Did anything get sorted out? Well, surely this round of tilts will settle everything.
TO THE GAMES!
Packers/Bears:
Chicago would have much preferred that Green Bay had nothing to play for but they want to solidify that #1 seed so this one should be intense, to the point where some players may end up in tents.
Raiders/Broncs:
Neither of these teams have anything to lose. Or win. Or tie. Blah.
Jags/Colts:
Say goodbye to Hollywood and Doug Marrone, he did his best but his best just wasn’t good enough and now Urban Meyer is on everyone’s lips. Eww. Apply some balm, would you? The Colts blew it vs the Steelers last week so they should be out for blood, drinking every last bit of the Jags milkshake out there on the field.
Chargers/Chiefs:
And now he’s back! For one last incredible performance, ladies and gentlemen… Chad Henne! His counterpart, who actually shows promise, needs 341 yards today against a bunch of not-starters to become the throwingest rookie qb there ever was. He’ll set the record for a.) passing yards by a noobie and b.) Clearasil endorsements.
Cards/Rams:
Rb Akers is a game-timer for the Jekyll and Hyde Rammmits. Me: “Hey you, you must think you’re a real hotshot-you ever even played in a pro football league before?” John Wolford: “Uh, yeah. I played for the Arizona Hotshots, as a matter of fact.” Me: “Uh huh. Well, okay then.”
Seahawks/Niners:
With everyone yakking about the Packers and Saints being the creme of the NFC, I’d be wary of Wilson going on a little tear, of which he’s completely capable of doing. Now will the Seattle D step up though?
Saints/Panthers:
Ty Montgomery is the gentleman that will replace the honorable fantasy league winner Kamara today. Tis about the only interesting storyline I could find for this one.
Titans/Texans:
Henry needs 223 to reach 2,000 for the year so he’s done like dinner. Except for the fact that the last two times he went for a stroll vs the Texans he ended up with 211 and 212. No matter the outcome he’ll be the first back-to-back rushing champ since LT in ’06-’07.
That’s My Raiders!
Even manage to spoil a 19 yard punt somehow.
“Sometimes I don’t know why I even bother trying to help them.” Shan’Khor, shaking her head.
What say yeeeeewww, VAR?
Have you tried being extremely rich?
Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
Sorry man
WOman, and soUrry, eh? 😀
At least we made it look competitive, which was a nice surprise.
Yeah, that would’ve felt nice.
Very likely, the NFC will have a 6-10 and an 8-8 participant. Either the Humps or LOLfins will be OUT, at 10-6.
2020 delivers
AGAIN? Oh my God, Raiders, just go home already.
Might need that timeout if you don’t score here, Petey.
Seattle do or die
I didn’t know the Houston Texans were an NBA team, but there they go, actually trying at the end.
Send us to Extra Time, Emo Carr!!
“No.” – Emo Carr
Same lineup in South Texas. Not sure why we didn’t get TEN/HOU. We always get HOU games here in San Antonio.
nah, there’s no way Qards come back
Wilson taking over late. Will it be enough
Week 17, each network gets two windows of games.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNtjksCUMIA
Cooks and Antonio Brown going the fuck off. I should check what my FF score would have been. Godddamnit.
And Seattle loses another RB
Ah yes, the moment of Sunday where the bets crumble.
This is the Last RedZone for a long, long time. I went from bliss to depression like I drove into a concrete abutment.
The ole Pelle Lindbergh
TEN either hosts BAL(if 11-5), or goes to BUF (if 10-6). I just hope it’s a Saturday game.
That’s My Raiders!
Remember, we need 8 on this Donks drive. I want us delaying 60 Minutes!!
OMG, I can’t stop laughing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnKD4OMenUM&feature=youtu.be
I would never recommend hooking up with an 18 year old off the internet and feeding her drugs in return for a place to sleep. But it worked for me
That was blatant PI on Hopkins
watch out, the 500s have become randomly sentient again!
I hope I’m wrong, but that was probably the game right there. Shoulda ran it.
That’s some stretchy Under Armour
The 70s Oklahoma breakaway jersey should make a comeback
Why isn’t the song “Push It” played more often when a team just needs to get a few inches?
Week 17 has gone PLAID y’all
Was it 2 or 3 years ago that half of major league baseball got into or knocked out of the play-offs because of about 3 games on the last night of the season?
That was full-on plaid.
I wish I could remember that far back!!
It was baseball. In the words of Kasey Casem, nobody cares!
You mean the game where the Yanks lost to the Rays which was fine because it knocked Boston out? I think that was like 9 years ago.
Yes.
Also my mind is apparently shot.
Trippy
Haha “this penalty has been reclined”
Brought to you by Laz-E-Boy!
/Jay Cutler looks up, yawns, stretches, and goes back to sleep.
KIIIIITTTTTTYYYYYY!!!!
Here we go, they put enough elephant tranquilizer into Murray!
GOOD!
I do like the Dr. Rick Progressive commercials about not becoming your parents.
“You woke up early. No one cares.”
I like those ads. I am not familiar with the Dr. Rick name though.
Shanklor
Myers looking like Blair Walsh
Donks/Raiders OT is what AMERICA NEEDS
Touchdown Seahawks
Nice catch Lockett!
Oh no, Green Bay, did the Bears O-line get away with something?
this is fucking perfect
You were my target audience for that one.
And unlike Trubisky, I hit the target.
BREAKING NEWS: team that frequently gets away with false starts is mad another team was able to do so!
18-18 would also be Scorigami, surely?
It would indeed.
Tie scorigamis are 2, 4, 5, 8, 9, 11, 15, 18, 22, 24, 32, 36, and everything 39+ except 43
I’m a little surprised there’s never been a 9-9.
#MeToo – Herman C., Hades
Wakezilla is gonna think we are fucking with him in the morning, when we tell him LOLfins made playoffs after all.
Raiders -2.5 is going to fuck me in a 4 game parlay and I blame betting against your Donks Wooo.
u shud NOE BETTER smgdh
Not to worry, the Seahawks offense will get fired up with 2:42 remaining.
The only imaginary bird you should be setting on fire is the majestic phoenix
After the Jaguras move to London and the Texans move to Mexico City, the 49rs should move to Paris and change their name to the 48rs
And the Browns can move to Winnipeg and change their names to the Broons.
Brown Bombers
Movin to the Peg! – OBJ
All of a sudden? Neither the Packers NOR the Bearistocrats! need to win.
How’s that?
AZ loss put Chi**** in even if they lose
SEA loss puts GB on the 1 line
Calling the Titans D “porous” would be an insult to orifices.
What would you rate them on a scale of 1 to Raiders?
What if we call them Superpermeable Atomic-Thin Graphene Membranes?
Wait, have the Thin Mint Wars gone nuclear?
My fall-out shelter isn’t done yet!
WOOP WOOP
Hawks proving they can look like crap to anyone
PLAYOFF PICKEM CONTEST HAS BEEN CREATED:
https://fantasy.espn.com/games/nfl-pigskin-playoff-pickem-2020/group?id=f11fd5a7-b0ab-496e-a3f1-db5cbd0d0b97&joining=true
AI NEEDS A MORMONDOWN!
HAIL GAMBLOR!
trumpets sound in distance
Not to make too many assumptions, but when the Yinzers have to travel to BUF for the divisional round…I wonder if they’ll regret resting starters.
Fuck, that will be good teevee, though.
I hope Ben gets tossed through so many folding tables.
At least it’s a short drive
I dunno why, but Lynch rollin up in a giant truck wheel makes me chuckle every gotdamn time.
But Geico’s Tag Team commercial is the best.
It really is
Derrick Henry is from another dimension. Prove me wrong.
This is his car:
he has alien eyes
WOW. Jaguras alive and kicking!
It didn’t count, but that was a magnificent play by Nuk.