Holy crap, it’s here. We have ACTUAL, COUNTING FOOTBALL for the first time in roughly 10 quatrillion years. We’ve been subjected to preseason football, Ballghazi, Spygate Redux, The assorted ongoing [*Redacted] s debacle, the goddamned Patriots being your returning champions, the preseason knee apocalypses of Jordy Nelson and Kelvin Benjamin, thousands of terrible think pieces about violence and concussions, the weird muzzling of Junior Seau’s daughter at the Hall of Fame, Geno Smith getting punched in the face by a teammate, and everything else awful pertaining to football being dragged into the light. Sadly, this is in no way a comprehensive list.
But now, we’re here. We’ve climbed an Everest of garbage and planted our dick joke flag on top of NFL mountain. Let’s have a great time tonight, kids.
FOO’BAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2nd Half Post is up HERE
And Todd had to get cute and fuck it up.
I will have to say that rooting for injuries and meteors feels weird for opening night.
Sharknado?
(me cheering the Steelers 1st down)
http://i.imgur.com/eK2VWmc.jpg
Can’t believe the Steelers signed that actor from Ballers to be one of their wide receivers.
As an Ohioan, I’ve decided to start caring about OSU football because goddammit I deserve something nice for once in my fucking life.
It means having to wish Urban Meyer success. That is a heavy price Satan demands…
I’m only half-listening to Tafoya and I was sure I heard her say there would be three Wookies starting for the Stillers. Now THAT would be a game worth watching.
Always let the wookies win….
Miami of Ohio were the [*Redacted] s until something like 1994 or so. Guy from my high school, a few years behind me, played there.
The school goes back farther than the NFL franchise, and they were able to get rid of the racist mascot. What say you, Dan Snyder?
The Name means so much to so many & besides fuck you
I remember the NCAA basically said to all the schools “If you have a name after Native Americans you won’t play in the postseason.” FSU had to get special permission from the Seminoles IIRC.
DO YA FACKIN JOWBS YAH OVERPAID DAHKIES
The Steelers are holding!! NAWT FAYUH! NAWT FAYUH!!
We can rebuild DeAngelo Williams. We can make him stronger, faster, less useless.
Bill Belichek looking confused. That wasn’t the first play they had on their play script.
YEAH DE
HOW THE FUCK YOU BOYS DOIN’?
I like how they are talking like deferring the kick off is some kind of master plan that Grumblelord only does.
Something about almost SFW
http://40.media.tumblr.com/53134935dcef9245fa62539f3e23b43f/tumblr_ntghx05p5S1tjy07so1_1280.jpg
SHE SEEMS NICE!!
/smart, too
Oh it went through that time. Boobs or something. It was wittier before if failed to go through 3 times
ashleymadison.com-a proud corporate sponsor of the New England Patriots because, well, if you’re not a cheater you wouldn’t understand.
Ashley Madison Dot Com “Come Get Your Balls Deflated”
DASH THEIR HEADS UPON THE ROCKS Psalms 137:11
Antonio Brown, you have my permission to roast Malcolm Butler like one of Levon Bell’s fatty’s.
3 rookies on the OL? Maybe that ACL tear isn’t that much of an impossible dream after all.
Fuck. Me. There has not been a moment of this televised crap-a-thon that I have not hated viscerally. And I have the TV muted. And I love football.
How can I love the sport so much and hate hate hate its pro league and its premiere game?
Almost SFW. It looks like she tried to cover up
http://40.media.tumblr.com/53134935dcef9245fa62539f3e23b43f/tumblr_ntghx05p5S1tjy07so1_1280.jpg
Is it possible to autoload the comments or do I need to F5ing?
They are supposed to autoload every 30 seconds.
Come on Deebo, just one helmet straight to Dreamboat’s balls.
Judging by homertastic this shit has been, I assume that if the Chiefs ever win a lombardi, the pregame will be Andy Reid talking about bbq ribs for 30 minutes.
I imagine it would be like Bubba talking about shrimp.
Are You There God?
It’s me, Sill Bimmons.
Please not again.
Where’s my pony asshole?
http://pre07.deviantart.net/7e49/th/pre/i/2013/030/5/d/go_steelers_by_fillyblue-d5tagh7.png
Here you go.
How. The. Shit. Has. This. Not. Started. Yet.
Ha! I didn’t mute the national anthem. I really am a racist.
How much money do you think it would take for one of those soldiers with the swords to “trip” while she was walking by Tom Brady?
Holy shit its FOOTBALL. Let’s hear it, I’m new.
“It’s Harry Potter’s sister!”
— lady snow
Ha! I said it first!
Sorry! I’m having all kinds of trouble with the refreshing.
Harry Potter’s sister is singing the national anthem.
Gentlemen and esteemed colleagues….err, I mean, HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS
Hey there. So many sad Seahawks fans, you guys.
I see this game as being like walking on hot coals before the feast.
I was watching Shark Tank. There’s no doubt in my mind that it was a better choice than this pregame.
I can’t stop SMGDMFH
All I do is win* win* win* no matter what.
I had no more Pats hate left to give. Then I saw that pregame. I now want everyone in that stadium to die. Horribly.
THIS. And I only SAW it. My teevee box is muted. I could still easily kill right now, if I had the opportunity.
When did they add the asterisk to the Patriots’ logo?
Are the Patriots finishing masturbating yet?
I can’t believe that I’m rooting for Big Ben the rapist. But I am rooting for him hard tonight. Very hard. You like it hard, don’t you Big Ben?
Yep. Individually and collectively, the Massholes involved in that shitshow are less worthy of their carbon usage than a multiple rapist. WOO THE BEN!!!
I didn’t even watch that shitshow and I feel homicidal.
Collinsworth looks like a 50 year old Matthew McConaughey forgot to drink water
Happy New Year? Let’s not sober up till 2016, Al.
The stadium is one giant vape cloud.
Honestly Fuck Pete Carroll until the end of time. My God, you caused this you asshole. By the way looking at all those “hall of famers” from The Pats made me realize one thing: BELICHICK DRAFTED NONE OF THEM!!!!
Oh, but he was smart enough to “acquire” them, right PK?
Last time I saw a crowd that insincere they were picketing gay marriage
FUCK
THIS
FRANCHISE
Oh Fahk you Tommy Brady
OK, Brady trips while running onto the field, tears his ACL, I’m no longer an agnetheist.
I think I sprained a finger flipping off the TV too hard.
It was at Kraft, right? I have mine on mute and still wanted to flip him off
I had mine muted as well, and looked over just in time to say “fuck you Bob Kraft”.
Holy fuck this is awful. Fuck the Patriots.