Your “If It Looks And Acts Like A Turkey…” Thanksgiving Day Football Open Thread

Welcome one and all to our annual Thanksgiving Day Open Threadganza! If you’ll just look under your seats you’ll find a little treat we placed there. (and no, we didn’t place a security camera in the room while we were there, you silly billy! How could we profit from endless hours of you scratching your butt?) You can type here as you pretend to look at real estate listings on the other side of the damn country, away from your incessant naggin! I’ll never be like Spencer because I’M NOT SPENCER! Will your mother ever understand? Or you could feign looking up foster homes in the area-maybe that’ll give the kids some pause for thought before they inevitably end up breaking something else. Don’t for a second think you don’t have options.

TO THE GAME!

Bears/Lions:

I’m not sure this is a game intro or a pre-obituary for ex-Purdue qb David Blough. He’s the rook qb that is taking his first NFL snaps today versus a Bears D that has a habit of burying his kind. But I’m sure Coach Mangy has him well prepared what with the two walk throughs he was given with the first team earlier this week. The good news is that he has a very good chance of not being the worst qb on the field today because there is a TruthBiscuit out there somewhere. Both these squadoos have tons of injuries so the quality of play might not be up to the usual standard (heh!) we’ve become accustomed to on this most holy of footballing days.

Speak to us of what is in your oven, on your table/agenda. We Must Know!

Please Login to comment
92 Comment threads
93 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
31 Comment authors
ArmedandHammeredscotchnautKing HippoPetronelWCS Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

So, as I am cooking, I listened to the game on the NFL radio station. They made it sound like both QBs are fantastic at their job. Can’t trust any media anymore.

King Hippo

COCKLICKER BLOUGH, I’MMA WEAR MY INDIANA U SWEATSHIRT REST OF THE DAY.

WCS

How often does Matt Patricia shower? Every six weeks? Months?

King Hippo

What’s a shower? That when the trainer comes over with a rag on a stick? – Matt P., Pontiac, MI

King Hippo

FUCK YOUR MOTHER, AMENDOLA

Petronel

*Grumble grumble mutter*

– Bill B., Foxboro, MA

King Hippo

HOPE RESTORED WOO!!!

King Hippo

Hippo feels all like:

King Hippo

come on, you liquid shits

King Hippo

Qarabag match is putting me to sleep.

litre_cola

Isn’t that a new sleeping pill from Bayer Pharmaceuticals?

King Hippo

Do not use Qarabag if you are pregnant, or may become pregnant.

King Hippo

CHALLENGE YOU DUMB FAT FUCK!!

King Hippo

goddamned Cuck Lioun defense

litre_cola

I ain’t gunna cover

King Hippo

yup, we both loses

litre_cola

field goal then ot is the only way.

litre_cola

Trubisky is awful. Hope he is alright but gimme some Chase Daniel!

King Hippo

can’t be concussed with no brain ,, ppl forget that!

Col. Duke LaCross

Bollo ded?

bk109
bk109

Unfortunately, not yet… I wonder, what is the Cuntler doing next week… perhaps he’s open to Don’t Care y’all into the playoffs?

bk109
bk109

Yeah right, give your wife an exercise bike for an’ the only fucking thing you’ll get is an endless barrage of “Wait? Are you saying I’m fat or something?! PREPARE TO DIE!”

King Hippo

Clinton-Dix coming too soon, heard that before.

bk109
bk109

here’s an eveeel thought to ruin your day – there are people on this site, perhaps even right now, that weren’t even ALIVE for the Oral Office incidents 😀

BC Dick

Or when Bill killed a guy.

King Hippo

AWFSIDE WOO!!!

King Hippo

QB draw would be soooooo open here

King Hippo

DO NAE FORGET! Shitty Wolves and FedEx hoopsball, 4p on ESPN2. At…

/u noe we likes it rawwwwww

Dunstan
Dunstan

Happy Thanksgiving fellow degenerates.

litre_cola

I don’t have a gambling problem, a certain King around here maybe.

bk109
bk109

He doesn’t have a gamblin’ problem, he just loves to bet on the goddamn Bulgarian B-league 😀

litre_cola

той винаги печели

King Hippo

Montana! They’s teh tits

King Hippo

Also, pills and GAMBLOR ain’t problems – they is reasons to live!

King Hippo

c’mon, Fox. It’s African-American Friday PLEAZ

bk109
bk109

So, Hippo ol’ boy, are you prepared to watch the Gooners perform a Viking funeral for Emery on the field and shitcan the ashes of his career via a cannon?

King Hippo

My body is indeed ready. And I wonder if Everton snaps him up. Are y’all going with Arteta? I assume he’s told the Toffees no already. 🙁

bk109
bk109

The name I keep hearing most is Nuno Pinto (nee Wolverhampton), but I’m personally rooting for Arteta or even Bergkamp (especially if we figured out a way to reliably put him under general anaesthesia for away games in Europe)

King Hippo

The Athletic says Arteta was runner-up in the last search. Nuno would also be a good move, but I see him chafing at having less control than he has at Wolves.

bk109
bk109

Yeah, he’s already playing in Europe, has lower expectations working against him and hell, where things stand he’s outplaying expectations HARD, so he has the fans and job security on his side…. Honestly, I’d love to see Poch come here, but even if he’s already in North London, I doubt that he’ll risk crossing the DMZ into the GOOD part of North London 😀

King Hippo

I read he has a non-compete in PL for rest of season.

bk109
bk109

Ah, but that’s the key – “non-compete” … we don’t compete at Arsenal – neither in the PL nor in Europe, so he’s still good 😀

entropy

Well all it took to get the banner joke was to let 9/11 stew for 18 years and the Jets to do something competent. How about that?

Happy Thanksgiving all!

King Hippo

Holy cats, NEVAR thought I would live long enough to hear the likes of Troy and Joe discuss YPA.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Yugoslav People’s Army?
comment image

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Glass Field airport in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan?
comment image

King Hippo

unfortunamente, this result (Draw) puts both through, so no real urgency to get a winner

litre_cola

Oh Bolo, that was a bad read.

King Hippo

What’s a read? – Bollo del V., Chi****, IL

King Hippo

will never not chuckle at HOEDING! Bless you, Sassy Ref

King Hippo

what a GOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLL 3 y 3

litre_cola

Crazy. In these conditions it is amazing how precise that was.

King Hippo

Univision Deportes has all teh bananacakes

Beerguyrob

I figure in a city with such a deep musical history, FOX decided to go with the halftime show the kickers would enjoy.

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

When I think country, I think Detroit.

King Hippo

Kid Rock probably recknos hisself “Outlaw Country”

/instead, he’s just a cunt

bk109
bk109

comment image

King Hippo

#DreamGirl

bk109
bk109

A heiress to a billion dollar fortune with a dangerously unhinged psysche, surpassed only by her love for kinky, dangerous sex? …Mine and the wife’s dream girl too 😀

bk109
bk109

I’m starting to think that reading Hippo’s thoughts with the kids around me is a bad idea, ’cause I distinctly heard one of the daughters grousing that the Cuck Lions are destroying the Bearistocrats XD

King Hippo

#RaisingHerRite

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Man, these guy’s road crew really sucks.

Petronel

Uh, kids, no point in holding your phones up like lighters when the lights are all the way on.

/mah lawn, gerroff it

King Hippo

GOOOOOOOLLLLLLL de Braga! 2-3

litre_cola

Are they playing in a pasture? That field is awful

King Hippo

It’s been raining buckets

bk109
bk109

By the way, is anyone else “like totally” “shocked” and “surprised”, that from the “marquee” names that left Deadspin, only Drew is actually back to being paid to write dick jokes and NFL musings? 😀

BC Dick

Not at all. I wasn’t a regular reader of that site but I did read his stuff if any usually and his is the only name I know.

King Hippo

the rest mostly wrote NBA and pissed and moaned about Most Glorious el beibol Cardinals

bk109
bk109

Yeah, I could’ve phrased it a bit better … I meant that it’s funny how basically the only guy that actually was a draw to the site is the only one that appears to be gainfully employed right now, with the rest (as per Megan Greenwell’s “roster” of “stars o’ Deadspin”) slowly realizing that Twitter famous doesn’t mean shit 😀

King Hippo

Drew has written actual books (that are quite good), too.

bk109
bk109

Yep (I’ve got The Hike from him), which is why I was kinda annoyed by the staleness of his writing as I know he can be so much better , but even at his laziest and phoned in, he was light-years ahead of the next best in Deadspin. Honestly, I still believe that if he’d ignored the mouthbreathers on Twitter about joining the lemming rush outta there, Deadspin would’ve emerged basically intact (or perhaps even improved) XD

King Hippo

I liked Post-Mortal even better

BaldingSpiritually
BaldingSpiritually

Dom landed at NY Daily News and another, who’s name I can’t remember, just started at The Score.

King Hippo

God, Bollo es stupido.

bk109
bk109

Happy “Thank God the Natives Had Poor Immune Systems And No Guns” Day, lads and lasses!

hippofant
hippofant

If they’d had guns, they would have wiped the floor with the colonists. They fricking walked to North America. Europeans took a 20 000 year break and then they got on boats. Soft.

bk109
bk109

Actually I was referring to the part of them actually dying off before the europeans came in (any sort of ) strength. In fact, according to some books I read, over 90% of the natives had the basic human decency of first planting crops and then dying XD

BC Dick

If by break you mean relentlessly honing their war skills against each other. There was no chance. Unfortunately. The numbers would’ve eventually overwhelmed any resistance. They had it so good, too. I think about the landscape with no roads or cars or boats or houses or goddamned prairie tourists and it seems like a beautiful existence. You might die at 35 from a broken leg but you’d live so much more life. Free and clear, canoeing and hunting and living just to keep living, not working for a comfortable death.

TheRevanchist

This is a better game than I had hoped for. I wanted the COMPLETE dumpster fire, not this half-assed playing okay.

King Hippo

Bearistocrats! will have to throw now. Expect hilarity.

TheRevanchist

Trubisky never a fails to fail.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Hey, how are my Bears doing? What? What do they think this is, the woods?

BC Dick

Dad jokes on thanksgiving. The best kind.

BC Dick

I might be a bit behind in the game but is Trubisky throwing a knuckleball? It’s like he’s throwing it longways. Also, love seeing Barry Sanders run. Man that guy embarrassed a lot of people. I wish I could’ve outrun or juked someone. Just once. It looks so fun.

hippofant
hippofant

They should just show Barry Sanders highlights for two hours instead of this game.

TheRevanchist

I could watch his highlights all day long.

hippofant
hippofant

BUT THEN YOU’D MISS THE COWBOYS AND WHOEVER THE HELL THEY’RE PLAYING I DUNNO WHO CARES WE’RE ALL STRAPPED IN TO THIS TORTURE CHAIR ANYWAYS

litre_cola

Bleergh be praised. Tithings all over.

King Hippo

I cover bet Chi**** for $26 at +214. Now I can relax!

hippofant
hippofant

Pass interference on both player, wtf?

Senor Weaselo

All praises to BLEERGH!