I need Lamar to prove himself. Yes, I’m that fan. Yes I love him. Yes I was overjoyed at last season.
Then the motherfucking Titans came to Baltimore and blasted them right off the field. Partly because they figured out how to contain Lamar.
So Lamar is the toast of the NFL, but now that everyone has seen him, watched his film, and had the entire lockdown to figure out how to beat him – what’s going to happen?
Beats me. Trying to predict shit during a regular season is hard enough, throw in this plague and the restrictions, all bets are off. You might as well predict the size of the cockroach residing in Trump’s brain. (It’s gotta be big, and probably laying eggs.)
I think he does well, not great. I’ll 100% believe in Lamar after this season and when he wins a playoff game. That’s going to be the narrative for the next several months. I will ignore it and figure out ways to impale Cris Collinsworth on a metal pole dipped in arsenic.
Now on to the rest of the group.
I’m hoping that Willie Snead can finally fit into his role. Reports are saying that he and Lamar have completely hooked up (no homo) to create a formidable team. Chris Moore’s broken finger won’t be a big help and as of this writing, Dez Bryant is working out with the team. I think that you’re going to see lots of passing from the Ravens this season, but unlike past outings, it won’t resemble a shit volcano.
Now, here’s the rub – we also have a pretty dandy run game, but it’s getting crowded in the backfield. Mark Ingram, Gus Edwards, Justice Hill and Ravens rookie JK Dobbins. We had the same situation last year with three tight ends, but Ingram and Edwards definitely showed they are the answer, as for Hill, he could be gone at the end of training camp. JK Dobbins has been “brilliant” and “quick” in training camp – just like every other rookie the media talks about.
Speaking of running backs, Marshal Yanda retired last year and everyone in the backfield is going to miss him. I’m going to miss him because he was a fucking animal and probably will be mentioned in the same breath as J. Ogden. (I saw Ogden at the Las Vegas airport at 4 in the morning. That fucking guy blocks out the sun.)
Our first round pick, Patrick Queen has been showing flashes of brilliance in training camp. The D could use a middle linebacker that’s head and shoulders above the rest. He’s a rookie but I’m thinking he’ll see a great deal of action. I’m lobbying for him to change his last name, and I can’t believe he hasn’t done it before.
Calais Campbell – this guy is bigger than the moon and his first name will be mangled by every sports show call in dipshit for the next several months. He’ll definitely make an impression as defensive end, but he’s “old” and has to avoid injuries. Also, his last name is also a name for soup and I love soup.
When it comes to special teams, the Ravens have benefited greatly from head coach John Harbaugh’s experience as a special teams coach with the Eagles.
BULL
SHIT
Our special teams, with very few bright spots, has never even been mediocre. Yes, we had Jacoby Jones about three decades ago, but since then their has been no consistency. Right now we’ve got about five different players fielding punts in practice. Regardless of who wins the job, they will suck and I’m going to tell the Pope that John Harbaugh pleasures himself to videos of gophers being mutilated and then deep fried.
Fuck, I don’t even know if that’s a sin anymore.
A side note, the oldest Fozz Spawn works at a place frequented by Tucker. Apparently he’s super cool, “but a little weird”, according to my boy. Well, the son of a bitch sings opera and is probably one of the best kickers in NFL history. That’ an odd combination, so yeah, he’s weird. I don’t care if he’s biting the heads off box turtles, as long as he keeps it up.
This Season
I have a $100 bet with a friend that the NFL will play at least one regular season game this year. Im’ 90% confident I’m going to win that bet. The NFL is way too big, way too powerful, and way too greedy to cancel a season. Those grubby, swill sucking owners would never worry about player safety, or anyone’s safety. And their lackey won’t go against the will of his masters.
Nice! Now that Ray-Ray is gone I can situationally root for this team. I want Lamar to succeed basically because of the media, but he seems like a nice guy (not a rapist or abuser) and he is really fun to watch. The Tits had/ have his number, during their run they had some other team’s numbers too. That is a good defense, and he was frustrated when they could not execute the game plan and his go-to style was also accounted for and defensed well. We’ll see if he has the growth potential to adapt. He has already adapted and improved his passing more than I thought was doable in a year.
The thing about these “blueprints” (fuck you local Denver sports jock sniffing media) for defending or attacking a certain team is that often the “blueprint” is drafted by a team that is way better than the one trying to follow it. “All you need to do is send people and disrupt the quick passing lanes, you cover people just need to hold up against the receivers for a short time.” Well if you don’t have as as good as cover or rush people, you blueprint is going to collapse, much to the amusement of the opposition.
It’s true that Lamar! Doesn’t have the super-fun “processor speed” of DAK! Or especially Mahomes-y.
But I thought the blueprint NC State (of all teams) showed in his last JV season meant that he was a sure NFL flop.
He adjusted and proved me wrong. I think he will adjust again at the pro level, and be a very good player. Remember, it took Elway (and I am sure countless others) time to adapt to playoff FITBAW. I was reading a write-up of “The Drive” and apparently the narrative going into that match (I had forgotten) was that #7 couldn’t hack it in January.
But he does share a conference with Mahomes/Reid. Thats a mighty big obstacle.
https://www.wordhippo.com/
EDIT – Meant “super-fast” processor speed, dunno how I managed that particular autocorrect-based, phone-posting error.
What is the processor’s 40 time?
ah noe they all liek 40s but he seems MOAR gin and juice 2 me smgdh
How about the cone drill?
Great write up though
Fozz I am truly sorry for the snafu with scheduling the posts. That’s on me.
Never a problem, my friend.
Well, thanks to the Chefs, your friend owes you $100.
I call that a reverse andy reid
Reverse Andy Reid; vomiting.