The D of S, Cerchio Due

Place: Just outside the Castle of Limbo

Time: A few minutes after TWBS and BALLS leave the Castle of Limbo.

TWBS and BALLS are walking away from the castle and down a dark slope

TWBS: So, he was an asshole, right?

BALLS: Listen, I’ll grant you that I prefer Euclid, but that doesn’t mean you should call Plato a cocksucker!

TWBS: No one tells me I’M wrong!

BALLS: Ain’t that the truth. It’s nice to see nothing’s changed with you.

TWBS: That sounds like a putdown.

BALLS: No. Never. Never. What about I put on a song?

Balls shoots a finger gun in the air and the two of them can hear this song:

TWBS: That’s a cheery little number.

BALLS: It’s appropriate for where we’re going.

As they are turn a corner, they see long line of naked people in front of a man sitting down next to a rock

MINOS (scratching his balls): NEXT!

TWBS: This is bullshit! We have to stand in line?!? This IS hell!

BALLS: Shut up!

MINOS (pointing to TWBS and Balls): YOU TWO! GET OVER HERE NOW!

TWBS: That’s more like it!

BALLS (shaking his head): Dumbass!

Balls and TWBS skip the line and move past the throng of lost souls waiting for their turn. The people hurl insults at them as they pass by.

TWBS: Oh yeah? And YOUR mother sucks cocks in hell! Oh wait, Imma go see her right now!

BALLS: Dude, are you EVER going to stop picking fights?

TWBS: Did you hear what he said?

BALLS: Does it matter?

TWBS: Dude, I think I recognized that voice! I’m pretty sure he was a telemarketer!

BALLS: Cable company?

TWBS: Nah, I think it was for some bullshit insurance scam.

Minos appears before them and speaks directly to TWBS.

MINOS: ASSWIPE, TELL ME YOUR SINS!

TWBS: Well, that’s just rude.

BALLS (to TWBS): Shut up. (to Minos): Do you have to shout? You know why we’re here. Let us through.

MINOS: He must confess his sins so I can pass judgment.

BALLS: You know this one is special. Sometimes little school bus special, but special nonetheless. The Powers That Be have willed that he pass without your judgment.

TWBS: Hey!

BALLS and MINOS: SHUT UP!

MINOS: Fine. But you, asswipe, watch your ass in there. Be careful how you enter and who you trust. It’s easy to get in, but that’s about it!

TWBS: So, you pass judgment on people, huh?

MINOS: Yeah, why?

TWBS: What does that mean?

MINOS: That means I decide which level of hell they go to. Are you sure you don’t want to tell me your sins? I’d LOVE to tell you where to fuck off to!

BALLS: Not yet!

TWBS (turns towards Balls): What the fuck does THAT mean?

BALLS: Well…. You can still fuck this up is all I’m saying.

TWBS (to Balls): Nice faith in me, asshole. (to Minos): Hey, so where do you send the telemarketers?

MINOS: Were you a telemarketer?

TWBS: Fuck no! But that little assbucket (points to the naked man he picked a fight with before) was one!

MINOS (eyeing the telemarketing asshole): Duly noted. Thanks asswipe! Now get moving.

Minos steps aside and lets the duo through. Balls has to push TWBS along as he wants to keep trying to find out which level of hell telemarketers go to. They continue walking down the dark path until they could hardly see in front of them. A cacophony of screams has drowned out any other sounds. A fierce wind hits their faces and threatens to blow them off their feet.

TWBS: Dude, what did he mean when he said I need to watch my ass? I’m beginning to not like this little hike you’ve taken me on.

BALLS If anything, he was backing up what I told you earlier.

TWBS: Which was?

BALLS: Really? I’m trying to help your ass and you can’t be bothered to remember one thing I’ve said?

TWBS: It’s not that. It’s just… This is getting bad and I’m…

BALLS: Dude. Relax. I’ve got you. Just remember that anything stupid you do down here can have grave consequences for you.

TWBS: That’s very reassuring. Thank you very much. Asshole.

As they walk along, TWBS sees souls of people being swept along by the fierce winds to and fro crashing into the walls and the ground and then being swept up again. Like that plastic bag video but much faster, on fire, and in great pain.

TWBS: Who are these people?

BALLS: Ah! You might be familiar with a lot of these folks. These are the people that were consumed with lust and surrendered their reason and lives to pursue carnal desires.

TWBS: So, sluts?

BALLS: Don’t slut-shame! But sort of. This is beyond slutty behaviour. This is Houston 500 24/7 territory.

TWBS: Who the fuck would be down here that I know? Oh shit, there’s Australian Nazi!

BALLS: Really? I would have expected her to be further down. I guess she must have sucked Minos’ cock really well…

TWBS: Um… I wouldn’t know…. I don’t hook up with Nazis…

BALLS (patting him on the shoulder): Sure, buddy, sure!

Balls points out several historical figures like Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, and Anna Nicole Smith.

TWBS: Is that Dido? That one song was pretty good!

BALLS: Not the same one.

TWBS: Just as well. She ain’t no Green Day, amirite?

BALLS (ignoring TWBS’ hi-five attempt): No, definitely no Green Day.

TWBS: Hey, who are those two that are flying together all the time?

BALLS: That’s Francesca

TWBS (excitedly): Le?!?

BALLS: Not the same one. The guy is Paolo. Long story short, she was married to his brother, they fell in love, the brother discovered the affair and killed them both. While they were banging.

TWBS: Yikes! What a way to go.

BALLS: We may see the brother later.

TWBS: You mind if I talk to them?

BALLS: I forget that you’re a talker. Yeah, sure. Go for it.

TWBS walks up to Francesca and Paolo and strikes up a conversation. As they tell their tale of love, TWBS gets progressively sadder and sadder. After about ten minutes, he turns and heads back towards Balls

BALLS: You ok?

TWBS: Dude, that’s the saddest thing I’ve heard. I feel so bad for them. This place sucks!

BALLS: Well, it IS called hell for a reason.

TWBS: Dude, I don’t feel good. I think Imma going to….

TWBS faints at Balls’ feet. Balls looks down at him with pity. Then he pulls out a Sharpie and draws a dick on each cheek complete with hairy balls and a stream of cum coming out of both dicks towards his mouth. It’s a work of art.

BALLS (to himself): I told him not to be a pussy…

Balls reaches down and picks TWBS up. He carries him away from the wind and the screaming and the flying souls into the Third Circle of Hell.

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Senor Weaselo

I’m imagining how Paradiso will go, and tWBS is totally going to start cursing out the three circles with the form of Christ at the end.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Some of this stuff people pay high prices for.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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That’s a good deal.

Viva La Tabula Raza

What’s the web address?
—Wile E. Coyote

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I am basically just plain bologna because MEH, which packaged meat are you?

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Fronkenshteen

Head Cheese. Because I like both of those things.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Good work people!! Excellent. I think the outlier would be Luxury Loaf…. Mr. Hippo?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Literally was about to write “who the fuck likes olive loaf” when I saw this.

I’m hard salami for so many reasons.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

ROCK HARD!!

Even as a kid the one I didn’t really like was the regular bologna.

Game Time Decision

Cooked ham as there are some good parts in there, but now I’m mostly fat and it’s the palest of the ones listed which is closest to my translucent skin coloUr

Brick Meathook

Luxury Loaf, because that’s how the Brickster rolls.

Gumbygirl

I’d say I’m Picnic Loaf, because I am a champion loafer, and it’s always a picnic to be around me! And fuck anyone who doesn’t agree! See what I mean? I am a goddamn pleasure to be with!

nomonkeyfun

Holy shit. I was just on a massive Zoom call for work. A get to know me session with a new Dean. Some guy unmutes himself and says “It happened when she was trying to blow Kanye West.”
115 people on the call.

Last edited 2 months ago by nomonkeyfun
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I would say “NICE!” but it was only 34.5.

Senor Weaselo

Well, you won’t see him no more.

Don T

Too good, Balls. 🏆

TheRevanchist

Better than one good ball.

LemonJello

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litre_cola

I totally can see this journey happening.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Creepy robobear.

JimU

RIP Gale Sayers.

6BC3B0CC-B082-45C3-9B53-81A4A87F8CEF.jpeg
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yep.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I know the arguments of durability/ career length for HoFer, but I think there is room for players that define the position, poetry in motion thing, very few should have this and he is one.

Brick Meathook

I thought he died in 1969

Viva La Tabula Raza

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Gumbygirl

Now they will show that movie, and all of you tough guys can have a good cry. Catharsis!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Always did like the Godfather “Sonny” death from Jimmy Caan.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Brings to mind; which actor has been killed the most in movies and TV (The Kenny Award).

https://www.imdb.com/list/ls020977832/
Is different from
https://atomtickets.com/movie-news/actor-killed-the-most-times-in-movies/
…..
https://www.slashfilm.com/which-actor-dies-the-most-on-screen/

Viva La Tabula Raza

Any black actor in a 1960s western or action film.

Gumbygirl

And any crew member in a red shirt on Star Trek.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’ve feared toll booths ever since. Thank Christ for E-Z-Pass.