I still stand by my decision to turn the teevee off Thursday night. But, oh how I enjoyed some Friday morning schadenfreude. Yeah, the “uber-smart” G.O.A.T. (Fucker)…forgot what down it was during the final, failed drive. But what that funny little moment really did, to my mind?
Illustrate the insidiousness of White Male Privilege- of which MRSA Dreamboat is Exhibit A.
I would say a slight majority of articles didn’t even mention the obvious brain fart. Of the ones that did? Heavy caveats regarding his elderly white coach saying “of course he knew the last play was already 4th down.”
I don’t watch ESPN for not-live-sportsball, but one can easily imagine what that was like, let alone sports talk radio.
Wanna bet whether Lamar! would receive the same – or ANY – benefit of the doubt?
We’ve gotten better about acknowledging that the leading QBs of this generation – Mahomes, Dak!, Wilson…all have super fast processing brains, which sets them apart from their peers. Not the old “gosh golly, imagine him playing WR” or some shit.
But being a white guy is still a pretty sweet deal. Like the (now disgraced) Louis CK said – I’m a white MAN – you can’t even hurt my FEELINGS! And anyone – regardless of political stripe – who doesn’t admit this privilege is still a thing? TOTAL FUCKING ASSHOLE.
And actually, I’m not that broken up about this international break, because (1) My kid has a socially-distanced choir performance in Greenville (so I miss most of the sportsball day); and (2) Extra week of Everton atop the Premiership Table WOO!!!!!!!!
Meanwhile, there is this to watch and Hail GAMBLOR upon…
NC State (+7) at Virginia (Noon, ACCN)
Haven’t decided whether to DVR this, or listen to as much as I can on the car radio. Meh, the Wolven Sort exceeded expectations last week, so the shart is inevitably on its way. Link to my State/UVA footy memories!
Florida (-5) at Texas A&M (Noon, ESPN)
Will Bonfire Cult have a decent amount of its membership in the stadium? If so, this line seems excessive. TAMU looked ass-y last week, but Roll Damn Tide will do that to one. We shall see.
Texas (+3) at Oklahoma (Noon, Fox)
Since the State Fair will…not be in full swing, does the Red River Shootout just fade into The Steerfucker Classic?
Tennessee (+12.5) at Georgia (3:30, CBS)
Ah, everyone is back on the Dawgs bandwagon. I still don’t see it. Even Nick Saban has started to value the quartered back position. Yeah, looks like I am dying on this hill. Pretty sure this fixture was the setting for that whackadoo “multiple Hail Marys” ending a few years back. Somebody find a video??
Texas Tech (+11.5) at Iowa State (3:30, ABC)
The Inevitable Hangover Bowl, with Cornpone State having dispatched Steerfuckers North last Saturday. I’d call it a coin toss, unless you think the ghosts of Ames are worth two scores.
Miami (+15) at Clemson (7:30, ABC)
On the other hand, I am fully on board with this being a likely murder. Da U still has waaaaayyyyyy more to prove, and it won’t start tonight. Can’t bet a number that big, though.
Alabama (+23) at Ole Miss (7:30, ESPN)
What kind of line do you get when Nick Saban hates you, personally (unlike how he default hates all humans who interrupt his watching of tape)? MOAR than 3 TDs. On the road. I enjoy laughter.
Tex-Okies STILL not over!
My bad, coach.
Also,
PRAISE SHA’NKLOR
SHANKEROO!!!!!!!
— B. Walsh
Who’s in charge of these camera angles/shots of the crowd, Brent Musberger?
#Big12Refs
On S3 of Fargo and oh shit
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96FY6aIKUXE
Also good to see Shea Wigham playing a cop for a change
S3 coulda been the greatest, coulda been a contender for me if not for the weird mouth shots and sounds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0nYnVPba4g&ab_channel=UtahDivisionofWildlifeResources
“Uhh hello, Mr. Jones? Remember the success you had the last time you hired an Oklahoma football coach? Anyway, just call me back when you get this”
-Random voicemail from Lincoln R.
The Big 12 Minus Two is… not great.
Texas-Okies NOT over yet!
This is a great tilt. Gus makes it better.
Okie getting all fancy cute with the end around. Fuckballs. Just bury them Textards.
Can offensive players get called for targeting if they hypothetically lower their head or some such? Seems only fair.
Okie looking for chunk plays according to Gus. Have they thought about pretending to vomit from a balcony?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5UG7ISJfP0&ab_channel=SteamPictures
Pressing buttons on upwards of 4 machines to do manual labor for me today has been tough; time for a reward drink.
/Presses button on Drink Machine
//Wife doesn’t appreciate that
///Wife is just a broom with a wig on top
////And a curly wig in the middle somewhere
[sees that herodotus’ wife is just a broom with a wig on top]
[sweeps left and right]
“You’ve got a match!”
-Tinder
[lights match] “Oh shit, what do I do now?”
“Put it down. No, no don’t do that! Uh, uh, blow it out? Yeah, blow it out!”
-Smokey The Bear, trying to navigate the Kobayashi Maru
Oak from Homa kicking Texas ass.
Spencer Rattler, After Being Pulled From The Game And Put Back In After Halftime:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a7m76PZ_ZZY&ab_channel=Pachuco%27sArt%2FTheDesertWhisperer
Red River Shootout outcome still in doubt. No idea who will raise “THE BLOODY SWORD” at the end of the game.
Boomer Sooner just took a timeout with 15:00 on the clock in the 3rd Q. That is some dumb shit there.
Being half white (mom) and Latino (dad), is a funny thing. In most people you can see it. Not in me. So I see the privilege.
Plus, growing up on military bases overseas and then coming to the US is a culture shock. People are dicks and racist as hell here.
As a Canadian that is half Scottish and half Ukrainian, I must agree with you that the U.S. is racist as fuck.
Haggis perogies legit sound delicious.
That’s quite the coincidence, “Haggis Perogies” is the name of my Big Country/Gapochka punk country band.
As an American that is half Irish and half Ukrainian, I would like to agree and also add Ukraine to that list and also that I would very much like to see the Canadian collaborator monument torn down
Good friend of mine is full Mexican-American, he was married to a gringa for a few years. Their son was accepted to ASU in Tempe, right when AZ passed the “Papers please” rules some years ago. Even though his entire family insisted that Cameron could “pass,” Mike refused to send either his son or his money to AZ.
The saddest thing is his son has turned into a full blown Trumpista, just like the ex-wife and all of his grandparents. I feel bad for my friend.
Nobody tell TheRevanchist about Turkey or the ethnic group formerly known as the Kurds.
What is Turkey’s position on the Whey’s?
I believe they prefer them basted onto some slowly, sloooowly rotating meat piles.
I know. I listen to NPR
“Sillycuse is the worst 1-2 team in college football.” CHANGE MY MIND!
College football is still a thing? Is Horatio still railing about UConn?
He is still heart broken about the Damn Yankees.
He’s still ‘railing’ but it has nothing to do with UConn.
I hate all of you so much.
Spencer Rattler benched in favor of, let’s see… Connor Mongoose? Should’ve seen that one coming.
Banacakes catch in Red River PewPew.
He Edelman’d it.
Speaking of interrupting the proceedings-here’s my story:
It was January 20th, 1991. I can’t remember the reason why, but our bar was having our Christmas party quite late, which consisted of a day on the slopes, dinner and one of those Mystery Evenings where you have to identify the killer after talking to all the actors.
That day the Giants were playing the Niners in the NFC Championship game. I ordinarily would have skipped the party because I was a hardcore fan back then but I was dating a waitress (her oral skills have never been matched, btw) that made it plain that she wanted to go. I rationalized to myself, “it’s the fricken’ Niners, they’re going for the threepeat and there’s no way they’ll lose at home, Walsh is gonna dial up a gameplan and the Giants are toast anyway”.
A fellow bartender that was also a Giants fan found a payphone (remember those?) and called a buddy to find out the score. He made his way to my seat and whispered in my ear, “the Giants won, 15-13”. I looked up at him, “No?!”. He nodded ‘yes’ and smiled so that I knew he wasn’t fucking with me.
Now keep in mind that there are at least 60 people (management, fellow employees and their family members) in attendance, listening intently to the host of the Mystery Night explaining how this part of the evening should unfold. I was so shocked about the result I stood up from my chair and started yelling, (I was a few beers in as well) “OH MY FUCKING GOD, THE GIANTS WON! I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE IT! HOLY SHIT, THEY DID IT. JESUS CHRIST! IT’S A FUCKING MIRACLE!!!!!” It was then that my buddy grabbed me and pushed me into a nearby stairwell where we high-fived each other and shared our disbelief. We walked out 5 minutes later to daggers from just about everyone.*
*there was no blowjob that night
Dang. thought you were going to kill another hobo.
Tell me more about the waitress.
She enlisted in Toastmasters early in the 80s. Honed her craft and was doing audiobooks by 95 if I understand the story correctly.
She must have been a fantastic skater because her Figure Eights were amazing.
Sounds like marriage material.
The CEO of a small software company (where she started out as a technical writer) is in agreement.
“one of those Mystery Evenings where you have to identify the killer”
Scotchy. It was Scotchy.
“In the Northern Ontario with the Beaver Tail!”
My morning cricket has been a double header. I’m drinking my tea with the pinky fully extended.
“Bring me Tom Herman’s Head on a silver platter.”
-90s TV afficianado and Biblephile Texas booster
Red River pew pew has been nutso.
Red River? Both D’s are on their period, amirite?
It’s 2020 and I’m still hearing a baseball announcer bemoan the lack of “productive outs.”
The fucking NFL is run by octogenarian assholes who still aren’t sure about this business of lady reporters, and yet their actual broadcasts aren’t permanently stuck in the past. Even Phil Simms isn’t whining about how nobody lines up in the pro set any more. But baseball still thinks that it’s good to have color commentators who are decades behind modern strategy, as long as they “played the game,” of course. No wonder I hardly even watch baseball any more.
So now with the Michigan state Supreme Court killing the state of emergency and undoing a bunch of EO’s from the last 6 months, the death cult has reared its ugly head again. The leaders of both Chambers of the state legislature (both GOP-held) have come out and openly supported a herd immunity strategy. Just the worst, dumbest motherfuckers get to be state lawmakers.
I’m good with herd immunity* just nawt when about 2% of the population has had it
*Thinking vaccine, not getting it
The leader of the state Senate Literally said it’s gonna spread and we can’t stop it so we should just let it happen. Just a hell of a statement to put your name on.
Hmm it sounds like Gratliff is advocating someone out there go do something about those clowns in (Michigan) congress. Maybe give them a good nap… kid.
Dunno if this is a big national story or not, but we did have a local sheriff who was on stage during one of their rallies argue that they were probably just thinking about doing a citizens arrest on her. He was also quoted a bunch by conservative rags during the initial lockdown because he was refusing to enforce anything, so he may just be trying to do a Sheriff Joe.
https://nypost.com/2020/10/10/michigan-sheriff-militia-plot-may-have-aimed-at-arresting-gov/
Also, just a perfect name-face combo
Bobby Knight said the same thing.
“Herd immunity” is more or less equivalent to “giving up.”
(Yeah, technically, you can take your most vulnerable 1-5% and put them on total lockdown, and only give up on the other 94-99%. It still rounds up to “giving up.”)
One of these dung heaps from the Big 12 making the playoff would be the biggest disappointment since my son.
Narrowed down who you really are to Tony Dungy or Andy Reid.
Some senile old Vietnam vets make up a story about John Kerry: tanks his presidential campaign.
The entire military turning on Trump, who bought his way out of the draft and calls KIA/POWs losers: probably no effect.
The right doesn’t actually give a shit about “the troops,” except when they’re out there killin’ people so that the folks at home can feel tough and bust out a chorus of “America! Fuck Yeah!”
(And no, I’m not saying that the left has nothing but love for the military. But nobody pretends otherwise.)
“the troops” are a prop and nothing else for the right.
Lookit yeeeewwwww, Wolven Sort!!
“Offense is just language.”
Getting veritably metaphysical in this football talkin’ broadcast apparently.
I just read this morning that Matt Murray’s generous contract has helped immensely in the Senators trying to reach the cap spending floor. That’s just smart money management!
Signing contracts with high Cap-hit-to-real-money-paid ratios? Gonna be hearing from Arizona’s lawyers about copyright infringement on that one.
Also I haerd Kyle Turris is back on the market. That actually makes Ottawa look smrt for dumping him when they did.
You sleeping with his wife again? Will you never learn?
found a funny:
A child: what’s that?
Me holding an oreo milkshake: it’s spicy you won’t like it.
related-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXGOg-pyxGg&ab_channel=GoodMorningAmerica
Wife and I do that all the time!!!
Okie up 10-0.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0nYnVPba4g&ab_channel=UtahDivisionofWildlifeResources
Does anyone else buy Deceptosnacks? They’re the snackies that you buy and put in the regular spot so that your special snacks in their hiding places never get discovered?
I have car snaxx in the glove box. Car beers are under the passenger seat, they stay cool in the summer down there.
No need for me. The rest of my household hates anything with flavour or heat, so I just make sure its one of those and then I no longer need to remember where I hid stuff
I do have ML bet on Mizzou, because am nae a smrt Hippo.
WHAT A THROW AND CATCH WOLVEN SORT WOO!!!!
/don’t fuck us over, JV VAR
JV VAR did fuck us! – Wolven Ron H., narrator
AND THEN THE 51-yard FG HIT THE CROSSBAR AND BOUNCED BACK
In my head all Hippo’s yelling is taking place during the choir performance and disrupting the proceedings.
Me: “You want to get stoned and go to a brewery?”
BC Dick: “Is this your 1st day?”
And eat Mexican snacks!
Oh yes that will happen after Thanksgiving dinner tonight.
Announcer: “Please take a moment to reflect on our unity, regardless of our differences.”
Okie Crowd: [light grumbling]
Dare I watch Sillycuse/Duke? Is there enough alcohol? [takes quick inventory] Yes, yes there is.
THAT’S GOOD HUSTLE
I’ll have to switch back and forth from Tex/Okie because Gus Johnson.
8:20 am. Really want some breakfast wine while watching the AFL game. I would even take a Radler!
I’m still obsessed with the name Spencer Rattler. Someday it might challenged John David Booty for a spot in the top 5.
Jim Bob Cooter would like a word.
However, this remains perhaps the best song of the entire 1990s:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgqLAlFKtXA
Down the Soundgarden wormhole I goes, waiting for my bet to officially fail (like me in general, where REEL LYF is concerned). Always felt this was an underrated track:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzPr8iDB8gk
Jonkopings Sodra have a 2nd, THANK YOU ghost of fellow heroine enthusiast!!!
Name one thing better than getting a 74th minute goal in the Swedish Superettan fixture you went all in upon YOU CAN’T!!!11111
/also, anytime I Hail GAMBLOR in the Superettan, methinks they should use this FOAR league anthem:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AwdjreJKggg
OF GODDAMNED COURSE THEY CONCEDED EQUALIZER AS I TYPED THIS
They should know by now you can’t give Denzel Washington any open space. smh
Well fuck. Time to eat edibles all day at the inlaws. At least BC Dick is here. Curling update, no fall season. Perhaps he will be back in Jan.
I’m not the biggest reggaetón fan. But gimme a good dancehall beat and playful filth and I’ll fly.
https://youtube.com/watch?v=fejSOSPEtN8
I had a bidness call scheduled for 40 minutes ago. Guy’s yet to call.
Better delay the beer breakfast* for another hour.
* Works either way, celebratory OR sad-sacky.
People are the worst, but especially shit clients.
I’ve got a business owner that semi-regularly turns his phone off during business hours. Twenty + years of experience tells me he’s going under in early 2021.