Did anything get sorted out? Well, surely this round of tilts will settle everything.
TO THE GAMES!
Packers/Bears:
Chicago would have much preferred that Green Bay had nothing to play for but they want to solidify that #1 seed so this one should be intense, to the point where some players may end up in tents.
Raiders/Broncs:
Neither of these teams have anything to lose. Or win. Or tie. Blah.
Jags/Colts:
Say goodbye to Hollywood and Doug Marrone, he did his best but his best just wasn’t good enough and now Urban Meyer is on everyone’s lips. Eww. Apply some balm, would you? The Colts blew it vs the Steelers last week so they should be out for blood, drinking every last bit of the Jags milkshake out there on the field.
Chargers/Chiefs:
And now he’s back! For one last incredible performance, ladies and gentlemen… Chad Henne! His counterpart, who actually shows promise, needs 341 yards today against a bunch of not-starters to become the throwingest rookie qb there ever was. He’ll set the record for a.) passing yards by a noobie and b.) Clearasil endorsements.
Cards/Rams:
Rb Akers is a game-timer for the Jekyll and Hyde Rammmits. Me: “Hey you, you must think you’re a real hotshot-you ever even played in a pro football league before?” John Wolford: “Uh, yeah. I played for the Arizona Hotshots, as a matter of fact.” Me: “Uh huh. Well, okay then.”
Seahawks/Niners:
With everyone yakking about the Packers and Saints being the creme of the NFC, I’d be wary of Wilson going on a little tear, of which he’s completely capable of doing. Now will the Seattle D step up though?
Saints/Panthers:
Ty Montgomery is the gentleman that will replace the honorable fantasy league winner Kamara today. Tis about the only interesting storyline I could find for this one.
Titans/Texans:
Henry needs 223 to reach 2,000 for the year so he’s done like dinner. Except for the fact that the last two times he went for a stroll vs the Texans he ended up with 211 and 212. No matter the outcome he’ll be the first back-to-back rushing champ since LT in ’06-’07.
Oh dear
I apologize for minimizing the pain in the Clubhouse, but I audibly guffawed at this.
There was deffo some mother sucking the son in the Chi**** secondary there
If (ok, WHEN) the Bearistocrats! lose, NFC Wild Card, Bitches! weekend will feature:
1) a CFL QB starting for RRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!
2) an AAF QB starting for the Qardinals
3) the Giants
HAIL ENTROPY!!!
GLORIOUS
*CFL is Strevvy who is a Quard.
oopsie, I done mixed up my rec league designations. Have Hippo had TOO MANY PILLS???
I really hope someone has contacted Tonyan to do Funyun commercials.
All you’d need would be a ton of Funyuns. (mmmm….)
Just needs ketchup
Classy
You called?
Hunts catsup is too sweet, way to much hfc.
I really miss Wasabi flavored Funyuns.
Congratulations to DK Metcalf on breaking Seahawks legend and horseshit congressman Steve Largent’s yards receiving season record.
? ???
Hey guys, who wants to tell me how the Cowboys game ended?
Juuuuuuuust kidding. a) I already know and b) everyone wants to tell all the Cowboys fans they know how that game ended.
To be fair, you knew going in how it was going to end.
I actually thought that Dallas would win, further fucking their draft position, then watch as Hurts literally handed the ball to Team defenders while rubbing his crotch on a picture of JJ.
This is the most Giants way to extend hope for inevitable pain. Even more so if Philly wins.
True, but getting a 6-10 team into the play-offs would be glorious.
yeah i know its absolutely mindblowing how a receiver could do well when your offensive line is allowed to hold every play and you can’t touch the quarterback.
no I’m not bitter
Water is not wet. I hear you.
This must be about the Bears Packers
it even has its own name. its called the lobster block
Seems more accurate about the P*ts pre-2020 season.
I know that the Jaguars will not win, but it would be a classic Doug Marrone move to go and win this game just to give a big middle finger to Shad Khan right before he gets fired tomorrow. Hoping it happens!
Too bad they’ve already clinched the first draft pick
Yes — the fact that Doug can’t screw the Jags out of a Prison Girlfriend saddens me as well.
It’s not Shad I have a problem with, it’s his son Tony. Needs to leave Mighty Whitey the fuck alone and get a real director of futbol in West London.
I never understood why the Bears weren’t responsible for the maintenance, despite the weird ownership issues. Especially since the team would be held responsible if they had to cancel/delay a game due to inadequate turf
100 years ago Halas was a cheap bastard. Ya got a problem with that? Next question— Various Chicagoans of the past
I always get a chuckle when the team that had al harris complains about dirty DB tactics
You mean the Eagles?
works for both teams I guess.
seriously, i fucking hated how blatant his holding was
Ya got a problem with it? Tell it to da Mayor.
I know it cool to play on an NFL sealed but for the kids safety wouldn’t playing at Northwestern be the safer option.
You think those eggheads have a better field than da one provided by Hizzoner and da Parks District?
fuck you Adams
Theres the DK Drop.
At least it wasn’t in the end zone.
only the fucking bears could make me feel like they’re losing with a 7 point league in the first quarter
That’s not true, the Raiders could do that too.
Loving v. Wyoming.
Don’t get the Bear hate. They cute
How it started: 1st and goal on the Denver 7 yard line.
How it’s going: 4th and goal on the Denver 15 yard line.
We can has Mowins too, is like a Very Special LIVE! That’s Rikki’s Raiders
I made my garlic soup to start the year. My house smells delicious on day 3 of the soup, as I add more to it, and I am protected against vampires.
Win-win.
Well, not all vampires…
the Arizona Niners get Beat Hard today.
Which is the most likely outcome; hopefully our D will look competent, at least.
That’s what I tell myself before every date
“I’ll show you a competent-looking D.” – Brett Favre, exaggerating
Looks like our offense wants to oblige. Russ must’ve lost his chef’s license
“Give me the address of that massage parlor” — Robert K.
I normally like yellow pants, why do I hate these Chargers unis?
because yellow only works when its complimented by a dark shade.
the best compliment for yellow is definitely purple, but for some reason the lakers seem to have a trademark on it
LOL
Keep it warm and it’ll hatch into a beautiful butt-erfly!
Can’t wait to see what the Knicks do to top that.
Cleveland had a Taint recovery on that late onside kick
bears points
Titans defense did something.
REST EVERYONE NOW.
When the fuck did Nelson Aglohor learn to catch????
Watching the Seahawks/Niners, listening to GB/Chicago. Trying an edible that might possibly be stronger than I thought and thinking about prepping some shepherd’s pie for dinner. Or maybe a frozen burrito.
Also, I had no idea there were so many Bears acolytes here among the commentists. I do not care for Bears, of any kind.
There was a survey years ago and there were more Bears in here than Buddy’s rolodex.
Didn’t the survey used to be yearly? Should we do that again?
It would be good to know. You know, “Us” and “Them.”
Perfect. Beth Mowins calling a very unspecial That’s My Raiders! game.
I bet she refers to Derek as “David” half a dozen times.
Pretty easy to guess whats the national game from all these Bears
Bears!
Kern punt downed inside the 15.
/seductive whisper
?The Weapon?
Oh! I know what’s happening! Soldier Filed is trying to take the championship title of deadliest turf from Fedex!
Well at least I know I’ll survive now that Dallas wont make the playoffs. Nope its decades of 6-10 seasons for me.
living in the midwest makes us alcoholics.
sports just gives us an excuse
The Seattle Mariners. That’s it, that’s the joke
That’s the business model of the city of Chicago
i am both horrified an impressed
Hey, I didn’t realize that kid from Home Improvement grew up to be a runningback
Maury heading to the locker room. We got backups with playoffs on the line our west.
STREVVVVYYYY!!! Ex Winnipeg Blue Bomber. Legend.
I legit didn’t know what you meant at first
Still get puzzled when “LT” is not Lawrence Taylor. Where’s my donut pillow?
/grabs, drops a Fresca
I haven’t seen someone drop something so completely unprompted since…well about ten minutes ago during the Giants game.
found a funny:
everyone: thank god this year is over
dogs: thank god for the best year of my life
are you fucking serious
I repeat are you FUCKING SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!?
Paging Mr. Serious…
Nope, I am not fucking nor have I ever fucked Yahoo Serious’s daughter.
normally I’d appreciate the sarcasm but man
May I inquire as to what situation has so perturbed? Cardinals, Colts, Bears?
navy or throwback?
So many Bearistocrats in the clubhouse!
hell yeah!
punches wall
hurts hand
Gotta watch out for those studs.
– Buddy
I’m ambivalent, yet entertained by the NFL franchise. Other types of bears are all pretty excellent though!
packers DE Dean Lowry: I’m gonna allow a four yard run on my side of the field, but I’m gonna shake my finger anyways
https://twitter.com/DickKingSmith/status/1345281949892567042
Auspicious start to the Bears game
mood:
The Bears are going to get outplayed today. The current GM is a guy whose former team got significantly better once he left.
As the Bears motto goes:
“Start out depressed then everything comes as a pleasant surprise”
Where’s that self hating chicagoans tag?
My family motto, followed by “Are you gonna eat that?”
It’s raining here so it reminded me of this song
https://youtu.be/qMF4B3wDO_E