So, you have a favorite Thanksgiving food. Pretty sure most of us do. But, there is tradition behind this. What is that tradition? I don’t know. I assume the tradition goes back to when the white man was too dumb to plan for snowy weather. The native people looked at them dumbasses and shook their head.
“Here, you are probably going to need to eat something, morons.”
Let us rank our favorite Thanksgiving foods. By “us”, I mean me.
11. Turkey: It sucks. It’s dry. Even when it’s good, it’s not really that good until you smother it with a sauce of some sort.
10. Vegetables: Don’t serve these. Don’t. Unless it’s corn on the cob, and that is out of season. Still better than turkey.
9. Homemade mashed potatoes: If only people were smart enough to realize KFC’s mashed potatoes are much better than anything you can make at home. Once people realize this, I’m sure they will slap themselves in the forehead, chuckle, and say, “Why have I been making my own all these years?”.
8. Cranberry sauce: I make mine from scratch. I also buy the can, because the shape is important. Not sure why, but it just feels right.
7. Ham: Put some cranberry sauce on it.
6. Sweet potatoes: I eat them plain. Some people like butter and other things to mask the flavor. If you have to mask the flavor, a food is not good.
5. Stuffing: Any reason some idiot needs to put celery and onion into your food to ruin it. Why not just use onion powder to not get that nasty onion texture?
4. Gravy: It’s the only thing that makes most of these items tolerable. Buy it in a jar. It’s better from a jar.
3. Dinner rolls with butter: Now we are getting to the good stuff. Hawaiian rolls work out wonderfully here.
2. Sweet potato pie: Not as good as pumpkin pie, but it’s still pie.
1. Pumpkin pie: The apex of all fall foods. Ever wonder why they try to make everything pumpkin spice flavored? It’s because of pumpkin pie. Eat it, you damn slob.
Let’s talk about the Saints-Falcons for a second.
The Saints. Drew’s team. Imagine being old enough to have prostrate problems and being the hero of a city that rebuilds to get buried under water every few years from a storm. That’s the fate of this team. They will get close to being great again, then get screwed by the gods, specifically the ones dressed as zebras.
And those zebras are just as boring as this song.
Michael Thomas is a legit MVP candidate. Averaging 113 yards per game, that is insane. On course to have 1,600+ yards for the year. If it weren’t for a certain QB in Baltimore, anyway.
The run game is just okay this year. Kamara’s production isn’t what it was. I’d blame this on Ingram leaving, but he was gone most of the year last year when Kamara was the most deadly weapon on this team.
No matter, the team as a whole has put together a great season thus far.
The Falcons are a disappointment… again. At 3-8 going into this contest, you would think this is going to be a cake walk. Nope. The Falcons love to play the Taints. The last game they played against each other was an upset by the Falcons with the Taints favored by 11.5. And that’s why I can’t predict this game with the Taints are favored by 6.5. That’s not a big enough gap for me when it comes to these two teams.
I’m ending on that note. Enjoy the pie.