Here we stand at the precipice of the culmination of the greatest theoretical sports competition of all time.

More thrilling than a hundred chess championships played end to end.

More theoretical than an e-sports athlete.

And more ladies screaming at frozen rocks than when those escorts finally agreed to visit my ice fishing shack.

Yes, indeed it is so: The Theoretical Women’s World Curling Championship has a winner!

As nearly two dozen of us know, the final came down to whether #1 ranked Team Sweden

Or #2 ranked Team Canada

Would secure the victory for their country and their husbands, who are surely waiting at home for a good meal to be cooked right about now.

It was a tight race, with Team Sweden racing out to a four vote lead before Team Canada pulled back within one. Alas, it was not to be for the lady Canucks as in the end they lost out by the narrowest of margins (one) to the Swedes.

Congratulations to Anna Hasselborg and her team of stunning stone sliders for the first and perhaps only TWWCC!

While Canada did have the star of the tournament in the lovely and talented Shannon Birchard, the Swedes just had too much depth on their squad and managed to push past any obstacles put in their way to get what they wanted.

Say… there’s a job opening in Hollywood that seems like it would be right up their collective alley (I want to see this alley, by the way). Gently used walker and a lifetime subscription to G&C magazine included.

So thanks to all who voted and I hope you get a chance to take in some real hot lady curling action sometime soon. And if you’re wondering why the poll says it is tied that is because I voted before the end and I should’ve waiting to be the tiebreaker. Instead, as usual when it comes to beautiful women, I was not required.

On a side note, I watched My Cousin Vinny the other day and good gracious me is Marisa Tomei ever spectacularly, irresistibly gorgeous in that movie.

The clothes, the accent, the total package. What a woman. A cute little baby dee-yah?

George was a fool. He had his shot and he blew it!

But that is all the curling and Marisa Tomei I’ve got for the day. Next week – the men’s tournament! All plaid, all tight, and a little bit of kilt action. Get your loins girded, boys and girls.