There’s much talk of drinkling and fooding in the early thread so I know that everyone is doing it right proper today. The forty-five minutes I spent on the elliptical (god, I hate that motherfucker) won’t even begin to justify the calories that I’ll be absorbing through the day but we all like to pretend, right? And this tilt-doing the research for the intro it’s remarkable how well coached these teams are, the disparate weapons each squadoo has, the game-planning that’s been done to get here… Everything about these two teams is so impressive. So, as Guga Foods would say, Let’s Do It!
TO THE GAME!
Niners/Chiefs:
-Everywhere you look it’s strength against strength against strength. The Chiefs started the season looking like last season’s Shoot ’em up squad that had to out-score everyone and yes, they have some of those same attributes but now they can actually stop people-namely, outside receivers.
-San Fran’s stifling D plays zone coverage the second-most of all teams. Wanna guess which football tosser had the highest QBR rating against zone coverage? Yeah, that Mahomes kid.
-San Fran has only trailed by more than 7 points just once all season long. But Andy Reid’s record after getting a bye in regular and postseason is a gaudy 23-5.
-In bottling up receivers the Chiefs D has allowed the 3rd-most catches to the tight end position. Kittles has been vewy, vewy qwiet the past two weeks but he may have to be the gamebreaker today if San Fran has to match scores. He’ll most likely be defended off and on by Honey Badger who has been very effective in a ‘roaming’ role this season.
-It certainly seems as though the Niners own the best d-line in the biz and the numbers back them up. When Armstead, Ford, Bosa and Buckner are on the field at the same time they get a pressure rate (just think of a fast-collapsing pocket) of 44%. On third and fourth down that rate rises to a ridiculous 57%.
-So Mahomes under pressure-I wonder how his numbers look when he has to throw in 2.5 seconds or less. [shuffles through notes] Ah, here it is-he’s 218 for 300 on his completions (72%) with 16 TD’s and no intercepts. Jesus Christ.
-I took a look at prop bets and the one that makes me curious is Mahomes running yardage at 24.5 or 30.5, depending where you look. He’s run for 53 in each game, you know there’ll be at least one designed run for him, you know he’ll get flushed out of the pocket a few times and you know he’s going to take off if there’s a long ball play and Hill is covered and the open middle of the field beckons. Am I missing something here?
-Prediction Time: I don’t think this game will get away from the Niners. I do want Reid to get a ring and not be saddled with the ‘couldn’t get it done in the big game’ albatross. I am all for Mahomes getting a Super Bowl under his belt on his way to eclipsing Brady as the best QB of all time over the next 15-18 years. Let’s do 31-28 Chiefs.
How about you? Where’d you put the moneys? Who was the first to bring up politics out of context? Who’s the sloppy drunk in your gang? You didn’t burn the nachos did you? Fill some space down below.
ROCK CONCERT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G8u1ErQTO0
Why does The Rock get to do the intros?
It Doesn’t Matter!
Because he’s awesome at it.
he said candy @$$ – am writing the FCC
Metallica? I approve.
Webb Simpson wins in Phoenix, and I haven’t watched any Fox yet!
35-31 Niners, which will result in profit from Sharkbait.
The Bout to Knock the Other Guy Out!
This Time It’s For Money
A Groundhog Day commercial without Bill Murray? I want my money back.
28-27, Tomsulas
Ha, suck it Dreamboat, you’re just on the field for the pregame tribute.
Dan Marino hitting up Manning for a loan
I’m going with 24-17 Chiefs, although without putting much thought into it
yep, i still hate jerry Rice.
At halftime there will be a Don Shula in memorium tribute
How confident are we that Ray Lewis went through the metal detectors?
I just had a weird thought about what to use as shellfish detectors for Jameis
Reminder: Mute the game because Joe Buck is one of the announcers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1M4FG8R-kdw
Where coaches room channel when ya need it
OJ in attendance?
Hester though?
Shit, are they doing Scarlet Letter analysis now?
Dwight Stephenson touched the ball on every play actually
Jerry Rice, wearing his jersey because he can.
Is there a prop bet on “how many Ad Wizards out there jerk off to completion to the thought of millions of people watching commercials on purpose”?
So I suppose Bob’s Burgers, Family Guy and Simpsons won’t be on tonight?
/sighs heavily
Not on the east coast
It’s an open-air stadium so there better be a kick-ass flyover. Like not just a B-52 but a formation of twelve B-52s. Or twelve stealth bombers. Or maybe just a single B-1 on full-afterburner with a sonic boom that shatters every cocktail glass, every pair of eyeglasses, and every single camera lens for miles around. America Fuck Yeah!
anytime I see one of those, I want my taxes refunded
“One of those?” I mentioned 25 things.
He meant a cocktail glass obviously.
According to experts* you can’t even see stealth bombers so?
*Dumbassfatfuck president
They should go full Rolling Fucking Thunder on that flyover
Long as they don’t get John McCain to fly it
Four fucking crashes
few things confound me more (visually) than a black person wearing a cowboy hat
Shula happy cuz he thinks he’s coaching today
Dave Shula?
Andy Reid’s son had a long 2 weeks getting some deals done.
It’s cool that Janeane gets to use the same locker room, with no bodily disrespect.
Really cranking up the energy levels with this pregame
Breakup sex is the loudest sex
For no reason:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zh_vIlp-300
I got all this pressure to be briiiight
I gots childrens all over town…
Phoenix Open playoff about to start if you wanna avoid Fox for as long as possible.
Otherwise, MEN LET’S GET CRUNK. AND LADIES, HELP US GET CRUNK. (j/k please also get crunk)
I’m certain watching any cable news literally rots people’s brains
My saying is “MSNBC for lefties, Fox for righties, CNN for dummies.”
That said, I only watch even MSNBC on election nights.
lefties? Sure, Left of Reagan, right of Nixon
hey, I just like Steve Kornacki’s numerical breakdowns
He’s about a week away from using “kike” in a tweet.
In October 2020:
CNN Host: “Today, Donald Trump accused the Democratic nominee of colluding with aliens to replace all white American men with reptilian drag queens. We go now to our panel.”
Democratic Strategist: “This is fucking absurd. Why aren’t we talking about Trump colluding with foreign interference in our elections? Or him putting children in cages? Or the GOP trying to take away health insurance from poor people?”
GOP Strategist: “The American people would prefer a president who colludes with other humans to one who colludes with scaly green beasts from another star system!”
Host: “We go now to our expert political analyst… what do you make of this controversy?”
CNN Expert Nonpartisan Political Analyst: “You know, the Democrats’ failure to denounce reptilian drag queens is really going to hurt them with middle-class white voters in the Midwest.”
Gonna be a long year, people.
Speaking of THANKING THE TROOPS:
Dan Crenshaw is a coward and fucking one-eyed loser.
He is those, yessir.
a veritable Liam McPoyle?
Liam McPoyle was a much more valiant man than Crenshaw
I cannot disagree.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W5liIhpkpkA
I hope I remember to unmute at kickoff. Actually AM interested in teh FITBAW portion of the show.
Respect the Troops and Mambas
Woot Woot. Coin toss from Devine Texas. Most of my family is from there and the neighboring towns.
I hate that John Cena is the villain in F9 because they’ve now added like the dozenth character to the franchise that is undeniably better than Diesel and his character in every way.
TRUE HIPPO FACT! I have not seen uno minuto of any iterations of this franchise.
I like the part when they’re fast, or when people are furious about their being fast. Or something like that.
/also wen they speak in hip young ppl slang
Worked with a guy who was into illegal car racing, and I would ask him “hey did you guys Tokyo drift this weekend?” and he would get mad and say “dammit it’s just called drift, not Tokyo drift” and I probably called it “Tokyo drift” about a million more times while I worked with him. He ended up leaving the company and going to work at a megachurch but I don’t know if that’s relevant.
He probably runs their Saturday Tokyo Drift & Bible Study event in the giant, empty parking lot.
Tribute to MURICA. Let’s hear that Racist Fat Fuck read two sentences from the Declaration of Independence
when they showed the “Declaration” image, I wondered if some Rooskie courtesans were gonna come out and pee on it.
Leave it to the super bowl on fox to find a way to make John cash lame
So…this is the Murrica part of the show?
If Tyreek breaks his neck in the first quarter, I’m going with the chiefs. Otherwise, it’s cero miedo time.
tuff but fare
Am rooting for KC. i like Mahomes, he’s a Red Raider. Andy Reid should luck into 1 championship and Tyreek Hill needs some more time in the spotlight. Am hoping he gets MVP. i would love to see his interview.
I’ll save you the trouble.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rRZ-IxZ46ng
I suck
We’re here because we ALL suck, in a similar and sometimes humourous fashion.
Of course. But not nearly as much as you think you do.
Lunch time Italian sub… check
Short rib chili getting ready for kickoff… check
Scotch… check
Wine… also, check?
Pre-game cigar… check?
Really big shrimp with homemade cocktail sauce for halftime?…. working on it.
Chicken wings just in case… standing by. (“Just in case what? The world doesn’t end?” — A. Reid)
Cardiologist?…. also standing by.
Does a massive heart attack count as cardio. Doing kielbasa, fried Mac and cheese balls and triscits with a cheese spreads. Responsebily eating before drinking
Just be sure to balance out your diet a little. Maybe some friend zucchini.
That should have been “fried,” but it’s true that fried zucchini is my friend.
What is happening on the TV?
It’s muted, but I can tell I don’t like it.
Christ, Larry King is still ALIVE?? Or is this a Futurama “Nixon’s Head” thingy?
I did nae bet it. Just have Sharkbait’s Superb Owl Squa-uhs
Normally I’d pick the team with the white quarterback, but with these two guys it’s hard to tell. Do I go with the pale-face quadroon or the swarthy wop?
It’s too close to call. I think the tiebreaker should be your notion of which one likes being spanked more. Have at it.
Moar naked dance party? MOAR NAKED DANCE PARTY!!!!!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR2JtsVumFA
Nerples and an extended geetar solo? I like.
Betting wise, I decided not to go anywhere near this game after looking at the numbers. KC -1.5 doesn’t do it for me, and the MLs are fucked.
I would have paid good money to see joe buck ask the geico pinocchio what he thinks of his announcing
LOL, that’s good.
“I listen to you and I hear potential!”
I’d rather see the Geico woodchucks chuck some wood at his head. Troy’s too, but would anyone be able to tell?