The miles sure have piled up these last few days. Like that old saying goes, I just had to get out of Dodge. A close approximation of my face was plastered everywhere and it was just a matter of time. So I paid two extra months of rent up front so that my absence wouldn’t be noticed, packed up and jumped in the car. I drove and drove, through Sudbury, through North Bay, through Toronto, towards Montreal. It was there that I ditched the car and bought an old beater for cash. I thought I could stay there for a while but I’m not good with the language and didn’t figure I needed to stand out in any way.

So I doubled back to The Big Smoke. The irony of having to live in a car these past few weeks has not been lost on me. Hell, sometimes it makes me chuckle a bit. But most times it just gets me to thinking, ‘how can I take advantage of this circumstance?’

I started cruising parking lots-grocery stores, large office buildings, arenas-anywhere someone in a similar position as myself would want to park for as long as they could before getting hassled by security or city staff or the cops. I remembered reading about communities of RV’ers hanging out in Walmart lots but after looking around it seemed as though that was a summer thing.

As a last resort I started looking at the beaches that run off the Gardiner Expressway. Sunnyside was no good and Hanlan’s Point didn’t have much of a parking lot but Cherry Beach was just what the doctor ordered. A memory came back to me… There was a song by the title of ‘Cherry Beach Express’-I can’t remember the band that sang it but I remember it was about how local law enforcement officials would take all kinds of folks down there and beat the living shit out of them. If you were on that ‘ride’, you were coming out the other side with some serious injuries. It was just common knowledge back in the day.

Today I see two beat-up vans and an old Ford Taurus. A recent snowfall tells me that they’ve been here for a few days. It’s time to park/hunker down.

I went through the routine-getting out and peeing in the nearby woods, taking walks during the day, carrying groceries back to the car, briefly nodding at the others that were living out of their vehicle if they happened to see me.

Dolph was the first guy to talk to me and unfortunately for him his course was set. One day I said I found a coupon for a large pepperoni pizza and did he want to share? We both knew the answer.

-So Dolph, your parents Swedish? Is that why you got the name?

-Nah, they’re… Well, not sure what they are-just never came up. They just loved Dolph Lungren, he’s an actor. Ever heard of him?

-Yeah sure, they were huge fans of Rocky IV, of course. “I will destroy you” and all that.

-Nope. Well, I’m sure they saw it but they fucking loved Universal Soldier.

I nearly choked on my slice.

-Are you fucking kidding me?! I can’t… I… Seriously?

He was laughing in a sheepish way and looked up at me.

-I learned later on that some of the bedtime stories they told me were lifted from the movie.

-You are killing me!

-You must be an extra in the movie then.

I could have sworn that the van was shaking with our laughter. I bent over, hands on my knees, just like Dolph. I gathered myself. It was time. A few seconds passed. It was still time. I threw a left cross at him that hit him flush in the jaw. His head twisted round and I knew he was out. Like so many times before-and hopefully many times in the future-my knife found paydirt just below his Adam’s Apple.

Thanks for the belly laugh, Dolph. It’s been quite some time since I laughed that hard.

TO THE GAME!

Seahawks/Rams:

We fantasy goobers talk about fading guys all the time but qb Goff has been fading wr Kupp in favor of Woods recently. Kupp’s targets are 10 less than Woods’ these last four weeks. Interestingly, Woods is one of only 3 players that has been thrown to 13 times in three games this season. When that happens he averages 135 ypg. Qb Wilson started out with a gaudy 22/1 TD/Int. ratio but his last three games have gone 4/3. You get the feeling he’ll turn it around but this might not be the spot.

Do that thing where you type a whole bunch.