Good morning everyone! Today is the first day this fall without any college football! No, Army-Navy doesn’t count as football. It’s on par with Russian military parades and North Korean Dear Leader rallies as far as the propaganda machine goes.
So, I am completely ignoring it and focusing on the really important thing that happened this week: The Champions League Group Stage was completed!
***
Champions League Group Stage Results
Last August, we created a post talking about the draw for the Group Stage of the Champions League. I predicted which teams would come out of each group and Litre_cola chipped in with his thoughts and prognostications.
There was even a chinese knock-off jersey bet in place!
Here is what we said last time:
Group A – PSG, Real Madrid, Club Brugge, Galatasaray
Balls: I’m thinking PSG and Madrid go through, but I really hope that Galatasaray wins all their home games and can pose a threat on the road to those two front-runners.
Litre: I hope PSG kicks the shit out of Madrid and that Gala goes through. Mi mamá me hizo guapo, listo y anti-madridista.
Actual Results: PSG and Real Madrid easily passed on to the knockout rounds. Sadly, Galatasaray couldn’t even beat Brugge in Turkey and went winless at home.
Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks, Litre: 1 correct pick
Group B – Bayern München, Tottenham Hotspur, Olympiacos, Crvena Zvezda
Balls: I’m thinking Bayern and Tottenham go through, but I really hope that the Red Star team pulls at least one upset.
Litre: Bayern and Tottenham will indeed go through. Spurs lost their soul moving in to their new digs. I predict a total of 4 murders at the 3 home games for Red Star. North London hooligans will definitely travel to Belgrade and there will be battles. With Ryanair, and easyjet it is simple to fly to Eastern Europe for a few pence.
Actual Results: Bayern and Tottenham easily passed on to the next round. No upset for Red Star as they lost heavily to both Bayern and Tottenham. I could not get an accurate count on the murders.
Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks (4 total), Litre: 2 correct picks (3 total)
Group C – Manchester City, Shakhtar Donetsk, Dinamo, Atalanta
Balls: There are two big questions for this group: 1) Who will finish second behind City? and 2) Will the Donetsk-Dinamo matches be violence-free?
The answers are: 1) Donetsk and 2) No.
Litre: I will bet you a chinese jersey from either team that it will be Dinamo.
Balls: You are ON, good sir! Winner’s choice.
Actual Results: This one went down to the final Match Day. With Manchester City already qualified at the top of the group, Dinamo needed to beat City while Donetsk failed to beat Atalanta at home. It turned out that neither Litre nor I will have to buy anyone anything. Somehow, Donetsk lost at home to Atalanta while Dinamo was, expectedly, losing at City. That allowed Atalanta to climb over both of them and claim the last place in the knockouts!
Scoreboard: Balls: 1 correct pick (5 total), Litre: 1 correct pick (4 total)
Group D – Juventus, Atlético Madrid, Bayer Leverkusen, Lokomotiv Moskva
Balls: Juventus and Atlético go through, but I hope that Lokomotiv wins at least one game or gets a draw so that there can be peace in Ian’s household. (Please note that I do not know which team Ian’s wife’s family supports. They could be Zenit supporters for all I know…)
Litre: Bayer deserves this because they profit off pharmaceuticals. Zenit is racist as fuck. Juventus and Atletico will go through, agreed.
Actual Results: This one also went down to the last Match Day. With Juventus already qualified, Atlético needed to take care of Lokomotiv at home. They did.
Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks (7 total), Litre: 2 correct picks (6 total)
Group E – Liverpool, Napoli, Salzburg, Genk
Balls: Liverpool and Napoli go through but I really hope that Salzburg beats Genk because that salt was really tasty.
Litre: Redshite and Pizza makers go through. (Did I do it right Hippo?)
Actual Results: Liverpool and Napoli did go through and Salzburg actually beat Genk twice!
Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks (9 total), Litre: 2 correct picks (8 total)
Group F – Barcelona, Borussia Dortmund, Inter Milan, Slavia Praha
Balls: Barcelona, Dortmund, and Inter will fight until the last Match Day to see which two stay in the Champions League and who drops out. I wouldn’t be surprised if Barça gets kicked out early and Valverde gets fired. However, I just don’t see their exit that early in the tourney. I say Dortmund exit purely on goal differential, which is a shitty way to exit a tournament.
Litre: Other than my addiction for the shitty English side I support Barça. They are a joy to watch and less evil than Real. I always like Dortmund because their tifos are fucking kick ass and their coloUrs are cool.
Actual Results: As predicted, the fight did go down to the last Match Day except Barcelona had already qualified. All Inter had to do was to beat a Messi-less and youngster-filled Barça squad to ensure their qualification. Ansu Fati had other plans, however, as in the 86th minute, he scored and became the youngest player in history to score a Champions League goal. That goal gave Barcelona the road win and, combined with Dortmund’s victory over Slavia Praha, eliminated Inter.
Scoreboard: Balls: 1 correct pick (10 total), Litre: 2 correct picks (10 total)
Group G – Zenit, Benfica, Olympique Lyonnais, RB Leipzig
Balls: This is the group that is so wide open that Cherie DeVille is jealous.
Put any of these teams in any other group and they don’t get out. Well, except for Olympique Lyonnais and only if they were in the Women’s Champions League. Their Lady Footy team is a powerhouse.
Litre : This is a wide open group. Zenit is soooo racist so they cannot be supported. I would like to see Benfica and Lyon go through. I have been to both stadiums and the home fans were really fun to party with.
Actual Results: The group was wide open as all four teams had a chance to qualify on the last day. It was RB Leipzig and Lyon that went through.
Scoreboard: Balls 0 correct picks. (That’s what he gets for being a pussy and not making picks!, 10 total), Litre: 1 correct pick (11 total)
Group H – Chelsea, Ajax, Valencia, Lille
Balls: I say that Valencia and Chelsea go through, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Ajax knocks one of them out and takes their spot.
Litre: I hate Chelsea as much as the Dallas Cowboys. I hope Ajax goes on another run because that is fun. The roof in Amsterdam Arena is just big enough to only hit the pitch when it rains, it is lovely.
Actual Results: Valencia and Chelsea went through on the last day.
Scoreboard: Balls: 2 correct picks (12 total), Litre: 1 correct picks (I’m assuming you meant that Valencia would go through in addition to Ajax, 12 total)
So, 12 out of 16 places correct in the Knockout Phase is not bad at all! Considering we made those predictions way back in August, I’d like to give ourselves little pats on the back! Or butt. Whatever floats Litre’s boat.
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Wakezilla’s Fashion File: Qatar’s 2019 Club World Cup Logo
With the 2019 Club World Cup looming, Qatar recently revealed it’s logo.
Here it is:
I must admit, I absolutely love the logo! It does a fantastic job capturing what Qatar and lesser footy being played there is all about.
The off-colour green that is seen going up the trophy, leading to green stripes on the ball, represents the Emir of Qatar bribing his way to the top of the FIFA ladder, culminating in 13 stripes on the lesser footy ball, or the 13 FIFA figureheads bribed to make a World Cup happen in Qatar.
The 4 people on the ball represent all 1400 laborers who have died due to heat exhaustion. The burgundy color on the trophy is their blood, while the hot looking sunset is the heat that killed them.
To ensure Orientalism is alive in the 21st century, they used an Arab style font with Arabic numerals to prove that terrorism is winning. Additionally, there is a sand colour detected, to represent the desert that America would have travelled across to overthrow Sheikh Tamin bin Hamad al Thani if he wasn’t so hospitable and lets America have military bases in Qatar.
Excellent work, FIFA!
Balls’ Liga MX Minuto
While we came tantalizingly close to my dream #7 vs, #8 seed in La Liguilla, we DID get a final featuring #8 seed Monterrey against #6 seed América!
It should be noted that #7 seed Morelia beat América in the Juego De Ida 2-0 while América returned the favour 2-0 in the Juego De Vuelta. Per Liga MX rules, there was no extra time and the place in the final was given to América based on the higher seed earned due to finishing position in the regular season. Apparently, every game and every goal DOES count!
Now, ordinarily we would have already played the Juego De Ida of the Final, BUT Monterrey won the CONCACAF Champions League last year and was thus invited to take place in the FIFA Club World Cup in Qatar.
They are actually playing at 9:30 AM Pacific time today on Fox Sports 2 and Fox Deportes!
This means that the Mexican league champion will not be decided until around Christmas. Considering that the new Clausura tournament starts on January 10, 2020, that doesn’t leave much time for a break for either América or Monterrey. It will be a very interesting and exciting next few weeks.
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Today’s Omakase Menu (All times Pacific)
4:30 AM – Liverpool v Watford, NBCSN and Universo
7:00 AM – Real Sociedad v Barcelona, BeIn Sports, and Sports en Español
9:30 AM – Monterrey v Al Sadd Sports Club (Xavi Hernandez’ team!), Fox Sports 2 and Fox Deportes
12:00 Noon – Atlético Madrid v Osasuna, BeIn Sports and BeIn Sports en Español
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Most hot girl image credits go to the wonderful Futbol Babes Twitter account. Please give them a follow.
Finally, let’s all wish Monterrey good luck in the Club World Cup!
(137/69)
In case you, like Yeah Right, just absolutely love the Nutcracker but, like Hippo, fear and shun the outside world, and, like no one I can think of, enjoy skilled, slender fingers, have I got a twitch stream for you
https://www.twitch.tv/karacomparetto
I’m taking my third shot at China Mieville and doing Kraken. It revolves around a preserved Giant Squid that may be a god that can [elbows Hippo] cause the end of the world.
/Bonus: if you lick any page you will immediately begin hallucinating
I am savagely hung over after last night. It wasn’t the curling so much as the whisky, beer, and still Not Legal Weed! Damn government. There are hot international ladies curling on CBC. Swedes, Scots, Canadians, and the milf waitress allure of Jennifer Jones. Who is one of the latter attractive curlers in stretchy pants.
Canadian Curler Girls are very attractive.
Curling girlies are by far the most under-rated hot female athletes in ever. And you know they’re loud in bed.
Plus, they know how to use a broom.
CLEAN THE FUCKING HOUSE ALREADY.
When they yell at me to “SWEEP!’ my reply is usually, “Goddamn It! I’m folding the laundry. I’m just one guy!” They can be taskmasters at times.
Maybe your stones are too large?
Do we like Curladies because they are always yelling to hurry up? Not a problem ma’am.
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It’s the screaming “harder!” And not following it up with “was that it?”
I think I am going to go and play my latest gaming addiction, Surviving Mars, even with how infuriatingly stupid the colonists are. Love the game though.
Dude got barrel-rolled. Stonewall pen
I guess the Metz are a bit rusty coming off the Winter Meetings, but no excuse for missing a penno like that. FUCKERS
So far, this game resembles two spiders fighting in toilet water.
Brits call that a “Classic Six-Pointer”
Have Bertrand and Fornals in DFS and am 34 points from first. Many clearances from Bertrand and a goal for Fornals would be lovely please and thank you GAMBLOR!
Wife: When you go to the dump today can you get rid of all these batteries? They’re freaking me out.
Me: Are you under the impression that they’re going to band together and attack?
Wife: (Who is high as fuck) You know what? Yes. Yes I am.
OK, I first read that as “go take a dump”.
Which obviously changes the whole meaning.
Declan Rice goes early
Not doing phrasing NO MOAR??
Just a quick PSA: Fuck Philips oh-so-very-fucking much. I hope y’all get Uyghur’d !
(Translation: Bread machine just caught on fire.. Same machine that came as a replacement for a 3 month old identical one that also caught fire which in itself was a replacement for a 5 month old one that just stopped working… which came as a replacement (out of pocket this one) for an out of warranty one that was used daily for 5 years without a fucking issue!)
do they know they fucking with a fucker who owns a fucking TANK?? Because I’d lead with that, in your refund request.
First of all, tanks and assorted other heavy metal, lol. Secondly – at this point I just want to toss it in a skip and just buy a suitable replacement off Amazon. Only hiccup with that plan is trying to pick which route I’m going – cheaper with good reviews that I can wear out and toss without batting an eye or a more expensive Panasonic or something 😀
Always forget to flip to NBC proper at 12:30.
I flipped too early, in the Paid Programming window
/streaming Brits get a kick out of that
This is gonna be an annoying loss.
Netflix cut Michael Bay loose to make a movie?
I might watch this for the absurdity.
Back from the trusted tire and brakes guy and the winner in the “What’s Wrong With Horatio’s Car” contest from last night is “Torn Left Front Axle Sleeve And Also Your Tires Are Looking A Little Old”
Huzzah!
“Trust me, a torn left front axle sleeve is nothing to laugh at. It took me almost 10 months to rehab from that one.”
-Robert Griffin III
Much like Shanahan I am still driving around in it because they told me it was OK as long as I kept it local.
Adios, my car’s NFL career!!
It can still be your backup car though.
The good thing about RGIII being your backup is that you don’t have to worry about him kneeling for the anthem, because he can’t.
Well, at the very least it’ll take him until the 2 minute warning to get back up.
Hey, all is not lost. SillyCuse/Georgetown is on in under an hour. Sure it’s a massive comedown from the 80’s and 90’s when it was must-see viewing but what you gonna do? Watch the massive slurpfest of the service academy game?
/eh, I’ll watch, probably
GREAT, the Lesser JV match I remember to watch is in a dome. DUE BETTER, Jackrabbits
Speaking of Jackrabbits, Janoris Jenkins was released by the Giants. He’s their top-rated cb at #55. There’s no one else on the team in the top 100. The Fins/Fitzmagic gonna have some fun Sunday.
I guess the retard comment was a little too close to home for the Giants considering their QB’s facial expression.
/nods semi-knowingly – Sam D., East Rutherford, NJ
Well it is Fargo in December, I suppose they want the fans to be a little comfortable.
FUCK ‘EM GIMME BLIZZARD TEEVEE
Cherries woo!
Having to sit through my 8th viewing of The Nutcracker…
Not woo.
I still get to take eldest right and the Wahini out to dinner afterwards so that will be worth it.
Jesus that ballet is like an acid induced nightmare.
Remind everyone afterwards that Frank Lampard is a Tory Cunt and you stuck yer Cherries feet up his tight arse.
Now for some FCS playoff magic, well lesser magic, more of a cantrip.
I just ordered Hanukkah flowers to be delivered to the former tWLS’ mother on the first day. She’s a very sweet woman who was always kind and welcoming to me. And her health is not great so who knows next year? She deserves something nice IMHO.
But as soon as I hit the “Place Order” button clicky thing, I knew damned well this is gonna come back to bite me in the ass in some way or another. Oh well, too late now. A week from now might become quite interesting.
Don’t forget to all Asia in California. Wait.
Asia was supposed to call me, actually.
That was over two months ago. I guess she forgot.
Weed makes people what? Oh, about 3:30.
You make me think of the guy who likes to poke the hornets nest but is too slow to get away without getting stung.
I’m faster than I look. And honestly I didn’t do this to piss off the former tWLS.
But if it does, I’ll call it a bonus.
It really is true that no good deed goes unpunished.
Sadly, yes.
To save yourself some extra work, you should set up a group text to wish all your exes holiday wishes. Get all the pain at once.
I send birthday wishes to all of them. Every year. None ever acknowledge.
My birthday was 10 days ago. Guess how many remembered?
If your answer is more than zero, you will be wrong.
I didn’t know, so Happy Belated bday. Where should I send the handle of freezer vodka?
No worries. I don’t advertise my birthday. It’s why I’ve gone to Vegas the past several years to avoid it. But when someone who has allegedly cared and should remember? But more than that, they can’t acknowledge that you remembered theirs? Pretty shitty.
Agreed.
this is TOTES sommet I can relate to as a Son of the South
Though rare and expensive, going with the “Your Daughter’s a Whore” flower probably wasn’t the best choice.
I was very nice with the card. Though I did want to say something along those lines…
Your daughter is a total bitch, but I still like you.
Though to the point and concise, saving lots of money on account of per-character pricing, “U up” probably wasn’t the best choice.
I did a nice thing for a sweet woman who as I already said was always kind to me.
Why would two of you fucknuts downvote this?
We can downvote comments again? To the archives!
Yep. Just let your cursor hover to the right of the number.
But still….downvoting doing something nice for a little Jewish lady who might be dead before spring. That’s just wrong.
I just did it, to see if it worked, and also because I’m an asshole.
But it was nice gesture. That will backfire spectacularly.
Yes it will. I am quite certain of this.
And I’m only joking about the downvoting. I no longer care who hates me.
Rev is continuing to kick the shit out of all of us in the tipping comp.
White dreams crushed by an Mbuemo goal. Fitting, that.
Unlike the women in this post, my stomach ain’t doing so great this morning. Might have something to do with all the beer I drank last night.
I hate everything.
What took you so long?
Usually every Saturday morning something happens in West London that ruins my weekend. Then work, and repeat.
So the Cherries being on top set you off. Or is it, I can never remember allegiances around here.
FUCK CHELSEA WITH A RUSTY SCREWDRIVER. Sadly I am a Fulham supporter.
EAT SHITE, Tory Cunt Frank Lampard
Fidget Spinners sure came and went fast.
https://gfycat.com/@unsurprised/collections/da57178f8b95d49774cffa223f137ca0/soccer
That dude does a good work.
https://pixxxels.cc/gallery/z5olcyr4/
Scotchy’s Sens are quaking in their boUts now, only (checks notes) 9 points ahead of Detroit for last place.
Flames fans are getting all uppity again…
They need a good coach to take care of that…
We’ve leveled up from laughingstock to gigglingstock.
– Freddie Mercury
Technically speaking, he wasn’t gay, lol. He was (from accounts) an “everything that moves and/or has a pulse” guy XD
This is very true.
Balls became me so suddenly i didn’t even notice.
Dundee UTD and Ayr both winning at the half. Beauty.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JAMspjxkrg
Found a funny:
AVOCADO: Hello I’m good fat
BACON: *lights cigarette* *punches avocado*
Rebecca Lowe in Flori-dur
LOL
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/ELmTYjhWkAAdISg?format=jpg&name=small
Cherries asking all the questions here
Neneh? Poppins? Bournemouth?
#BuffaloStance
Is that some move Poppins perfected?
I keed, I keed.
World Cup logo really needs a “salute to slave laboUr” worked in there somewhere. Otherwise it’s pretty good.
hey, their next-of-kin get 10% off their official World Cup merchandise purchases. Suck it LIBTARD!!!111
With no tax!
didn’t have the bollocks to GAMBLOR upon Norwich. But Rodgers’ Foxes are just so goddamned fraudulent, much like the manager hisself
Oh my God the Fulham back 4 is a disaster.
I was about to say this is nae how you secure a homeland in the Premiership FOAR White chilluns ,, smh
/now go apologize to Deci for letting him down
God, are we terrible.
Goalie person in Al-Hilal/Esperance Sportive game makes outstanding save.
This just in – Bayern are poo
How you noe you is living right – on back to back days, you have come-from-behind successful bets thanks to TWO second half pennos (as the away side) in EACH GAME!
/SS Juve Stabia yesterday, Gaz Metan Medias just ahora
fuck’s sake – SIX added minutes, tho
Afternoon gents… anyone else feels like a global thermonuclear war is a more palatable alternative to X-mas shopping? 😀
Did all of mine online, except syrups for Mrs. Cola’s new sodastream. She likes them Moscow Mules. Malls are hell on Earth. If I do have to go I get stoned in the parking lot and wear headphones so no one bothers or talks to me.
I paid for my kids’ various winter travels, am divorced, and have non-aggression pacts elsewhere.
I did all of my shopping online too… Unfortunately, the wife volunteered me to help carry bags and shit for her, her sisters AND her mom 😀
Oooh fuck that sucks. Get a buzz on before you go.
I came back after one … And I’ve got me brimful of 10yo Tullamore and a Cohiba to try and find my happy place… while sitting in the cupola of a T-72. Also, I did a stupid thing and first buttoned it up, before realizing that inside I get really shit WiFi 😀
Balotelli is always entertaining.
wait, he’s still alive??
Yep, his stupidity just exiled him all the way to Brescia
Just got a yeallow for a rash challenge. They are up 2 nil.
Balotelli gon’ Balotelli
Fuck sakes Brum, do better.
Baggies is right cunts. Brexit turf.
This game has been superb
I am just waiting for the Krauts to start up play
Aaaannnd there it is. Fucking Birmingham just as useless as Villa.
Feel proud I resisted betting this Czech Republic side (despite the cool name, they always fuck me):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CU3mc0yvRNk
Today in your Mighty Whitey (nawt raycess) update Fulham are away to our noisy neighboUrs Brentford. Brentford is actually in Brentford which is nice (lookin at you Chelski) They have been playing very attacking footy this year and thrashed Luton town so I am a bit worried about our back 4 but stlll bet Fulham and the over.
I hope everyone is worshipping GAMBLOR. Fuck all else to do today.
La Liga 3 team parlay, Scottish 2nd div parlay, Mighty Whitey away to the Beez. Yes Hippo, I am at the altar.
HAIL!!
Moneys on Gaz Metan Medias, Salford City, and Benevento FOAR Hippo.
Holy Shit Birmingham is beat the Baggies!
Upside-down Bananacakes, that Championship
I honestly fucking love it Hippo. It is a rollercoaster all season.
I hope I can continue taking your word for it!!
Laundromat duty and then some bidnessin’. Cigs are expensive, ppl forget that.
Playoffs? In Soccer? What the…
I fucking love these skits he did.