Your “Gotta Keep Your Eyes Open” Thursday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

NFL Noise:

  • Because he only hit a woman & the pipe, but never took a knee, Aldon Smith is back in the NFL.  
    • He signed a one-year contract with the Cowboys, for a base salary of $2 million and an additional $2 million in incentives.
    • He hasn’t played a full season since 2013 due to substance suspensions, and has been out of the league since his release for domestic violence in 2018.
      • “There is beauty in the struggle,” Smith wrote after signing with the Cowboys.
    • ESPN notes this is the latest in a series of charming signing by Jerry Jones, who values talent over character.  
      • In 2014, he traded with Baltimore for linebacker Rolando McClain, who led the team in tackles that season. In 2015, he signed Greg Hardy as a free agent and selected Randy Gregory in the second round of the draft. A decade earlier, he added Tank Johnson and Pacman Jones.
  • Titans running back Derrick Henry signed his $10.2 million franchise tender.
    • They now have until July 15 to work out a long-term deal, or he plays for one year at that price.
  • Jadeveon Clowney has apparently lowered his asking price, in hopes of getting signed by anyone, soon.
    • He had reportedly wanted $20 million/year, but has now lowered that demand to between $17-18 million.
    • The Seahawks & Titans remain the notable named teams still interested in him.
  • The NFLPA has responded to Eric Reid’s allegations about the new CBA, claiming his accusation is “completely false”.
    • “Yes, the NFLPA fixed a cross-reference in the final version of the new CBA,” states the NFLPA’s response, which was sent to its executive council and board of player representatives on Tuesday and to all players Wednesday. “No, that cross-reference reflects no substantive difference whatsoever from what players were told about the proposed CBA and what the players voted to approve.”

Today’s good internet dog is this unknown Great Dane puppy taking charge when its owner just wants to TikTok her shoes.

She’s lucky he didn’t try to mount her.


Tonight’s … entertainment?:

  • Classic Boxing – 9:00 PM | ESPNCLS
    • From 1973: Muhammad Ali vs. Ken Norton in their second heavyweight fight.
  • Brooklyn Nine-Nine – 8:30 PM | NBC / City
    • Jake and his father deal with unsettled family business. Amy and Rosa work a high-profile case. Terry wants to join the NYPD band.
  • Top Chef – 10:00 PM | BRAVO / Food Network Canada
    • Comedic superstars Ali Wong and Randall Park swing by the Top Chef kitchen for a Quickfire Challenge tasking the chefs to make the wackiest fried rice they can.
    • Then, the chefs head to the famed Getty Museum to seek inspiration from one of four historical art movements to create a masterpiece on their plate.

Seamus has you tomorrow, and I’ll have my usual pre-taped goodness on the weekend. Ta-Ta.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
38 Comment threads
99 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
28 Comment authors
Moose -The End Is Well NighUnsurprisedLemonJelloBC Dickyeah right Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

It’s definitely a Friday. My brain is already melted two hours into work

yeah right

So now we’re advised to wear masks when walking into our local 7-11.

What could possibly go wrong?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Well, where do you fall on this chart?
comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Having done this twice since the ban, once while wearing a bandana over my face, I figure getting shot is the price to be paid for going inside in the first place.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I didn’t shower today, and not gonna lie, my balls smell awful.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Same here. I feel like I need to disinfect my office chair

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Hey look, it’s Sam Hurd!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BC Dick

I went to that same seminar. Total rip off. You had to pay for the roofies on top of your entry fee.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s got way worse since the Benny Hill days.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

BC Dick

Theoretically, if you were a dirty pot-smoking hippie, would you be the filthy patchouli-soaked kind of person who rolls straight grass or would you be the type of amoral slacker who mixes it with harmless tobacco?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Theoretically stereotypically.

Everybody should buy more tobacco products.

BC Dick

I agree. I honestly love smoking cigarettes. Canadian smokes suck. I like American ones like Marlboro.
A cashier at a gas station in California near the eastern border looked at me like I was an alien when I asked her what kind of cigarettes they had and what was good.

BC Dick

Ok well I was hoping to hear how you do it. I roll straight weed. Maybe it’s not legal where you aee but that’s why I did the whole theory thing. Some people do a mix. I like both. Maybe you had a reason one way or other.
None of this matters.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Col. Duke LaCross

Tanis. Mother of gawd…

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The oil rubber person missed a spot.

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like it would be strange to hang out with Megan Fox in person, because you’d be confused as to why she’s not fourteen feet tall.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Peyton Manning’s cat

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Took a shower and ventured forth today after all my phonecons were done.

Independent liquor store I am going to continue to use as long as they are open (instead of the discount big box chains) was fully stocked, picked up three handles of my favorite poisons.

HEB was not crowded, and relatively well stocked. No paper products, 409 or other spray disinfectants, or eggs. Once again, no 2-liters of my favorite booze mixer, bought a 12-pack of 12-oz cans instead. Bread shelf was sparsely populated, no tortillas at all, although last week tortillas were full and bread was empty, guess it’s just a matter of timing your visit correctly. I had to buy a large rather than small loaf, so I guess I’ll keep it in the fridge to put off mold development (any bread I ever eat is toasted anyway).

Third part of my journey ended in failure. I had read that the tax thing was put off from April until July, but just to confirm I looked around the other day and found that you still have to file by 15 April, you can defer payment till 15 July. So, I called the library where I usually get my forms, and they said they could put a bag with 1040s and instructions out on the transaction table (she told me you could borrow books online and they will put them out on the table for you; no one allowed inside). I called ahead when I got done with HEB, library was on my way home, and got a message telling me that the library was closed until 9 April. No mention of that when I talked to library lady yesterday. Guess I’m going to have to file electronically. Called a buddy of mine that I knew filed electronically, he said he used something called Tax Act, and it was only 6 bucks. I’ll give it a look. I bet it’s more than 6 bucks now, but WTF. Anyone got nice-time stories about elex filing experiences they would like to share? My stuff is pretty simple, especially this year, hell I might even be able to use 1040EZ, though I haven’t checked to see what the earning threshold is for that.

Enjoyed reading the SoCal thread. When I am “at work”, the USAF VPN firewalls DFO, and if I can get on the VPN during work hours, I don’t want to log off (USAF VPN is obviously overwhelmed, 80,000 slots for 500,000 of us). So, when I log off the VPN mid- to late-afternoon, I’m always anxious to mix my first cocktail and check this place out. You guys (and the occasional gal) are helping me maintain my sanity.

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Most states (that I know of) let you e-file the state portion for free. It would be somewhere on your state dot gov website. My taxes are always pretty simple, and I have been using the free version of TurboTax for the last 10 years.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Thanks, I’ll check on that one too. Don’t have to worry about state, this being TX, just federal. I just don’t understand the business model of “free.” What’s the catch?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think the IRS mandates it from them if you are below a certain income level.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Shit, I haven’t filed taxes in 10 years. I should probably call someone and get on that.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

What? How do you get away with that? Are you living under a freeway overpass? Are you Gene Hackman living in a Faraday Cage in Enemy of the State?comment image

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Dirty secret: The government isn’t that smart.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

As someone who works for the government, I agree.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

BC Dick

Dale has always been right. About it all.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

What part of texsa (intentional sp) do you hang your hat?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m in town of Bulverde, in Comal County, exurb about 20 miles north of San Antonio on US Hwy 281. We have had 15 cases, 2 deaths thus far, in this, the fastest growing county in Texas, and second fastest growing county in the Disunited States.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

The IRS extended both the filing and payment deadline to July 15.
California is following the same guidelines as the IRS.
Texas may be different because Texas, although I thought they didn’t pay taxes in Texas on their exes.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

We don’t have to pay state income tax. There are plenty of other taxes that we pay to make up for it, though.

BC Dick

You ever seen a Canadian paycheque? I guess there’s the health care, though.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

No, I’d rather pay more taxes. Taxes are the price of civilization. Fuck Texas and all that Ayn Rand fucking bullshit.

BC Dick

I would too, actually. Not that I have a choice. But still I think it’s right and good to pay the tax as much as I still hate it and government as a whole. Relative to human history in general I and I think we in general have it real damn good. Why not strive to make all secure and fed and worthy. If I had a cause it would be free meals in all schools and that can only be achieved by government. Damn it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ve kept this thread open since I noticed it: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/eq04z3/tax_filing_software_megathread_a_comprehensive/

We’re using taxact this year. I’ve found it to be fine.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Thanks!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I used tax act and it never even demanded an up sell even though I have a bunch of income sources a to report because somehow I’m poor yet have ridiculous amounts of tax papers to file.

Senor Weaselo

It is file and pay in July now

BC Dick

Aldon Smith never got benched is why he’s back

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Comedic superstars Ali Wong and Randall Park

Who?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Racist.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

I have no clue who they are, but most of that fried rice sounded disgusting!

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

ALXMAC
ALXMAC

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

So. After more than 150 years, looks like the South might finally win the Civil War.
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/04/the-american-south-has-resisted-social-distancing-measures-and-were-all-going-to-pay-the-price/

Horatio Cornblower

Fuck it, if rickets hasn’t killed us by now we can beat this attempt too.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Dude. It won the moment Lincoln died.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

And, regrettably, it appears as if Russia has come out on top in their century-long multi-battlefield war with the US, as well.

herodotus450
herodotus450

That’s… quitter commie talk if I ever heard it. Who are you really…
(rips of Tabula Raza’s mask)
(oh no it wasn’t a mask)
Oh no there’s a lot of blood guys, you’ll all be my alibi, right? I’m too ugly to go to jail.

Horatio Cornblower

/yawns

Call Scotchy. He’s got…”experience” at these things.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This guy! LOL!

Senor Weaselo

The Rebel Yell is now a cough in your face.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Then there’s this asshole…

BC Dick

That is not the raw story website I know and have been paying a hefty membership to for years. I want hardcore twank action, not politics, damn it!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

How are you with carpet burns?

litre_cola

Anyone else getting shaggy? I was overdue for a haircut and now it is turning into hockey hair.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

Yep, thinking about pulling out that Flowbee that I know is around here somewhere.

Senor Weaselo

It wasn’t him.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve always been lazy about haircuts (childhood issues with it for some reason), so usually only get one once a quarter anyway, and I had one when I first emerged from my foot-surgery cocoon about a month ago, so I’m not uncomfortable yet. Plus, for some reason, since my bariatric surgery, my hair has gotten real curly, which is weird, but if it grows in circles instead of straight lines it won’t appear as long as it actually is. But it’s weird this late in life to suddenly get nappy/Jew-fro hair. When I was in Afghanistan, the style was 1/8″ long for everyone, so I grew mine out in glorious shoulder-length locks.
Beard gets trimmed every two weeks, though I briefly considered going full ZZ Top for a minute or two there when we got sent home, but, nah.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Gumby looks like Rasputin!

Sharkbait

This isnt the longest it’s been but its close. If I cant get a haircut til May I’m fucked.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, actually! I own two sets of clippers and have actually gotten reasonably proficient with them.

Senor Weaselo

Oh shit Whose Line Zoom

Horatio Cornblower

Dolores from Westworld can get it. And by “it” I mean your still-beating heart, which she will tear out of your heart and show to you.

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Which is worth around $20k, WORTH IT!

clint greasewood
clint greasewood

Just Lurking
comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Remember a few months ago when we only had a recession to look forward to?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

In the 60 years I’ve been alive, I don’t think things have ever been as fucked as things are fucked right now.

rockingdog
rockingdog

Found a funny:
British dudes get stabbed and be like “Hmm. Bit rude innit.”

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

My back started hurting last night, and when I woke up this morning it’s been absolutely killing me. All this sitting on my ass is doing me no favors.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

None of this would have happened if you hadn’t turned away in disgust when that guy screamed “I’m a hemophiliac!”

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

SonOfSpam

Halftime update: https://www.twitch.tv/eamaddennfl

Derwin James (49ers) is up on Tyreek Hill (Bears) 31-0.

I have no idea why anyone would choose the Bears. Trubisky’s as crappy in Madden as he is IRL.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I think Goya would approve.comment image

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Wasn’t Zeus even shittier than Kronos?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I think they were all the same guy, just using aliases. Like DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can.

Senor Weaselo

And a 52-3 final apparently.

I wonder how Tyreek’s doing after that. I mean he’s not normally on the receiving end of such abuse.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fuck Tyreek Hill. I wish him failure in all things he ever attempts. Unless of course he becomes a paramedic and has to perform CPR on one of you folks. Then I will begrudgingly wish for him to do an adequate job.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What? You don’t like guys who punch pregnant women?

litre_cola

“Only daddy gets wine mummy.” Decilitre.

Never been prouder.

SonOfSpam

That’s good parentin’

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BC Dick

Apparently he’ll be testing concrete in my town soon, too. A prolific 3 year old, that one.

Gratliff

Yet another eldritch horror from the mind of Eli Valley
comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
SonOfSpam

If you like watching pro football players play Madden, Derwin James and Tyreek “chickbeater” Hill are playing in the championship game here shortly: https://www.twitch.tv/eamaddennfl

I watched a little of the semis and it was surprisingly entertaining, in that they play about as well as I do.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Should I ignore this email or just go fucking wild?

LemonJello
LemonJello

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I love love love that there’s a full beer in front of him, and an empty glass right nearby.

Horatio Cornblower

Can’t have your second beer if you don’t have your first!

King Hippo

God help me, I am a “gamer” again. For Steam/FM20, I shall be KingHippoBitterBlue

SonOfSpam

Is “Football Manager” a soccer game, and do you just manage your team or play as well?

SonOfSpam

Ok rather than wait, I did the Google.

Looks time-wasting!

King Hippo

I can only think about my own and society’s impending death so many hours a day

/please come back NFL

King Hippo

methinks the games are simulated, you just specify tactics

LemonJello
LemonJello

He has to sort, clean and repair virtual equipment and uniforms each week.

SonOfSpam

“ANOTHER load of jockstraps???”

King Hippo

#NoDaysOff

herodotus450
herodotus450

Is there a way to create a league? The DFO Leauge with other human players? And I think we all know what the relegation league would be called.

herodotus450
herodotus450

I guess I could just look all this up myself, i dont know.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

During a webex work call today, one of the Brits had a birthday card on his wall behind him signed by your fav Harry Kane, he was inordinately proud of it. Good thing I never have the camera on so he couldn’t see my sneer.

Gratliff

Gratliff

I’m not saying that this whole thing has affected my politics, but I’m definitely okay with us starting a land war with Australia and taking all their copies of Final Fantasy VII. This is bullshit. Let me plaayyyyyyyyyyyyy.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/entertainment/gaming/final-fantasy-7-remake-is-available-early-in-australia/ar-BB11ZkOy

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Unfortunately, we now have one less US Navy aircraft carrier to lead the battle group that would have to accompany said invasion.

SonOfSpam

The dog video starts off great…and that ending!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m a little more about the hot ginger than the humor, but I can do both.

King Hippo

Have y’all EVAR noticed that life on this planet has no meaning or redemption whatsoever?

/not that it would make a great “motivational” office poster

scotchnaut

“Kinda disappointed in you right now.”

-The “Just Hang In There” kitten poster

SonOfSpam

comment image

King Hippo

ah stand corrected!

Gratliff

Tiger King got the coronavirus in prison, so that happened in a hurry. Guess we’ll have to shoot him in his fucking head now since he’s sick and all. It’s what he’d want.
https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/netflixs-tiger-king-star-joe-21803242

theeWeeBabySeamus

You can’t cure stupid.

Horatio Cornblower

Please refer to Gratliff’s “shoot him in his fucking head” plan above.

Col. Duke LaCross

It’s Carole’s fault!

theeWeeBabySeamus

theeWeeBabySeamus

Perhaps I’ve been watching too much teevee box lately.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

“She’s lucky he didn’t try to mount her.”
How can you be absolutely sure of that?