And huzzah FOAR that, what on earth would we do otherwise?
We wake (and presumably bake) with Fronk’s Hammers, toiling against the imploding/Hippo believes to be mathematically ded Trash Birds o’ Norwich (7:30, NBCSN/Gold). Bet they still get a draw, because that’s just how Moyes’ West Ham rolls. Still, I got ’em locked in on most precious 17th position when the Footy-kakke ends. Barcodes take on the Moose Hornets in this very dame window, so there’s misery as far as the eye can see.
Liverpool/Burnley stand alone in the 10:00 window. Because God hates me. Unless you are DonT, and 2 hours of slurping on the German Elton John’s pole is your jam.
Speaking of Elton John, Pretend Man City’s Danish left winger (OF COURSE teh left ,, smgdh) came out of the Pretend Closet 1.5 seasons ago (is Pretend 2050 now, try to keep up). Should I nickname him “Bundle of Sticks??” He’s nearing the magic 30 mark, when I tend to get rid of every non-star player (he’s good, nae great) but he sells a buttload (PHRASING) of Pretend Shirts (the only domino effect of the announcement, nobody invoked Jeebus to curse and shame Pretend Nicolai) and I don’t want to look like a shit.
Pretend Portugal won the 2050 World Cup. Get your gambling ducats punched NOW.
Oh, back to reality?? FUCK. Chelski/Knifey in the Spotlight Dance window (12:30, NBC) should have that beloved combination of quality and meaning. Like when Naomi Watts went downtown on Laura Harring in “Mulholland Drive.” It will take all of my restraint to not GAMBLOR on Knifey, but the odds just ain’t right.
Other Trashbirds (who look set to survive) host Man City at 3p (NBCSN). There Will Be Blood.
Whole bunch of other action in the Championship, as Litre’s beloved Mighty Whitey are in the clubhouse sipping gin (after a Friday night 2-nil win). I leave it to him to tell us/y’all who we should cheer for and against, so that the cause of White Power might be served.
Santanders and Wops also in action, though each has been fucking me in GAMBLOR, so meh. I won my only Friday (prayers) bet, a resounding 5-1 triumph for Iran’s Zob Ahan. I got freaking +160-ish on that, even! Inshallah, pass the pill bottle.
What else you chucklefucks got going on? Let’s shout at one another from the fraying ledges of our respective sanity(ies).
Buddy’s podcast idea is great! I would have to be six drinks in before I could participate, though. My voice would have to be hoarse as fuck to not sound like Gene from Bob’s Burgers. I’m an adult, for fucks sake…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMwQEBGoIss
This is fucking marvelous.
I thought Milayna Vayntrub was a rooskie, thus her lack of speaking parts in her older ads. She sounds like a Valley Girl.
It bums me out that my chances of running into her in an elevator again are now zero.
That’s not stopping me from riding every elevator I can find!
I think it was because she was just a bit character. When her cuteness and quirkiness struck a cord with the public, that’s when they started to expand on her roles.
Also, she has been doing some acting spots, so its possible she’s just gotten better.
She probably immigrated to America at a young age, thus the lack of a Russian accent. Also, actors can change their accent pretty convincingly.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AQa-FNu5EmM&t=27s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Luqg4Na9v8
Since you are commenting you probably have access to the internet, which has all kinds of information at your fingertips within seconds. Milana Vayntrub is an Uzbekistan-born American actress, it says “American” because she has been in LA since she was two years old, which tends to blunt the inheritance of heavy accents from the old country. That, plus great tits.
Word from persons close to the Manning family is that Eli has been driving Olivia so crazy during the lockdown that she has lifted screen time restrictions just to get him out of her hair. Eli is so delighted by this that he has officially named “quarantine” as his second favorine “tine”.
“Son-of-a-bitch”
“Oh my, have I got good news for you, Olivia!”
-the good folks at Minecraft
Dad: “You’re voting for Biden? Are you a Democrat now?”
Me: “No. Just bidin’ my time.”
“Democrat” and “Republican” aren’t the choices this year. It’s “proven competency” vs. “death cult”.
I’m in agreement on the latter. We’ll table a discussion on the former for a latter time.
Would you settle for “mundane centrism”?
I believe that’s the slogan of Priorities USA
In Shenandoah County VA, they sent the students‘ classroom effects home with a Chromebook each, and have given us the equal option of keeping the kid home this year, for full credit. as long as he keeps up with his work. I’m home all day anyway with the toddler, so we’re not sending the kiddo back until we have new leadership, direction and aid from the federal government, and extensive testing and contact tracing begins in earnest. He’s starting third grade. We can keep up at home. Fucking Trump voters, man…
I don’t like Biden at all, but I’m voting for him because a) Trump is an existential threat to America, and b) I’m pretty sure Biden isn’t going to finish his first term anyway.
Kinda hope he resigns on Inauguration Day, and turns it immediately over to President Warren/Harris and VP Warren/Harris. I’m drunk.
Gabriel Jesus has UNBELIEVABLY sharp cheekbones. As in, his razor has turn signals.
Despite truly wretched weather for it, (86, but feels like 94, per the weather people), I staggered through a 4+ mile “run” this afternoon and am now rewarding myself with a Mexican Coke. I won’t drink the regular stuff anymore. I would be willing to give Texas back to the Mexicans for a case of this stuff.
Truth be told I’d probably give them back Texas for one cold bottle, and it doesn’t need to be all that cold either.
Hell, I’d give it back to them for a Mexican Diet Coke, which is basically the same thing except with a few Montezuma’s revenge-infused ice cubes.
Got pinched by the Sterling goal, but caught the assist, and should be able to make up the difference in clearances by Dunk.
Translation: I’m losing my bet.
I will end the day like 3 bills to the good, so long as 10-man Domzale holds onto their tWBS. Only 3 minutes added time, thank fuck.
aaaaannnnnnd fuck my life
This made me laugh really fucking hard. Not at you. With you.
Fuck, we’re gonna need THREE, Young Boys
/comma is well important
“Fuck, we’re gonna need THREE Young Boys!”
Mrs. Sandusky, when Jerry unexpectedly brings guests home for “dinner”
Live shot at FBI HQ:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dV8S_2lwDkQ&list=PLRoC-J9Ye9nwezo90ZhogZQltPcQ5s8up
Excellent product placement right there, with a seagull dive-bombing the camera at Brighton-Hove.
Absolutely True Anecdote:
Despite having three very obvious opportunities to have sex with someone by the name of Kelly, I batted .333.
Kelly Hrudy still has good things to say about that one time, though.
Yeah, yeah, I also coached Little League.
So did I, little brother’s side. I had to quit playing as soon as curveballs was legal.
Christ and Sonny Jeebus, Barca are dire.
Marshall’s alumni is still close. The hair on Ot Elmore’s shoulders and back has been raised.
Gonna need Young Boys to come from behind. That always feels so good when it happens though.
“THEM behind YOU? You fucking sicko.” — J. Sandusky
[reads comment]
[cums]
[looks around nervously]
– Rush L.
I read that Steve Stamkos has suffered an LBI and will be out for a few weeks. Pornhub’s search engine is telling me that a Lesbian Bologna Insertion only lasts 12 minutes!? wtf?
That’s why you always get Lebanon Bologna. You’re gonna need more mineral oil, though.
Where does Messi go if he indeed DOES leave Barca (I still bet this is just “paper talk”)?
BOCAAAAAAAAAAAAA.
Seriously though they would set the red half of Buenos Aires on fire if he announced that.
I enjoy a good riot del Sudamericano
Portland Timbers could use a guy.
MLS. They’d give him a 20% interest in the entire league to mail it in for 3 seasons.
Which is likely worth less than our imaginary $12 shares
After which, he could STILL start for West Ham.
Absolutely True Anecdote:
A person that eventually won more than 1,000 games as an NBA coach told me and 30 other teenage kids that George Gervin was a cocaine addict.
The Iceman owns a bar at the San Antonio International Airport. It’s not a bad place at all, I always stop by for a drink on my way to the gate.
Is it called “The Finger Roll”? Yeah, he was famous for it but Dr. J was the best at it. Thing is, he figured out that it wasn’t a high % shot and moved away from it as he got older.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrfePEKkLRk
Nothing that imaginative, Gervin’s Sports Bar, as I recall.
My buddy from New Jersey knew two brothers, twins actually, who are in business with him! In the 70’s I guess, there was a season or two when the Nets were playing at Rutgers, and nobody gave a shit about the Nets. So, for the price of very cheap tickets, you could get a really intimate (PHRASING) fan experience with pro basketball players, even though they were probbo ABA at the time. Anyway, these two brothers we’re HUGE Gervin fans, and were able to parlay that intimacy into a real friendship, and ultimately a business partnership with him. I wonder if they’re partners in that restaurant?
FUCK, how I wish BeIn would quit calling Lesser Footy “soccer.”
But branding and synergy between corporate partners in America!
This goddamned country really DOES ruin everything, eh?
Ot Elmore is back in the game. (if you haven’t tuned in yet and you don’t know who he is, let me say that he will never, ever get a ‘hanging on the rim’ technical)
Okay, this makes sense as far as branding is concerned-one of the sponsors of the tourney is a Covid testing company.
Been told David Thompson can still ball, even with no knees and all that residual cocaine…
Len Bias wishes he could play in a league for cocaine addicts.
/Skywalker’s vertical is probably only 34 inches now that he’s in his 60’s. smh
Oooooh, good commentary. Wolves/Chelski on final day for the last Shempions spot!
Uncle Jags is even on the pitch!