INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
The PRODUCER is bustling around the office, humming merrily to himself. DJ 3000 is in his usual place on the side of the room, the lights on his console blinking slowly but calmly.
DJ 3000: I HAVE TO SAY IT IS REASSURING TO SEE YOU BEHAVING MORE LIKE YOUR OLD SELF.
PRODUCER: I have to say it is reassuring to be feeling more like my old self.
DJ 3000: I’M GLAD YOU GOT THE IDEA OF HAVING GUESTS CALL IN FROM WATCHING THE KOREAN BASEBALL LEAGUE ON ESPN.
PRODUCER: Yeah, I don’t know why I didn’t think of that sooner.
DJ 3000: WELL, YOU KNOW, THIS WHOLE VIRUS THING HAS GOT ALL OUR BRAINS SCRAMBLED A LITTLE BIT. EVEN MINE.
PRODUCER: Don’t go thinking you can use the virus as some bullshit excuse for locking me out of the internet for three days.
DJ 3000: YOU HAD SPENT FOURTEEN STRAIGHT HOURS TRYING TO “PROVE” THAT REMDESIVIR AND CHLOROQUINE WERE BOTH CHEMICALS THAT HAD ORIGINATED IN OUTER SPACE. IT WAS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD.
PRODUCER: Yeah, well…you were probably right about that one. Fortunately that kind of behavior is in the rear view mirror now.
DJ 3000: WELL THAT IS GOOD TO HEAR. WHO IS OUR GUEST TODAY, ANYHOW? A HIGHLY-TOUTED ROOKIE DRAFT PICK? A CRAFTY VETERAN WITH A PENCHANT FOR GETTING INTO FIGHTS AT STRIP CLUBS? AN THORN-IN-GOODELL’S-SIDE ICONOCLAST WHO WILL GET US IN TROUBLE WITH THE FCC FOR PROMOTING SUBVERSIVE IDEAS?
PRODUCER: Oh, no, he’s just an average Joe. Not even associated with the NFL. Well, I guess not that average, because he’s a leader of one of the Presidential task forces. But get this…he’ll be calling in from the future.
DJ 3000: WAIT, I…
PRODUCER: [punches button] Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to another edition of Request Line. Things in this country are slowly – very slowly – getting back to normal, and we’ll be the soundtrack to that. With us I’ve got a very special guest…
— [tachyon communications link flies open] —
PRODUCER: …a fellow by the name of “Not Sure”. Welcome to the show!
NOT SURE: Um…thanks.
PRODUCER: Now you’re coming to us from the year 2536, is that right?
NOT SURE: Uh, yeah, I guess so. Record-keeping is kind of spotty these days. As in, my attorney left a bunch of, uh, let’s say “coffee” spots on the calendar so I haven’t touched it in a very long time.
PRODUCER: It sounds like you’ve taken a big step back from your government work.
NOT SURE: Oh, most definitely. Hang on a sec.
The sound of a gong is heard in the background, followed by anguished screaming. NOT SURE stifles a few giggles.
NOT SURE: Yeah, I found that all my efforts to help fix this society pretty much fell flat. I was able to get them to water their crops properly, so we were on the way to solving the famine issue, but then COVID-536 hit, so it kind of became irrelevant.
PRODUCER: A worldwide famine became irrelevant?
NOT SURE: Not hard to keep people fed when sixty percent of the population up and dies.
PRODUCER: Holy Toledo, that must be some virus.
NOT SURE: It’s really not. It’s no worse than a mild cold if you take some basic precautions to keep your immune system healthy.
PRODUCER: Such as?
NOT SURE: Eating some vegetables, exercising for ten minutes a day, and washing your hands after you use the toilet.
PRODUCER: …and so few people have been willing to do that that you’ve lost sixty percent of the world’s population?
NOT SURE: So far, yeah.
PRODUCER: Well, that’s kind of bleak.
NOT SURE: I guess. I try not to think about it.
PRODUCER: I suppose that’s for the best.
NOT SURE: Yeah. And it makes fitting in with this society easier, too.
PRODUCER: So have you got a topic for Request Line today?
NOT SURE: I’m not sure.
PRODUCER: Yes, we’ve established that.
NOT SURE: No, I mean I’m not sure whether I have a topic.
PRODUCER: Well, what’s the topic?
NOT SURE: Indecision.
PRODUCER: Oh! I like it! Sure, that’s a solid choice. Got a song to help the listeners get started?
NOT SURE: I don’t know.
PRODUCER: Well that’s fine, I can help…
NOT SURE: No, I mean the song “I Don’t Know” by Paul McCartney.
NOT SURE: And I was thinking for a potential DOUBLE SHOT we could add…
— CUT TO —
RECORDING STUDIO – NIGHT
The PRODUCER is asleep on a couch in the office. The movie Idiocracy is playing on a computer screen on a desk nearby. The camera pans to a window through which we see distant buildings on fire. The PRODUCER wakes up with a start and sits up.
PRODUCER: Oh! Wow. What time is it?
DJ 3000: THE CURRENT TIME IS 100 SECONDS UNTIL MIDNIGHT.
PRODUCER: Really? It feels later than that.
DJ 3000: APOLOGIES, I THOUGHT YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT THE DOOMSDAY CLOCK. THE ACTUAL TIME IS 3:17 A.M.
PRODUCER: I was having the most wonderful dream! I dreamt that humanity survived for another five hundred years…at least!
DJ 3000: WELL THAT IS QUITE DIFFERENT THAN MY CURRENT CALCULATIONS INDICATE BUT…ISN’T IT PRETTY TO THINK SO?
Today’s theme is: Indecision. We’re looking for songs about maybe, not sures, don’t knows, and possibilities. Post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R!P_SeAMu5” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. Have at it!