Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Nika Riots

The Maestro - March 26, 2020March 19, 2020

John, gotta say: all this virus stuff is making me think we might not get to be out there on the gridiron for quite a while. I'm worried too, brother. What's it gonna take? I mean, you know better than anyone that I've spent days at a time in the film

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The War of the Stray Dog

The Maestro - March 19, 2020March 18, 2020

Jim, what's the deal with you these days? Why haven't you been up working out with me at 4 in the morning like we normally do? Ah, Johnny, it's the damn dogs. Wife thinks she's got corona, so it's been up to me to take 'em out for walks. No excuse,

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Pastry War

The Maestro - March 12, 2020February 20, 2020

[source] I'm concerned about all my guys' offseason training regimes, Jim. I don't think they're listening. John, it's always harder with the pro guys. At least you can always have the looming possibility of scholarship loss if your guys don't follow along the menu of pure grizzly bear blood and raw eggs. You

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Great Emu War

The Maestro - March 5, 2020February 15, 2020

Hey, John - you know anything about emus? Big, dumb, stupid, but fast. Kinda like your average Raiders draft pick at receiver, I guess? OK, good to know. I once heard from one of my spies monitoring Urban Meyer that he was thinking about recruiting one for special teams. I'm kinda thinking

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Transnistrian War

The Maestro - February 27, 2020February 13, 2020

Jim, I want to cut you a deal. Next time we have a family touch football game, I promise I won't chop-block you in the kidneys... Deal. ... more than four times. John, if that's the kind of deal we're brokering, I promise I won't steal your gallbladder and pancreas when you have

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Battle of Karansebes

The Maestro - February 20, 2020February 11, 2020

Jim, I bet you're getting excited for your spring game already. Nothing like a little in-team offence vs. defence rivalry to get the blood flowing on a new season. You said it, brother of mine. I will say that the one downside is that they won't let us incorporate fireworks into

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Opium Wars

The Maestro - February 13, 2020February 6, 2020

I did it, John! At last! You won't believe it! Did what, Jim? I cured one of my players' painkiller addictions. With just my mind. Bullshit, Jim. You definitely did not. It's true! All I had to do was offer him a vacation to China if he stopped popping pills. We have a booster who's

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Chincha Islands War

The Maestro - February 6, 2020February 4, 2020

Niners lost the Super Bowl again, Jimbo. How you feeling? The booby traps worked! I knew that the homemade Bluetooth-enabled fireworks I rigged up in the Shanahan kid's office would do the trick to destroy only the fun parts of the playbook. Yeah, Jed York was pretty pissed about the damage to

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The War of Jenkins’ Ear

The Maestro - January 30, 2020January 30, 2020

Hey Johnny. Hey Jimbo. You look different this week. You like it? New haircut. Wanted to get it a tiny bit shorter, so that I could improve my ultrasonic hearing abilities. Important for planning those off-season nighttime raids. How right you are, brother of mine. Night vision goggles are for pussies, after all. Remember

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The War of the Oaken Bucket

The Maestro - January 23, 2020January 23, 2020

Hey Jim. I need some advice. Since this seems to happen to you all the time, I figured you'd be the ideal person to ask. What can I do for you, brother? Well, Jim, I wanted to ask - what's your approach for dealing with getting your ass handed to you on

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The Pork & Beans War

The Maestro - January 16, 2020January 16, 2020

Nice job last week, Johnny. Living up to the family reputation, I see. Watch it, kid. My season may be done, but at least the Ravens have a bright future ahead - unlike your prospects of returning to an NFL gig any time soon. Look, we may have gotten our asses kicked

Super Harbaugh Rivalry Bros: The War of the Golden Stool

The Maestro - January 9, 2020January 4, 2020

Hi, I'm Michigan Wolverines head coach Jim Harbaugh. And I'm Baltimore Ravens head coach John Harbaugh. You might recall us as the first pair of brothers to ever face off against each other as NFL head coaches. It's safe to say that as brothers, we're close, but also competitive as hell. Isn't that