Your “IT’S HERE! IT’S HERE! IT’S FINALLY HERE!” Superb Owl Open Thread

There's much talk of drinkling and fooding in the early thread so I know that everyone is doing it right proper today. The forty-five minutes I spent on the elliptical (god, I hate that motherfucker) won't even begin to justify the calories that I'll be absorbing through the day but

Your Yinzer Injury Report 2019

Oh, I’m told this the Bye Week update? Screw that, title still stands. THE BENS TEEM HAS LOTS OF OWIES IN ALL OVER BODYSPOT This team had serious question marks to start this season, and like 908% of the offense has gotten hurt since the opening kick-off to start the season. 2-4

A Modest Proposal for the Miami Dolphins

"Hey Wakey, did you catch the Dolphins game?" a friend on Facebook will ask me, presumably with a shit eating grin on their face because they saw on the sports ticker that Miami lost their second straight game by over 6 touchdowns. For the second straight week, I will have answered

Your 2019 Stillers Preview

I'm supposed to preview the 2019 Steelers. Let me start with this:   This entire division makes less sense than Drumpf's cabinet. People are talking about the Browns to be good? I trust (hashtag The Pauls) to be successful less than I trust Charlie Kelly can read.   Our dear friend Redshirt let us

Venezuela: Starving for your attention. Your 2019 Copa América Team Preview

Reasons why you should cheer for Venezuela: Venezuela is starving for the attention of lesser footy fans who do not have any blood ties to any country participating in the Copa América. Their team nickname, La Vino Tinto (Red wine), is literally encouraging you to drink alcohol while watching them play! Their

Your Lesser Footy AM open thread: How soccer helped end apartheid in South Africa

The featured image is of the Orlando Pirates and the Kaiser Chiefs, two bitter enemies in the South African Premier league who are playing this morning. The Soweto Derby is one of the most legendary and insanely violent matches in the world. There has been multiple times where these two

Celebrity Super Bowl Picks: Tomi Lahren

Many news organizations and pop culture websites report Super Bowl picks from today's hottest celebrities. Here at DoorFliesOpen, we decided to request picks from horrible people instead. Hatemongering attention whore Timmi Latrine answered the call and submitted this poorly-worded screed for our amusement. This is entirely unedited and in her

2018 Bowl Sponsorship Analysis (Pre-New Years Games)

I've always said that, if you really want to know who you are, look at what products are advertised to you. Advertising is an over $200 billion per year industry and these dollars aren't just thrown around fruitlessly. No sir, modern advertisements utilize pinpoint accuracy to hit a desired customer

2018 Bowl Sponsorship Analysis (Pre-Christmas Games)

I've always said that, if you really want to know who you are, look at what products are advertised to you. Advertising is an over $200 billion per year industry and these dollars aren't just thrown around fruitlessly. No sir, modern advertisements utilize pinpoint accuracy to hit a desired customer

Yinzer Morons Bye Week Who Cares

After six games, does anyone really know what this team is? They've been run over by Bawler, tore HOTLANTA apart by the sinew, and tied against the freaking Browns. THE BEN has either been the probable Hall-Of-Famer he most likely is on good days, and looking more like Nate Peterman on

Your “I’ll Be Honest-I’m Hoping For a Travesty Here” Sunday Night Football Open Thread

You know, the good kind of travesty whereby extraordinary misfortune befalls the easily-hateable team that has experienced so much success. The one that has had the benefit of iffy ref calls for more than a decade now. The team that has an owner that has more than doubled his significant

Your 2018-19 NHL Western Conference Preview

Yesterday, I raised the topic of the NHL's Eastern Conference, a.k.a. "the teams Gary Bettman wants to win the Cup". Today, it's the West, where dreams die upon the altar of the travel schedule. Pacific Division: Anaheim Ducks - by friend of Low Commander, Funky Brewmaster For the first time in a few