For a big game it doesn’t get much smaller than this. But hey, if a 3-7 Mississippi State football team can play in a bowl game then why can’t a desperately underachieving NFC East squadoo sully the good name of “the NFL Playoffs”? I see no reason, your case is dismissed and court is adjourned. [thinks to self, “That oughta please all those lawyer types out there.”]
TO THE GAME!
Team/Eagles:
-If Team had even slightly below-average qb play this year they wouldn’t be in this mess.
-I guess Alex Smith being able to start can be construed as good news although his PFF passer rating comes in at 31st among 38 qualifying tossers. Still, better than a bottle of Taylor Heinicke, right?
-A league-leading 67% of Smith’s passes are thrown short of the 1st down marker. I mean, I hate to pile on but Jeezuz that’s lousy. “He ain’t take any chances at all!”
-Hurts’ rushing attempts have decreased from 18 to 11 to 9 in the last three weeks but you’d think he’s have to reverse that trend if the Eagles plan on winning.
-Overall, an effective run game is needed to effectively sell play-action against Team’s nasty, pressurizing D.
-Missing in action for Philly is Cox, Sanders, Goedert, Barnett and Mailata. For Washington, Gibson and McLaurin are questionable.
-The absence of Mailata is a big one for the Eagles. It would seem that as a left guard he’ll be replaced by first-time starter Brent Toth. He’ll be facing-you guessed it-Chase Young all game long.
-Go Eagles! (just this one time and nevermind if the Giants blew it earlier today)
Praise be unto you all. Or something like that.
Adam Gase fired, welcome to 2021!
May that be a trend for all things dealing with incompetent assholes.
incompetent? yes
asshole? eh i don’t recall him doing anything particularly shitty
Well, his weird-ass eyes make me uncomfortbale.
LOOK NORMAL YOU ABUSIVE BASTARD.
Really, Nazareth’s version? For fuck sake, at least play the original hit version by the Everly Brothers.
But they aint foolin me
Cute bumper music choice.
I’m reading the transcript to Trump’s call to Georgia to find votes. My God, a glimpse into a mind is like taking a peak inside the Ark of the Covenant.
This country is fucked solely based on the population of americans that think that’s fine because it’s “their guy”
January 6, 2021 will be the most shameful day in the history of the United States government.
…and THAT’S saying something!
MAGA: He says out loud what I think!
Sane person: Kill yourself.
That basically describes dinners with my family. I just adopted the line “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Throw a TD to Fulgham. I dare you.
Don’t some of these Eagles have performance incentives in their contracts they need to fulfill to get extra bonuses this season?
They probably gave up on those when Wentz started sucking week 6
Was that a photo of the Heisman Ceremony or the Player Haters Ball?
yes
Iggles O-line gonna get Hurts killed.
Hurt line Hurts Out of Hunt Hurts chance at Hertz Ad!
Premature slide
It’s good that Fulgham just decided to step out of bounds with no defender within 20 yards of him. OH GOOOOD!!! THE CURTAINS ARE ON FIRE!!
Fuck it, bring back Ronnie Brown and go full wildcat next year, let’s go crazy.
Does that receiver have a broken leg or something?
That was the most half ass reception I have ever seen.
trickeration. (Doesn’t deserve all caps)
Aw, he seems like a nice enough kid, don’t go comparing him to Ray Lewis
Does Chase Young have a white suit? If so, I understand the resemblance.
Chase Young might be the illegitimate child of Forest Whitaker. You can see it in the eyes.
Fast Times Whitaker or Ghost Dog Whitaker?
Rogue One Whitaker.
Jingle Jangle Whitaker
This game is like rooting for which trailer park mom ends up with Darrell from Englund Trucking
It’s a lot easier to fill in the clue now:
Washington Football team player, 7 letters, starts with H, ends with kins
Huskins!
The Gang Mails It In
This is our fault for putting our hopes in Philadelphia.
They’re only good at destroying their own people
And hitchhiking robots.
“Riverboat Ron and The No Name Team” sounds like the name of the cover band playing at a casino buffet in Vicksburg MS.
FREEBIRD!!
FIREBIRD!!! – T. Haley, O Coordinator Riverview High (srsly)
Surprised Hurts is more rushing than McNabb or Cunningham
2021 regular season rivals, including 17th game. ?
Eagles get the Jests in the same shape battle, they will lose.
This is the manifesto of a serial killer.
A serial killer who uses powerpoint
Don’t they all, I thought it was a symptom of their madness?
Look who downloaded Visio shapes
Quadrilaterals play each other every time the year is divisible by a prime number. Regular polygons never play each other in leap years, unless Easter is in April. Speech bubble teams have to trade uniforms when they play.
I like that TEN and NOLA are irregular blobs
Bold choice over the normal cloud shape
So Cincinnati and San Francisco are paper going through the rollers in a printer?
Young Kellyanne Conway says Seth Rich was murdered and Keith Olbermann is hottttt
It’ll be nice to see Alex Smith get his leg ripped off on a “questionable” play by Suh next week.
McLovin TD! (Philly should be quintuple-teaming him)
Any reason for the Iggles not to be mailing this in?
Dacteds hate?
I mean sure but
Players gonna play.
My gambling believes that they will.
Get a few rounds in and my gambling believes damn near anything
looks like u rite
It’s Flamethrower Night?
Nice to see McKissic doing well. He couldn’t get any reps for Seattle
Alex Smith is like Steve Austin if the Six Million Dollar Man sucked
https://youtu.be/EoKwX5fLJ5E
Alex Smith has the risk assessment skills of the average American
VACCINES CAUSE AUTISM
Alex Smith somehow emerging from 17 surgeries to be able to check down for 7 yards. It truly is a miracle
A true miracle would be Smith running a 2-minute offense in less than 3.
Nothing like the Red Zone channel sitting dormant now for 8 months
You are going to send Hippo back to the pill box.
“The pill box” is what Hippo calls his house.
Darby is the 8th DB on PFF, GTFO, he is trash. Howevah, the Eagles receivers are worse.
nerve, The
Those’ll be shipped to San Juan after the next hurricane.
More absorbent than Bounty!
You seriously are surprised?!?
These Chicago Bears, I like to call them Hunter Biden, they fail up and Fox loves to trash them.
So walk me through the LOLest outcome again…
Philly lose give us a 6-10 playoff team, but a tie gives us a 6-9-1 playoff team and a two tie team.
Nice
Let’s McNabb it!
It is not clear to me why this Washington squadron is simply called “the Football Team”. The prominent statesmen in that city could surely come up with a better name. Why not select a name that honors the original inhabitants of the region? A team named after those brutes would certainly intimidate any opposition.
Mosquitoes?
Overconfident Interns?
Washington Stained Dresses?
Swamp Things?
“The Senators” would be a good team name
Or maybe “The Generals”
I read this as Genitals.
Whenever the Oshawa Generals hockey team is mentioned, I hear “no washin’ my genitals”.
If we name them the Trumps, will he simply walk away and leave America alone?
They are most likely not going to go with my suggestion of “ The Hessians”
Gotta root for Riverboat Ron
Beat the Birds like it’s cancer
And now!…..Chase Young’s “Official Death Of Phrasing” national coming out party! Starring: Jerry Sandusky! With musical guest: Diana Ross!
For the last time…I spell it with a “G”
All this great football and now its time for the Special Olympics.
You get the +1 now, but if you continue to insult the Special Olympics by comparing them to the NFC East, you’ll get five across the eyes!
So, as much as I want them to win, do the Eagles have any real motivation to play well here? Other than that always-on competitive go 1-0 every week BS, I mean.
To fuck over the NoNamers
I’m calling it now. Philly is up by one with :15 seconds left on the WSH 1, but Hurts is hurt forcing Wentz to go in to a knee. Wentz, for revenge for being benched, takes the snap and runs backwards towards his own endzone for a safety to give the game to Washington, and suddenly the offense and defense has to reverse roles, with the Football Team blocking for Wentz while the Eagles try to tackle their turncoat QB.
I want to invest in your screenplay.
Wentz isn’t even active. There goes my dream.
And now you know why.
Donks loss moved us from 12th to 9th overall pick. Iggles win takes us to 8th.
http://www.tankathon.com/nfl
Oops. Overdid the nap.
Me too.
This was such a badass season, and I am truly grateful for all that worked to make it happen. Give these fuckadoos ALL YOUR TV CONTRACT MONEYS.
The NFL truly was the star of 2020
I have to pull for the Washington Washingtonians.
I mean I hate Snyder as much as the next person, but I can’t help but pull for River Boat Ron.
pull for him to get some extra rest so can recover from his cancer!
It really doesn’t matter who wins this game. The Giants and the Football Team are both brutally flawed.
I just think its incredibly impressive for him to be able to serve as a coach while at the same time beating cancer.
Either one of those things put you on your ass.
I couldn’t do it with a hangnail.
Let it be a harbinger of GLORY that those 3-7 Cowbells…won their post-season exhibition tilt. Gigantes estoy team del destinario
I bet too much on The Football Team props and all.
Day 3 of no booze. I will shiv someone for some wine right now.
No booze pledge still allows FOAR heroine, yeah?
Oh I be eatin edibles like a madman to take the edge off.
Is this where we go for the ‘Call Me Kat’ live blog?
Melissa Rauch went nude for her post-Big Bang (sort of) thing, but I still she’s getting the better end of the deal compared to Bialik.
I think America got the better end of that deal.
What a weird fucking year…and the fact that the playoff picture for the NFC East still has to be figured out….and we might have a 6-10 playoff team.
And the BROWNS BABY!!!
Mrs. Sharkbait is unhappy she has to root for the Eagles tonight.
Tell Mrs. Sharkbait that she is far from alone.
That said