Oh my cats, y’all.  There be some sportsball today.  Our hobo relocatoUr Imaginary Friend will bring glad tidings of NFL triple-header (for once, Good Jerb, Shield), but don’t forget the Lesser Reason FOAR the Season!

Foxes and Red Devils is a tasty early treat (7:30, NBCSN).  These might be the two “wildest variance” sides in the Premiership, so Bananapuddings is very, very plausible.  Ole put Everton out of Cursed Caribou at mid-week, but I still hate Rodgers waaaaayyyyyy to much to root against Wakey’s squadron.

For I believe the first time all season, we have multiple games in the 10:00 window.  Remember pre-Plague, when they’d cram 4 or 5 into this slot (PHRASING)?  Anyway, the dire Villa/Palace fixture (NBCSN) somehow gets the teevee box, while you have to stream Mighty Whitey (Peacock) hopefully taking Saints down a few pegs.  God I hate those motherfuckers.  Match is at the Cottage, so I expect Litre’s lot to do a good.  FOAR humanity.

Spotlight Dance is proper, with a London Derby on hand (12:30, NBC) – Arsenal hosting Chelski.  This also features our considerable Gooner contingent against rockingdog for Clubhouse bragging rights.  Come on, ain’t nobody want to primarily watch MRSA Dreamboat!

You get two “late” games as well – a City/Barcodes snuff film (3:00, NBCSN) and Bored to Death With King Hippo! Toffees away to Team Knifey (3:00, Peacock).  I predicted nil-nil on the Everton interwebs, and am sticking with it.  Richarlison got concussed on a dirty play by United, and Dominic Calvert-Lewin is knackered (as the Brits say).  Him-ez is still out injured, so no fucking clue where any goals might come from.  Yes, that is the legendary Kruger Adams D***s, pictured above.

The JV Exhibitions have been even MOAR dreadful than usual, but what the fuck, here’s what today has in store anyway:

Scooping Up JFK’s Brain Matter Bowl – Louisiana (-14) v. Texas-San Antonio (3:30, ABC)

National broadcasts like this are a great argument in favoUr of keeping one’s cable subscription.

Payday Lending Bowl – Western Kentucky (+3.5) v. Georgia State (3:30, ESPN)

Somehow, the fixture sending kids on a “reward” trip to fucking Mobile, Alabama is one that did NOT get cancelled.  I am not sure that either of these schools really has a FITBAW squadron, anyway.

Charlotte Sometimes Emo Bowl – Liberty (+7) v. Coastal Carolina (7:30, ESPN)

Now this one, maybe I flip to a little bit.  Without the Fightin’ Falwells’ one loss on the season (Wolven Sort WOO!!!!!!!!!), these two would be squaring off for perfection and a Top Ten finish.  Lord knows, we are all rooting for the Chanticleers…but you remember what year this is, yeah?  Moneyline the Falwells.