NFL News:
- Brandon Marshall is no longer a NY Football Giant.
- Days after saying there was “no room for Dez”, the Giants have claimed a failed physical for the move, freeing up almost $6.0 million in cap space ahead of the Draft.
- Well, this is a dropped shoe – Tom Brady wants to “discuss” his contract situation before the season starts.
- He’s due $14 million, and somehow Kirk Cousins is getting $22.5 million as a base salary.
- So, I can understand why Dreamboat might want to have a chat with Robert Kraft.
- He’s due $14 million, and somehow Kirk Cousins is getting $22.5 million as a base salary.
- Head’s up Bears fans – Monday, April 23rd:
- Devin Hester & Matt Forte are scheduled to sign one-day contracts & retire as Chicago Bears.
- Both spent 8 years each with the Bears, before moving on to other teams.
- Forte stands second behind Walter Payton in most Bears rushing categories.
- Both spent 8 years each with the Bears, before moving on to other teams.
- Devin Hester & Matt Forte are scheduled to sign one-day contracts & retire as Chicago Bears.
- Because it’s schedule release day, and to take advantage of the overseas time difference, the times and dates for the 2018 NFL International Series games in London were announced Thursday morning.
- Seattle Seahawks vs. Oakland Raiders, Tottenham stadium, Oct. 14 at 1 p.m. ET (FOX)
- Tennessee Titans vs. Los Angeles Chargers, Wembley Stadium, Oct. 21 at 9:30 a.m. ET (CBS)
- Philadelphia Eagles vs. Jacksonville Jaguars, Wembley Stadium, Oct. 28 at 9:30 a.m. ET (NFL Network)
- In conjunction with the International schedule release, Jacksonville unveiled their new uniforms today.
- Honestly, I don’t care, but am happy they went away from that stupid two-colour deal they were doing with the helmet.
- News that’s not news: the [*Redacted] s are considered the worst-run franchise in the NFL.
- FINALLY, a category where the Browns aren’t last. Second-last, but not last.
- That’ll happen when you respond to fan queries with signed photos of the owner.
- FINALLY, a category where the Browns aren’t last. Second-last, but not last.
Finally, in news that will comfort him after he’s injured in Week 6, JJ Watt was named to TIME’s 100 most influential people poll.
- Because he raised $37 million for Hurricane Harvey relief.
- On TIME’s website, they have him as a “leader”, listed between Sean Hannity and Robert Mueller.
Meanwhile, Puerto Rico’s fragile infrastructure suffered an island-wide power outage yesterday, seven months after Hurricane Maria.
In a story that wouldn’t seem out of line with Maestro’s Mysteries, Deadspin weaves a fantastical tale about why the Seahawks have cut so many guys that they only have nine guys left from their Super Bowl XLI season.
It all comes down to what I’m calling “The Case of the Expired Anecdotes”.
It seems ol’ Petey had run out of motivational tales & stories for the players, who then began tuning him out in the locker room. Most famously, this is where the story about Michael Bennett reading books during meetings came from, and that his cut wasn’t just a cap maneuver. Richard Sherman noted that Carroll was perhaps “more used to coaching in college and turning over his entire roster every four years.”
All I know is that I paid full price for season’s tickets to a team that’s staring 8-8 in the face if they’re lucky.
Tonight’s sports:
- NFL:
- 2018 NFL Schedule Release Presented by Verizon – 8:00PM | NFL Network
- NHL:
- Bruins at Leafs – 7:00PM | NBCSN / CBC (Bruins lead 2-1)
- Capitals at Blue Jackets – 7:30PM | USA / Sportsnet (CBJ leads 2-1)
- NBA:
- 76ers at Heat – 7:00PM | TNT / TSN
- Warriors at Spurs – 9:30PM | TNT / TSN
- Pop isn’t coaching tonight, because his wife died.
- MLB:
- Blue Jays at Yankees – 6:30PM | Sportsnet1
- no national US broadcasts
Seamus has you tomorrow for 4/20. I can’t imagine what he’ll bring.
HEYYYYYYYYYYY, SEXY LADY!
It’s 4/20, which means one thing:
It’s Miranda Kerr’s birthday.
Paige and I wish you a good evening (separately, unfortunately).
• https://gfycat.com/ClosedSandyEsok
• https://gfycat.com/AbsoluteSlightIndianringneckparakeet
ToddlerZilla’s favorite song at the moment:
She’s a cool 20 month old kid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2Gwr-VrNFM
Nothing like having the police knocking on your door, waking everyone up, and explaining your vehicle was broken into.
That sucks. Did they take anything?
Just wifey’s patient info and our tax folder for 2017.
Yay.
The potential shitstorm will make anything Dan Snyder has done look simple.
MOTHERFUCKER!
I can’t remember what year this song was in Madden, but damn it went well with the game.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OP3Yhs8q7oM
Baseball question. Let’s say Ohtani is starting pitcher for the Angels in an American league park and it’s late in the game, can they use him as a pinch hitter and if so who does he replace in the lineup and can he continue to pitch?
Deep thoughts.
I’m pretty sure the answer is no.
69% positive the answer is no. I don’t think pitchers can return once pulled
Nice.
It’s an official rule – 8.06. Once a pitcher is removed from the game, they are not allowed to return in any fashion. They are, however, under Rule 8.01 to take another position on the field if another pitcher is brought in to replace them AND the manager only made one trip to the mound in that inning; two trips in an inning means the pitcher must leave the game.
I once acted as official scorekeeper for part of a season, so my name is in the official records at Elias Sports Bureau as a baseball official.
Also, because of the DH rule, the pitcher has no place in the batting lineup under AL rules.
He could start the game as DH, and then be subbed in, like how catchers sometimes pitch. That would work because they can then put a new player in the DH position, but Ohtani wouldn’t be able to bat.
But did you get a hotdog for free from inside the trenches as a reward, though?
Now is good time for SEA to retool for Wilson’s last reasonable run. RAMMIT is threatening 3L33T tier and SF is going be the perpetual up-and-comer til Biden’s second term. These are the seasons to just concede the division and be patient/maybe snag a wildcard birth. Like was ARI does every single season.
The sad thing in all of this is the fact that had they given the got damn ball to beef mo’, nobody would give a shit if the Hawks did all this because they’d have two rings.
Fuck it, dude. It’s the NFL.
I know they’re tattoos and all, but, I’m not entirely sure I could perform with two guns pointed at my dick.
Good song until the Leaves tried to appropriate it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySjXFjLTagQ
I know the NBA decided Harden was going to win this year, but, I really think The Brow should be the league MVP as he carried the Pelicans to the playoffs sans Boogie Cousins.
Dolphins play Tits again and it’s the opener? Did the NFL forget the Dolphins still exist?
A photo of my weirdo cat watching Colbert.
It’s a shame your cat never knew the best Colbert from like 5+years ago
La gato watched Colbert Report with us almost every night. Gato recognizes game.
Whats with the baby gates
Aww
Reap what you sow Warriors
Look, I don’t ever expect a restaurant to comp stuff. It’s a business, and giving stuff away isn’t the best financial decision. But if your host comes over and says dessert is on him, and then that dessert is on the bill, I don’t even know what to say about that.
I think that was an attempt at flirtation and an invite to his place later.
I agree. He was totally hitting on you and now you’ve hurt him. You owe him make-up sex, if not more.
Thandie Newton is on Daily Show tonight, and Trevor Noah definitely looked at her butt as she was introduced. That said, can’t say I blame him.
i like butts
WWBOD?
*Bill O’reilly
Something obscene and grossly illegal.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/christies-official-portrait-to-cost-taxpayers-dollar85k-report/ar-AAw4aRQ?OCID=ansmsnnews11
Well, to be fair; it IS a lot wider.
I wish the Spurs would just keep letting it fly. They got nothing to lose. Stop hesitating
I look forward to the Charles Barkley Spelling Bee.
if you havent yet, go watch GLOW
oh hell yeah
Let’s just one-up Talking Tina’s creepiness, sure!
holy shit that’s awesome
Is season 2 out yet?
Next week, I think.
Pelicans have no chill. Please AD, murder the Warriors next round. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=snhiofL2Rh4&ab_channel=sambosez
Capitols’ mascot has got to be a big goofy Stanley Cup on skates with googly eyes named Cappy.
That none of the Washington players can catch.
Someone on here told me how to properly cook a filet mignon a few years back. I am, again, using their perfect/simple recipe tonight.
THANKS DFO!!!!
https://nypost.com/2018/04/10/restaurants-are-cooking-your-steak-wrong-on-purpose/
This may get *somebody* heated.
Pseudo-purists (between Smart Ones frozen meals) will poo poo it, but I look forward to the day robots handle all this and my steak is always cooked to absolute perfection.
“I bought it, now I’m going to fuck it.”
Patty Mills is not useful here.
oh man, Donks are expected to be so shitty we don’t even get the late MNF opener this year?
eyeballed the schedule as 6-10, but in a Darkest Timeline we could totes get to teh bye at 0-9.
That national Saturday fixture v. #ThePauls should be epic, tho
9-7 here.
I like your vision better, so I will blame my Inner Eeyore and catch Wild Card Fever!
Could go either way.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/giuliani-says-he-is-joining-trump%E2%80%99s-legal-team-to-%E2%80%98negotiate-an-end%E2%80%99-to-mueller-probe/ar-AAw4opS?OCID=ansmsnnews11
I cannot fathom being so afraid of falling into obscurity that I would attach my name to the Trump White House.
That’s a level of desperation I lost when I got clean of opiates..
Keep in mind it is Giuliani.
Rudy is a witness in the Mueller investigation for his relationship to the Comey email letter.
That is a nice touch
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/politics/poll-white-evangelical-support-for-trump-at-record-high/ar-AAw3O2w?OCID=ansmsnnews11
Going to go with the 9-11 defense.
I’ll bet this is fun:
OK, time to go scour foar photos of almost naked women for you perverts for tomorrow.
Later taters.
my kinda gal!!!
/also nice shoulders
https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nba/tractors-worth-dollar50000-stolen-from-scottie-pippens-farm/ar-AAw3QGf?OCID=ansmsnnews11
The Pippen Farm!!
Pippen Fahms remembahs.
Do they grow peas and house possums perpetually?
I’ve always wondered about this…
You pull your goalie, give up the empty netter to get even further behind, then put the goalie back in.
Why? What’s the logic at that point?
This is only a few cities from here, so it’s as close to home as it is stupid. I stopped at McD’s for lunch today (I know), and while I was at the counter one of the dipshits came through the drive-thru with his piece of shit truck and confederate flag tailgate and giant American flag that appeared to be stapled to a random piece of firewood. When he got to the window, the wind turned in such a way that it kept blowing the flag between him and the cashier while we all stared at him struggling to get his food because of his dumb fuck flag. When he got his food, he pulled off to the side, and got out of his shitty rustbucket pick-up and rolled up his flag and put it away while refusing to look up at the adults who were casually mocking him. Fucking kid looked like he’d die if I bumped up against him. I’m sure he went home and got his ass whipped by his dipshit father who “didn’t raise no queer liberal” before putting the flag back up.
http://www.mlive.com/news/bay-city/index.ssf/2018/04/teens_adults_waving_confederat.html
Those people….
http://www.usflag.org/uscode36.html
If there’s one thing I can’t tolerate, it’s disrespecting Old Glory
My point is that these people who parade it on their trucks, etc., who say kneeling disrespects, or whatever, completely fail at “respecting the flag.”
Oh I got it. I’ve been ranting about this exact thing all day. Getting more of those “Oh god, here he goes again” looks at work. Gonna have to start easing off the pedal, I think.
We can “unwind” the old way.
Jerking off?
It can be both.
https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/airmen-fired-demoted-over-dinosaur-puppet-video/ar-AAw2mCL?OCID=ansmsnnews11
Except for dinosaur puppets.
Well, we support them until it is time for veteran medical treatment, homeless intervention, suicide prevention, etc., etc.
They’d much rather have a “thank you” and unwanted physical contact from a stranger ,, obvs
The Baltimore Orioles scored 8 runs today. And still managed to lose by 5.
To Detroit.
smgdh.
This has been your Baltimore Orioles Update.
Its April 19th, and I am genuinely looking forward to the Bengals returning.
This has been your Cincinnati Reds Update.
Browns schedule released…
My prediction…
L
L
W
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
L
So what you’re saying is at least 12-4
I’m on the fence about that week 3 win over the Jets…
“1-15? Sounds like a banner year!” -Hue Jackson
That was some god damn good Jello.
Somehow the fucker will get an extension for showing improvement…
Yep, Portland peaked too soon.
[stretch] THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID.
Jeeeesus, that Sixers-Heat game took a fucking turn
Philly realized it was playing Miami
Ovi should have scored there.
He fucked that up bad. Went conservative.
That was a sweet glove save…
Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?
It’s you!
Goddammit. I blame that goal on WCS.
Go Spurs Go
Joel Embiid is maybe sick of the Heat’s shit.
Wade aint getting his ass eat up tonight.
The Caps look absolutely cromulent tonight.
What world is this I’ve landed in?
The darkest time line?
Almost has to be, right?
One that involves the Caps losing Game Seven in heart-wrenching fashion. You know, the normal world.
Shit, I’m older than I thought.
Really? You can’t just let me have this one tonight ya stinking Yinzer?
I’m pretty sure that “One that involves the [Washington sports team] losing [do-or-die game] in heart-wrenching fashion” is the motto of Washington sports considering the Caps and Nats. And the Wizards look like ass in their series. And also the Redacteds.
I had a weird conversation at lunch. I hang out with my buddy Filip from Poland. Slow day so I exposed him to Jamaican jerk chicken from this kick ass trailer in the shitty part of town. On the way, we stop at Dunk’n Donuts.
“I really like Mr. Dunk’n’s coffee”
“Yeah…wait what?”
“Mr. Dunk’n. His coffee is good. Its his chain right?”
“What? No. Its ‘Dunk’n’ like ‘dunking’ your donuts into your coffee”.
“What is this dunking?”
“Dude…we watch basketball all the time! Slam dunk?!?”
“I thought was was ‘slam duck'”
“Why the fuck would it be ‘duck’?” (I just start laughing)
“Your people elected Trump. You are not allowed to mock me”
“Fuck you Fil…”
Checkmate, Filip.
The mouth is for eating.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5627507/Ugandan-president-Yoweri-Museveni-says-wants-ban-oral-sex-mouth-eating.html
I mean the mouth is eating.
…..pussy
The insanity of Uganda is fascinating. I know we’re only getting the greatest hits and all, but the leader of the nation sounds like a Tim & Eric character without a hint of self-awareness.
Was Uganda the country that tried to ban homosexuality with the “They eat the poo-poo” quote?
Yes, but, homosexuality is banned all across sub-Saharan Africa.
Like a lot of former territory, the Brits fucked them up royally.
Fucking India created the Karma Sutra and now you can’t even show a couple kissing on TV.
They also sent us Kamala the Head Hunter.
He wasn’t that lucky. It was actually Missississisiisiippi.