AFL Beat 2020 Season Round 9 / Evening Open Thread

This week…

We have just started a shitload of games in a row:

 

We had quite a few blowouts:

 

and IT’S SEXY AFL FRIDAY NEXT WEEK, BITCHES!!

 

Welcome to Balls of Steel’s AFL Beat!

 

Much like the Australian media, we don’t really have much time to reflect upon the Round That Was because there is another Round starting tonight!

Here are the results and highlights from Round Nine:

Thursday, July 30, 2020

Western Bulldogs 49 v Richmond Tigers 90 at Metricon Stadium

Blowout The First:  The Doggies played poorly and were never really in it.

Friday, July 31, 2020

Melbourne Demons 32 v Port Adelaide Power 83 at The Gabba

Blowout The Second:  The loss was so bad they’re talking about firing the Demons’ coach.

Carlton Blues 58 v Hawthorn Hawks 89 at Optus Stadium

Does winning by 31 count as a blowout?  Yeah, I’d say so.

Essendon Bombers 28 v Brisbane Lions 91 at Metricon Stadium

Blowout The Fourth and Surprise The First: I really though this game would be close.

North Melbourne Kangaroos 119 v Adelaide Crows 50 at Metricon Stadium

Blowout The Fifth: And by 69 points too…

Saturday, August 1, 2020

St. Kilda Saints 101 v Sydney Swans 48 at The Gabba

Blowout The Sixth: I can’t believe the Saints played this well. If they can only do this come finals time.

West Coast Eagles 73 v Geelong Cats 64 at Optus Stadium

The Eagles are scary good at home but the Cats led for quite a bit.  Not a bad loss at all.

Gold Coast Suns 35 v GWS Giants 61 at Metricon Stadium

Blowout The Seventh: Even with Toby Greene out of the game, the Suns couldn’t take advantage.

Sunday, August 2, 2020

Fremantle Dockers 61 v Collingwood Magpies 49 at Optus Stadium

This one came down to the last two minutes:

Here are the full-game highlights:

***

Let’s take a look at the ladder, shall we?

 

P TEAM W L T PTS %
1 Port Adelaide Power 7 2 0 28 146.0
2 Brisbane Lions 7 2 0 28 128.7
3 St. Kilda Saints 6 3 0 24 125.5
4 West Coast Eagles 6 3 0 24 114.8
5 Richmond Tigers 5 3 1 22 117.0
6 Geelong Cats 5 4 0 20 118.3
7 GWS Giants 5 4 0 20 104.5
8 Western Bulldogs 5 4 0 20 93.7
9 Essendon Bombers 5 3 0 20 88.2
10 Collingwood Magpies 4 4 1 18 111.7
11 Gold Coast Suns 4 5 0 16 101.8
12 Carlton Blues 4 5 0 16 97.6
13 Hawthorn Hawks 4 5 0 16 86.6
14 North Melbourne Kangaroos 3 6 0 12 91.8
15 Melbourne Demons 3 5 0 12 89.9
16 Fremantle Dockers 3 6 0 12 84.6
17 Sydney Swans 3 6 0 12 77.9
18 Adelaide Crows 0 9 0 0 56.7

 

 

Here is the Balls GraphTM:

Download (PDF, 219KB)

 

 

***

 

 

Footy Tipping Contest

 

Here is where we are after Round Nine:

 

P TIPPER Round
Tips
Round
Margin
Total Tips Total Margin
1 SonOfSpam 6 49 53 218
2 BFC 5 41 52 171
3 Dolph Ucker 6 37 52 227
4 Litre_cola 6 44 51 192
5 Joliet Jake Delhomme 5 54 49 293
6 BALLS 6 36 48 212
7 Sunrisesunrise 6 52 48 300
8 Yeah Right 6 26 45 230
9 BC Dick 5 41 43 211
10 WhyEaglesWhy 6 39 43 225
11 Game Time Decision 6 56 42 291
12 Reverend Mayhem 5 41 36 197
13 Maestro 6 50 34 220
14 Sharkbait 5 34 33 355

 

 

It’s now SonOfSpam all alone at the top! Congratulations to all the tippers this week as everyone got either a 5 or a 6! Besides the top spot, there was no movement elsewhere on the ladder.

With the new compressed schedule, it will be more important than ever to enter in the tips in advance.  Like now because the first game of Round Ten starts in a few hours.  As always,

DON’T FORGET TO PUT THE FOOTY TIPS IN!

 

 

***

I’ve been providing, for your advanced Tipping reference, the schedule for the next few rounds (All times Pacific). Here then are the game schedules for Round Ten to Twelve: 

 

Round Ten

Monday, August 3, 2020

2:10 AM – Port Adelaide Power v Western Bulldogs at Adelaide Oval

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

2:10 AM – Richmond Tigers v Brisbane Lions at Metricon Stadium

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

12:40 AM – Geelong Cats v North Melbourne Kangaroos at The Gabba

3:10 AM – Adelaide Crows v Melbourne Demons at Adelaide Oval

Thursday, August 6, 2020

12:40 AM – Collingwood Magpies v Sydney Swans at The Gabba

3:10 AM – Gold Coast Suns v St. Kilda Saints at Metricon Stadium

Friday, August 7, 2020

2:50 AM – Essendon Bombers v GWS Giants at Metricon Stadium

Byes: Carlton Blues, Hawthorn Hawks, Fremantle Dockers, West Coast Eagles.

 

Round Eleven

Friday, August 7, 2020

11:35 PM – Port Adelaide Power v Richmond Tigers at Adelaide Oval

Saturday, August 8, 2020

2:40 AM – Brisbane Lions v Western Bulldogs at The Gabba

10:35 PM – West Coast Eagles v Carlton Blues at Optus Stadium

Sunday, August 9, 2020

1:10 AM – North Melbourne Kangaroos v Melbourne Demons at Blundstone Arena

Monday, August 10, 2020

1:10 AM – Geelong Cats v St. Kilda Saints at The Gabba

3:40 AM – Fremantle Dockers v Hawthorn Hawks at Optus Stadium

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

2:10 AM – Adelaide Crows v Collingwood Magpies at Adelaide Oval

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

2:10 AM – Gold Coast Suns v Essendon Bombers at Metricon Stadium

Byes:  GWS Giants, Sydney Swans

 

Round Twelve

Thursday, August 13, 2020

3:10 AM – Sydney Swans v GWS Giants at Optus Stadium

Friday, August 14, 2020

2:50 AM – Geelong Cats v Port Adelaide Power at The Gabba

9:35 PM – North Melbourne Kangaroos v Brisbane Lions at Blundstone Arena

Saturday, August 15, 2020

12:10 AM – Melbourne Demons v Collingwood Magpies at The Gabba

3:10 AM – Fremantle Dockers v Carlton Blues at Optus Stadium

8:05 PM – Western Bulldogs v Adelaide Crows at Metricon Stadium

10:35 PM – St. Kilda Saints v Essendon Bombers at The Gabba

Sunday, August 16, 2020

1:10 AM – West Coast Eagles v Hawthorn Hawks at Optus Stadium

Monday, August 17, 2020

2:10 AM – Richmond Tigers v Gold Coast Suns at The Gabba

 

The postponed Essendon-Melbourne game will be made up after Round 12, but there is no schedule out yet.  

***

Without further ado, it’s

Balls’ Sechs

1- I was shocked at how badly Brisbane beat Essendon.  Something is gone wrong in Bomber-land.  They’re not the same team they were a few weeks ago. 

2- The usual suspects reasserted themselves with big wins as Richmond, Port Adelaide, and Brisbane all got blowout wins.  The Eight is starting to take shape and it will include those 3 teams.

3- The Hawthorn Hawks are not dead yet.  After a week full of controversy and speculation about Alistair Clarkson’s future, the Hawks came up with a great performance just when they needed it.

4- The Adelaide Crows are absolutely dreadful.  It was 17th place North Melbourne against 18th place Adelaide and it wasn’t even close.  This was probably their best chance to win a game this year.

5- I was pleasantly surprised how well Geelong battled West Coast in tough circumstances.  It’s weird to say it was a good loss, but it could have certainly been a lot worse. 

6- Next week’s games start right away with a big clash tonight between Port Adelaide and the Western Bulldogs.  If the Doggies lose, their season may start falling off the rails. 

***

 

That’s all for this week.  

As discussed last week, Fox Sports has the rights to the AFL in the United States while TSN has the rights in Canada and the AFL is pressuring them to have more games available on the FS1, FS2, and TSN networks. Now is the perfect chance for you to see what all the fun is about! 

Not only that,  but ESPN has jumped back into the AFL pool! They’ll be broadcasting one game per week live on an ESPN network and streaming another live on ESPN3.

You can find the latest broadcast information on the Australian Football Association of North America website here.

Here is your Round 10 live broadcast schedule with North American broadcast partner:

Round Ten

Monday, August 3, 2020

2:10 AM – Port Adelaide Power v Western Bulldogs at Adelaide Oval (FS1, TSN1)

Tuesday, August 4, 2020

2:10 AM – Richmond Tigers v Brisbane Lions at Metricon Stadium (FS1, TSN1)

Wednesday, August 5, 2020

12:40 AM – Geelong Cats v North Melbourne Kangaroos at The Gabba (FS1)

3:10 AM – Adelaide Crows v Melbourne Demons at Adelaide Oval (ESPN2)

Thursday, August 6, 2020

12:40 AM – Collingwood Magpies v Sydney Swans at The Gabba (FS1)

3:10 AM – Gold Coast Suns v St. Kilda Saints at Metricon Stadium (TSN4)

Friday, August 7, 2020

2:50 AM – Essendon Bombers v GWS Giants at Metricon Stadium (ESPN3, TSN5)

The new AFL schedule will also change the publishing times of the AFL Beat.  AFL Beat Round 10 will publish on Friday, August 7, 2020 in the Sexy Friday slot.  AFL Beat Round 11 will publish on Wednesday, August 12, 2020.  Finally, AFL Beat Round 12 will publish at the normal day/time on Tuesday, August 18, 2020.

See you next time!

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SonOfSpam

Terence Trent D’Arby should have ha’d more hit s’ongs

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I guess I picked a good week to fuck up hitting “submit” on the tipping page

SonOfSpam

Thanks to Balls posting that Lost in Translation clip below, I’ve been on a Roxy Music binge. And is Slave to Love better than anything Roxy Music did? Hard to say. Bryan Ferry was a chameleon musically and it’s tough to compare early RM with his solo “suave fuck” career. Either way, I kinda wanna dance wordlessly with a slim Euro girl, who will then leave without a word. Because I’m a bad dancer. But I will smoke a cigarette artfully on the balcony and have a second chance with a sloppy drunk Belgian chick. Does anyone know whether 80s Flemish chicks wore deodorant? Need this to be a proper flashback, even if it never happened.

SonOfSpam

Ok, time to recalibrate. Luckily I have limitless resources in this fugue.

Mr. Ayo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo

Mr. Ayo

SonOfSpam

Let’s chill with that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

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SonOfSpam

TV just died. 10-15 years old. Spent $500ish on it. Gonna replace it with a TV of similar size with SMRT features and much better everything for like $300.

TECHNOLOGY.

Doktor Zymm

Meh, TV is for suckers. Projectors are where it’s at.

SonOfSpam

Way ahead of you
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

These are great for showing “odd” pictures on your neighbors bedroom wall at 3:00 am and turning it off so they think they were dreaming it.

SonOfSpam

So I WASN’T dreaming about a Fire Island wet t-shirt contest?

Whew, what a relief.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

String puppets are very entertaining.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Reduce the cost of what you watch it on, increase the ongoing costs of the mediums to have something to watch.

Doktor Zymm

My Mazda 2 is perfectly adequate and far more reliable than any little vintage 2-seater convertible I could get up and running. But damn if I wouldn’t mind running around in one of those ’67 or ’68 convertibles

SonOfSpam

I feel the same way about my ’98 Accord with over 200k miles on it.

/sheds single tear, then realizes would totally waste being single
//drinks another Lite in prep for a long work day

Doktor Zymm

Time to spend $20 to get another 30 episodes of Get Smart. I’m pretty pissed at the creators of Rick and Morty for their value proposition.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WORTH IT!

Doktor Zymm

100%
And I’ve never watched them in order before!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Agent 99 definitely was a childhood crush

Doktor Zymm

What do you think Snowden is up to nowadays?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Looking at TikTok videos,

Mr. Ayo

Acting in enema ads

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

On TikTok.

Doktor Zymm

Wow, I’m really missing out on an anal health trend in short-form video!

Last edited 1 month ago by Doktor Zymm
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Balls; she needs a link here, I’m just going for the pun continuation.

SonOfSpam

Traitoring. It’s what he does.

Brick Meathook

Brick selfie with Bolex on Plus-X reversal, many years ago:

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Mr. Ayo

*Artist’s depiction

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m sure your mom thinks that is very special, as she should.

Brick Meathook

My mother died when I was 13

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, she WOULD have thought it was special.

Brick Meathook

fuck off

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fantasic.

SonOfSpam

Things are getting tense. I recommend weed.

And anal.

And gin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Last edited 1 month ago by Brick Meathook
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I didn’t notice the drawing for orange metallic confetti before, and now I need that.

Doktor Zymm

How do you file your confetti?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Listen; don’t rain on my parade, okay.

Doktor Zymm

Sorry, didn’t realize it was your wedding day, and isn’t it ironic?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Way to double down on that joke.

Doktor Zymm

Horrible song, horrible joke. Speaking of which, why aren’t there horrible pandemic songs that are popular now?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think those are made in Canada.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I can’t find the gif, so this will have to do.

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Mr. Ayo

1) Anal
2) Non-Anal
c: See 1 and 2

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Confetti enema ads.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

or drawer, perhaps.

Gratliff

In case of you were wondering how concerned the federal government was about foreign powers stealing data through social media apps, turns out Trump’s TikTok thing was just an attempt to strongarm ByteDance into selling it to Microsoft, presumably so they can have even more intensely targeted Windows 10 ads.

Mr. Ayo

Long live sexy Friday!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I too, find the enema ads amusing.

Brick Meathook

I have a Mac so I don’t give a shit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You obviously need something stronger, but you being backed up explains quite a bit.

Brick Meathook

Don’t hate me because I’m handsome and wealthy.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That does not enter into the equation for obvious reasons.

Doktor Zymm

It’s cute that you think it’s 20 years ago and Macs are inherently safe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

HA!

Brick Meathook

I’m inherently safe. I don’t give a shit about Tik Tok or Windows. Or Twitter.

Last edited 1 month ago by Brick Meathook
Doktor Zymm

So you have no apps on your phone and don’t go to any other website besides this one. Well done! No one is tracking you other than Apple.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

other than Apple.

Doktor Zymm

The same thing as for every internet company, targeted advertising. It depends if you think that’s concerning or not.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bills paid, any political or special interest group you support, all surfing, communications, etc., etc. Everybody can buy that data and not too many people are very secure and virtually no privacy laws, except protecting those who gather and sell the data.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

how concerned the federal government was about foreign powers stealing data through social media apps

Those are words I know, just not in that order.

Doktor Zymm

If I ever have a chauffeur and he doesn’t already have a name, I will name him Larrabee

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Bentley or Rolls? [Hippo twitches]

Doktor Zymm

If it’s between those two I’ll go with the Rolls. At least it’s not a Mercedes or a ZIL. https://www.motoringresearch.com/car-news/most-notorious-world-leaders-cars/

Doktor Zymm

I would probably go with an Airstream though, poor fuel economy, but great savings on hotels.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Wonder which on has Billy Idol on the stereo and Thin Mint crumbs under the seat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Get your work week planned.

Gratliff

I often think of how many times I nearly killed myself working in a sawmill. 5 am and moving blades is not always the smartest combination.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

[counts to ten]

Wait a minute! [counts to 21]

Doktor Zymm

I plan on selling that man a large piece of elastic

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You will have to wait until Friday and take the HRTN time machine.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

I wouldn’t mind owning a shotgun, but I would much rather own a crutchgun, or a gun cunningly hidden in a hammer, or a wrench, or have a 50 caliber machine gun in the hood of my vintage convertible with an ejector seat controlled by the cigarette lighter (not sure how this would interact with a phone charger), or perhaps a small caliber gun in a zippo-style lighter

Doktor Zymm

Not to mention the foot grenade

Brick Meathook

Remington 870 12-gauge. Best investment in America.

Gratliff

Matt Dumba again the only player on the ice to do anything in solidarity with BLM because NHL players are incredibly brave except when it might make a fan mad at them

Gratliff

Look, if we’re just gonna do prerecorded anthems for the whole thing, just alternate between Hendrix and Houston

blaxabbath

Roseanne

Dunstan

Always happy to see the Leafs lose, although in this instance that does mean a win for John Torterella.

Gratliff

I’m not sure how I ended up following so many Leafs fans on Twitter, but the agony on the timeline is exquisite

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You must really like the fall.

Dunstan

Strangely, these Leaves fall mostly in the spring.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Late freeze.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I want to drink like ten beers tonight but I will probably only drink three.

Doktor Zymm

I wanted to eat an entire Egyptian mezze and drink two bottles of wine, but I’ve only managed about 1/3 of a mezze, 1.4 bottles, and a popsicle

blaxabbath

I bought a tangerine beer. I did not care for it.

Brick Meathook

Time to break out the Bolex!

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Brick Meathook

That’s an even nicer lens. Angenieux 25mm f/0.95

Doktor Zymm

Modern TV shows are full of slackers, I’m 59 episodes into Get Smart and I’m just finishing up the 2nd season out of 5.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Doktor Zymm

Fun fact, the shortage of nylons and stockings in WW2 is what started the practice of women shaving their legs.

Doktor Zymm

Good links! Not sure where I heard it, but with the ‘liquid stockings’ apparently some women would also use a makeup pencil to draw a fake seam down the back of their legs. I also wasn’t as aware of the underarm portion, although I had a vague notion that deodorant for both sexes was popularized in the 20s, as that’s when marketing took hold and armpits became a part of the body people were aware of

Gratliff

Wonder if this was the inspiration for those stocking seam tattoos. Can’t wrap my head around that one. May as well tattoo on some pockets.

Doktor Zymm

Wasn’t aware of that, although seems better than the makeup tats

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Shortages” and other created things are great marketing tools.

Gratliff

Think the entire Leafs team just had a stroke

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It freezes right when it hits the ice.

Doktor Zymm

Nonsense, leafs dry out and crumble

Gratliff

Gamefly still trying to do the physical media subscriptions, bless their hearts

Brick Meathook

Adventures in nuking:
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Gratliff

Doug Pederson’s got the ‘Rona. Not great.

Gratliff

Was mostly referring to not wanting Doug to die, but also, the fact that we’re a long way from the teams even being in close quarters and we’ve already got fucking coaches testing positive. Doesn’t bode well for the season.

litre_cola

Open the schoolz!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I guess most people with school-aged kids are young enough to have more kids if the ones they have now die from getting sent back to school too soon.

blaxabbath

Boomers don’t need to be influencing any more generations.

Gratliff

Fortunate enough to have a school district offering full virtual options for this year. However, working for said school district, all office staff is required to be in the office full time starting next week, which seems ill-advised as our numbers are getting progressively worse.

Gratliff

Are they not doing re-seeding between rounds in this tourney? It looks like they aren’t, so you could end up with 4 vs 12 and 1 vs 8 in the first round. Very weird.

Dunstan

The NHL? According to the graphic NBC just posted, they will re-seed after the qualifying round/round robin. I think after that it’s set, though.

Gratliff

Ah, okay. Was looking at early ones that were just # vs. whoever wins, which seemed weird. Either way, I’ll be a lot happier with it than I bet Bruins fans are right now. Assuming St. Louis fans are similarly concerned.

Gratliff

Holy shit, the Red Wings only had 39 points. Fucking lol.

Don T

Bill Parcells caught Bill Walsh cheating (Wasaaaaa… Via Bob Glauber)

A24CDDD7-5596-4B58-8D12-63FEFD78A96A.jpeg
rockingdog

Bow wow

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Mr. Ayo

AVS!

Gratliff

Did they board somebody else?

Mr. Ayo

Walk off goal!

HEY! HEY! HEY!

Gratliff

Brian Burke has not aged well since leaving the league

Gratliff

I know we have Leafy types on here. How hated is he in Ontario at this point? I’ve had a soft spot for him for a long time with how he handled his kid, but goddamn were the Leafs just awful under him. Anyway,

Game Time Decision

Fuck the Leafs

litre_cola

This guy gets it.

Mr. Ayo

There are six ways to Sunday and they should all be used to screw the Leafs.

herodotus450

Blue Jackets have had players named Rick Nash and Boone Jenner on their team, and their mascot is a big gun. If that doesn’t push hockey to the mainstream I dont know what will.

herodotus450

Awfully mean of the NHL to make Tronto play in the same building where they were embarrassed by the emergency backup goalie earlier this year

yeah right

After 4 plus months of lockdown I’m going to San Diego county in a little over a week. I know the county well and I purposely picked one of the least crowded beach towns to stay in. I’ll wipe the everloving fuck out of the hotel room surfaces and I’m only seeing 3 folks. I need some serious decompression time after working every day in this insanity. I will make a point of getting a carne asada burrito.

Game Time Decision

safe travels

yeah right

Thank you.

blaxabbath

Of those three people — look to your left. Now look to your right. You just gave both those 90 year old single mothers of toddler twins the rona.

Doktor Zymm

Some jackass has a broken car alarm, but it’s not broken enough that it goes off all the time. And of course every time I walk out to the parking lot to try and ID the car it doesn’t go off.

SonOfSpam

My lifelong obsession with picking AFL games is finally paying off – I can taste that used Fleshlight already! (This “Fleshlight” is some kind of food item, yes?)

litre_cola

Saints in the finals. Bahahahaha. Oh Balls, how long we been friends?

Doktor Zymm

I can only assume it’s because I stopped wearing my St. Kilda scarf. Either that or dwarf tossing confers some sort of long-term performance enhancement during pandemics.

Dunstan

Holy fuck is this “Ultimate Tennis Showdown” thing a travesty. They’ve turned a great sport into Magic: The Gathering, what with the cards and special powers and everything.

LEAVE TENNIS ALONE!

SonOfSpam

“Please, Dunstan, do not test me with your tennis diatribes”.

-Günter Parche, brandishing something sharp.

Dunstan

Wow, that reference is a deep cut.

Gratliff

Happy to break the news that the Bruins suck shit and the Flyers are going to be the top seed

Gratliff

My son is wearing a MAGMA cap and a Vote Trump 2020 button. He’s been spat on, punched and verbally abused. I hate to think what will happen when he leaves the house.

— Humanist. (@kennuck) August 1, 2020

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Gratliff

Some good hockey happenings today

Gratliff

I say seconds before Raffl gets hurt

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

After seeing Essendon struggle to beat an 0-7 team, I am not the least bit surprised they got the shit kicked out of them by a good one. They are leaking oil like you wouldn’t believe.