Kiss my ass.
I’ll be right up front. I did not see that coming.
Not up front. The ass is in the rear. That’s a whole different part of the anatomy.
Fronk-please tell me you didn’t play Ajayi yesterday.
Oh no…
I had no one else to use and didn’t want to drop him in case they DO eventually work him in. Seems strange to sign him unless Howard is more hurt than they’re letting on. But oh man did I get slaughtered yesterday.
Brocky played him against me in DFO-ball as well. Like Brick Meathook noted above – Lawd’s will, cockwallet!!