SCENE: Interior, the DFO Clubhouse. The floor is littered with empty beer bottles, the walls are covered in Iguana Mart posters, and the couch is…sticky.
BeerGuyRob: So today’s the day, huh?
HoratioCornblower: What are you talking about? Is Geno Auriemma finally coming to visit?
BallsofSteelandFury: Didn’t you read blax’s Quotables submissions page this week?
Horatio: Too highbrow for me.
Horatio: Oh, disapproval from the guy who’s best known for underwear reviews and softcore porn?
Balls: /shoots finger guns
BGR: ANYHOO, blax said “Tune in Friday to find out the Fresh New Taektm on Quotables!” Well, today’s Friday.
Balls: What do you think it’s going to be?
LitreCola: New batch of gingersnaps?
BGR: Dude, it’s a fresh new taek, not a fresh new bake.
LitreCola: Oh. /rips bong hit
Horatio: Maybe blax found Ottoman
ALL: [start sobbing]
Balls: Let’s pull our shit together. Otto will come back from that beer run to IguanaMart eventually.
BGR: Hope he brings back more beer. We only have like 5 cases left in the garage.
Horatio: And I’m running low on IPA thimbles
DonT: Posiblamente la “taek” nueva no es de gente diferente pero mas un formato creativo.
ALL BUT BALLS: [stare blankly]
DonT: I hate you guys. Learn Spanish.
Horatio: Toallas de papel?
DonT: [glares in boricuan]
Balls: Come on, it’s blax, and he lives in Vegas now. It’s probably Mark Davis.
LitreCola: Maybe it’s a new batch of gingersnaps?
BGR: Has blax ever baked for you before?
LitreCola: /rips bong hit
Maestro: Well, is blax here?
Maestro: Well, who knows where he is?
Horatio: Should we check with RTD and DTZM?
BGR: You know they’re just doing rails and pitching movie ideas like where the Beatles get reincarnated as an all girl band who make great music but no one takes them seriously until one of them releases a sex tape with a member of the Clippers but then in the end they all turn out to have different superpowers.
DonT: I’d watch that.
Balls: I think I already saw a version of that on Pornhub.
Maestro: Let me get this straight, no one knows where blax is or what the surprise is and we’re just all, what, sitting here waiting for the door to fly open?
ALL: [STARE AT THE DOOR]
LitreCola: /rips bong hit
GameTimeDecision: What else are we supposed to do? Talk about last night’s presidential debate?
/DOOR FLIES OPEN
Horatio: Aw, man, that’s not Otto.
LitreCola: Did he bring gingersnaps?
BrettFavresColonoscopy: Hey, guys, it’s me here to disappoint you all!
Balls: Now I know how Lady BFC feels.
BGR: So you’re picking the winners now?
GameTimeDecision: /takes out wallet
BFC: Nope, blax still does.
GTD: /puts away wallet
Maestro: So you’re like the Queen here? All ceremonial and shit?
BFC: I mean, nobody’s handing me a corgi, but sure, I’ll be her royal highness and introduce this week’s quotables results.
DonT: Are you going to do this every week?
BFC: No, blax will pick a rotating guest host out of the commentariat.
Maestro: So you’re like a substitute teacher?
BFC: Pot, kettle, and how many similes do you need?
JJFozz: SHUT UP AND POST THE GIFS, I NEED TO KNOW IF I WON!
BFC: Fozz, you didn’t submit an entry this week.
Fozz: SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU’RE TALKING TO ME!
BFC: Fine, the good news is, you all still get your quotables results every week, and blax keeps doing the hard work while the rest of us reap the funny.
BGR: What’s the bad news?
BFC: Other that VodkaBroBobert, none of you won this week.
BGR: Woo hoo!
LitreCola: So did you bring gingersnaps or no? /rips bong hit
On to the Week 6 Results!
As always, it’s Spam’s world, and the rest of us are just living in it.
Thanks to blaxabbath for letting me take the wheel this week / making sure I hit the DFO word count minimum. Gotta earn that $12! Check back next week, and who knows, maybe some day soon it’ll be your turn in the barrel.